u/ribbedbanana

I’m in my 20s and still in college as I took a gap year after highschool. My father has been extremely abusive my entire life. My mother left him when I was 4 and my father gained soul custody. I’ve been his verbal punching bag every day of my life. He has put his hands on me as a child only a handful of time and now that he’s very successful he wouldn’t dare do something like that.

But he emotionally manipulates me and the entire family against me.

He just started paying for my schooling and lifestyle again since I was living in unsafe housing and my stepmother became worried.

But it comes with major negatives. He will get upset or stressed in his own life and find a way to call me to take it out on me. Tell me I have no control and he has all of it over me. to kill myself, that I’m a waste of air and time, that my family hates me, that he is the only person who will be there for me and is there for me and I’m and “evil cunt”. During these fits he lists ways that he will take everything from me in a moments notice, he has access to all my emails, my banks, my phone plan, my car, he is co-signed on my apartment and threatens to pay to get me off the lease and leave me homeless. A week later he will feel remorse and instead of apologize, he tells me how I need to please him better and work harder and how he is a hard worker.

I have one year left on my undergraduate degree, I’m pursing healthcare masters programs, school is already so hard as it is, and I try to keep up appearances because people see me as a bubbly pretty outgoing woman and I’m falling apart. I don’t know how to take care of myself anymore. I don’t eat or sleep until it becomes too much.

Everyone keeps telling me to stick it out with his financial support until I graduate and get a job, (healthcare will pay me maybe $20 an hour to get clinical hours for masters I want to apply to) which isn’t enough to support myself fully. I have two more semesters left and I’m falling apart. I don’t know how to make it through this, I have no more friends and I’m having crippling daily anxiety. I’m so miserable and I really just need advice on how to love myself or continue without letting him lashing out or his constant control get to me.

I’m becoming a shell of a person and keep posting this on a few different sub reddits. I used to love celebrating holidays, today is Fourth of July (one of my favorite just because of the fireworks) and I stayed home all day, I woke up at 11a, worked out, then went back to bed 2pm-9pm. And now it’s 2am I’m awake and feel so stuck.

Having someone constantly control me and have so much power over me is making it so hard to want to life my life

I’m in my 20s and still in college as I took a gap year after highschool. My father has been extremely abusive my entire life. My mother left him when I was 4 and my father gained soul custody. I’ve been his verbal punching bag every day of my life. He has put his hands on me as a child only a handful of time and now that he’s very successful he wouldn’t dare do something like that.

But he emotionally manipulates me and the entire family against me.

He just started paying for my schooling and lifestyle again since I was living in unsafe housing and my stepmother became worried.

But it comes with major negatives. He will get upset or stressed in his own life and find a way to call me to take it out on me. Tell me I have no control and he has all of it over me. to kill myself, that I’m a waste of air and time, that my family hates me, that he is the only person who will be there for me and is there for me and I’m and “evil cunt”. During these fits he lists ways that he will take everything from me in a moments notice, he has access to all my emails, my banks, my phone plan, my car, he is co-signed on my apartment and threatens to pay to get me off the lease and leave me homeless. Then hours later he will feel remorse and instead of apologize, he tells me how I need to please him better and work harder and how he is a hard worker.

I have one year left on my undergraduate degree, I’m pursing healthcare masters programs, school is already so hard as it is, and I try to keep up appearances because people see me as a bubbly pretty outgoing woman and I’m falling apart. I don’t know how to take care of myself anymore. I don’t eat or sleep until it becomes too much.

Everyone keeps telling me to stick it out with his financial support until I graduate and get a job, (healthcare will pay me maybe $20 an hour to get clinical hours for masters I want to apply to) which isn’t enough to support myself fully. I have two more semesters left and I’m falling apart. I don’t know how to make it through this, I have no more friends and I’m having crippling daily anxiety. I’m so miserable and I really just need advice on how to love myself or continue without letting him lashing out or his constant control get to me.