u/reginamommaof1

We have 3 kids together, aged 5, 21 months and one due early july. Dad has worked out of town for over a year, has made trips in each weekend, but is not helpful in the slightest. He has not changed his address from his mother's ever. I have been allowing visits in my home, as he has no place in the city myself and kids are living, our oldest is special needs and is in a prek program to accommodate that. Recent events have made me reconsider this accommodation, im wondering what exactly i should do moving forward, hes extremely power, and control hungry. Both his mom and dad are horrible influences and never make the effort to see the kids, however if im not allowing him visits within my home, he would likely take the kids to either of their homes. How much say do I have in this, and is it smart to move forward without any written, notarized document with specifics written in? He uses the kids as pawns to get under my skin, im pretty confident he would struggle to ensure the kids are brought back home at a specified time, as he knows thats a boundary I hold close, as the oldest struggles without a consistent schedule.

My son who is 5 and mostly non-verbal, attends afternoon pre-k, through a special needs program in a regular elementary school. At pick up yesterday his teacher mentioned he had a hard time wanting his shoes on and got emotional, i found this really odd, as he usually has no issues with this, but he has been waking up earlier than usual with the sun rising a bit earlier where we live, so i kind of just let it go thinking maybe he was just overtired and got him home.

As soon as we walked in the door and his shoes were off, he told me he had gone poop, so I immediately went to change him, and noticed the pull up i sent him in was still on, so full of urine and stool, there was no longer a liquid indicator line, dried stool on the leg openings as well as going down his thighs. This led to a red, irritated rash and hives, as well as blood present on his anus. (I took photos of the diaper and the rash)

I took a few hours to talk to family members and members of my community to see what exactly the best route to go was, and ended up sending an email to both his teacher and principal, this was sent at 7pm last night. I have heard nothing from either, and I typically hear back from his teacher quite quickly via email. My main concern, is that there are 3 teavhers in this classroom, it should have absolutely never happened, how well is he being supervised if this went unnoticed for over 3 hours, and his classmates most likely smelt it, and will likey avoid him now.

He struggles so much already with making friends and being around others his age, this is truly heartbreaking to me and im unsure if I even want him to continue at this school. It is not his home school, it was the only school left with a spot in this special needs program, so i drive about 15 minutes each way to get him there.

What is the best way to go about this situation? I kept him home today and am extremely hesitant to send him back at this point. Im devastated for him.