u/rivkm

Me (19F) and my partner (18FTM) have a big event coming up for which he requires to buy a suit. We were excited to go buy it together but every time we were near the stores he'd regret it saying "he was scared". We decided to do it in little steps so today we were gonna buy a shirt in any departmental store rather than in a men's suit store (it wouldn't feel as intimidating) yet before I measured him he began to feel really dysphoric.

He told me that everytime he thinks about doing something more 'manly' he feels scared, this time he's scared about people doubting he is man (he's pre-t but has good cis-passing, mostly strangers refer to her by he/him but it varies depending the person and place ), that this morning he began to feel dysphoria as a result of thinking about going to buy the shirt.

We decided to take even tinier steps and start by taking his measures tomorrow.

He wants to buy a proper suit for the event even if it's hard but we haven't gotten past step 1. I don't want to pressure him and won't do it, after all the worst thing that can happen is him using the formal clothes he already owns.

I don't really know what to do if this doesn't keep moving forward, I don't wanna seem pushy and just wanna accompany him trough it all. I know it means a lot to actually buy men formal wear for him even if he's scared about it. Is there something I'm missing about how it all feels for him? How could I be supportive trough something like this (he wants to do it but feels scared/dysphoric)?

I ( Cis-F) and my partner (FTM) are both 18 and excited about prom, however there are things in the way of us enjoying this moment we didn't expected. He's not out with his family and ofc they do not know we are dating but we are rather "friends". On the other hand he's out with my whole family and is well accepted. We wanted to go tgt to prom but didn't consider that if his parents (one or both) went we wouldn't be able to live the night as partners, he wouldn't be able to wear a suit (and other stuff like that) and that them allowing him to go alone with my family would still be complicated.

We got my parents involved to try and convince his but we had to lie to them in the process so he could go alone (since we have a close bond in the family it feels strange to do this, even more so watching my parents do it for him) bc his parents were really persistent on going. I love him wholeheartedly and would do everything for his happiness, wellness, etc. Yet I feel kinda guilty about getting my parents involved like this (they srsly do not like lying), about us having to missgender him while talking to his parents so he doesn't have problems at home, this all feels a bit overwhelming cause his gender identity shouldn't make it so hard to live something as simple as prom, rn it feels unfair.

My mom tells us to go regardless of his parents going but just hearing his parents talk about him made me sick and I wouldn't bear it for a night, even less if I had to missgender him or talk about him like someone he is literally not, about having to keep on lying about lots of things like him coming over to my house, having a good relationship with my parents, about where we go every afternoon he gets late to his house (they know he stays with me), of my parents having to get along with his even if they don't like them one bit. The worst part is that this all story makes it impossible from him to come see me before prom so that day is all or nothing (prob. Nothing).

I wish his parents weren't awful and we could just enjoy this peacefully.