Just because it's been bugging me for years: does anyone remember an advert, or maybe an advert for a TV show, that had the line 'we are the sons of the sons of the sons...' (not sure how many repetitions)?
I remember a line of men/people, a powerful male voice, and a kind of historical or battle related feel.
British TV in the late 80s or early 90s.
Edit: solved!
Any other only children out there distancing/estranging themselves from a parent who is essentially alone?
So much of what I read is the lone wolf adult child leaving 'them', the group. It makes me feel like I have less 'permission' to prioritise myself, but for my own sanity and survival I so need to.
My mother has an undiagnosed mental illness and probably personality disorder. I have endured a lifetime of paranoid accusations, character assassinations and last year, a physical attack, after which she mocked me and briefly imprisoned me. I haven't returned to her home since.
In the last few months she has undergone successful surgery for two separate early stage cancers. I only visit in a hospital setting now, don't feel safe to be alone with her.
Apart from my aunt that she gets along with (for now) she has nobody. My father died suddenly a few years ago. My mother has never had a friend in her life. Loads of family around but she sees something bad in all of them. She drove another relative away with paranoid accusations. That relative, who was nothing but kind to my mother after my dad's death, is my only alive witness.
My mother is really good at masking to almost everyone, presents as a very sweet, polite and unassuming lady. I have expressed my concerns about her mental health to her doctor many times but as she presents so well, he can do nothing. My mother has zero insight into her own condition.
I live hundreds of miles away. I have really stepped back. My mother is now home alone after recovering from cancer surgery with my aunt. We only really have text contact now as phone calls are just another chance for her to berate me. I can barely bring myself to even text to check in on her now. I feel like a monster but my body craves peace. The internal bracing and hypervigilance a lifetime with her has created has taken its toll on pretty much every area of my life. But still, I haven't cancer like she has. So everything I'm experiencing feels like invented nonsense (what she would say). I'm very trained to see things from her skewed point of view.
Choices: condemned to enduring abuse or condemned to feeling like shit for not helping her.
I know I just need to work through it. I'm further on than I was. I know it wouldn't be perfect even if she had a horde of people around, but the fact that questions about her needs all point to me is breaking me.
Context in link above (hope I did this correctly).
My mother recently went through cancer surgery that had a complication. Now she has to live with something that will be an adjustment, more the fault of the surgery complication than the (small, early stage) cancer they took away. With time she should be back to a normal-ish life, though she is getting older, so for how long?
I, her only child, did not accompany her for the scheduled surgery but did visit after the complication and resulting second surgery, because I felt normal human compassion. She is feeling better now and recovering with a family member, thank goodness.
She has an undiagnosed mental illness (paranoid delusions) and as a result, has accused and attacked me for decades. Last year, she attacked me physically, after which I never returned to her home.
I live hundreds of miles away and have my own life (no partner or children, but I do run a business). A 'normal' daughter would have been by her side throughout but I am so damaged and drained inside that I can't. I feel like a monster for this. It is so not normal. Even though my decision to stay away has granted me technical freedom, my life feels stained with shame. Dramatic? Yeah that's what she said after she physically attacked me. It's all so mixed up in my head.
I know I have suffered abuse at her hands, but the narrative is that cancer makes us 'remember what's important'. What feels important to me right now is my own survival, yet who do I think I am, I haven't just been through cancer surgery. Etc.
Essentially this is the same as my linked post above, just a few weeks on. Just needed to get it out to people who might understand.
I wish I was 'free' to be distressed purely about my mother's health problems instead of having to fight through her smoke and mirrors.
I have largely been VLC (help with admin, text contact only) with my abusive, undiagnosed mentally ill mother since she physically attacked me last year. For her, the attack is my fault because I 'agitated' her. My mere presence agitates her, yet as her only child, she wants me to serve her endlessly.
Decades of paranoid accusations and character assassinations that can be set off by nothing. I am now a hypervigilant wreck but yes, in therapy.
She is due to have surgery in a couple of days to remove early stage cancer. It's her second operation in only a few months.
For the last one, I accompanied her to hospital but not for her recovery. This was after the physical attack, so even that took more than I had in me, but I did it anyway as cancer is bigger than anything, right? The day before her operation, she made it a point to hurl more accusations and inventions about my character and my past. Behaves like an angel in front of health professionals.
So now this second op, I am not going at all. I live hundreds of miles away but would obviously be there like a shot for a parent I wasn't afraid of.
And STILL I feel deep, deep guilt and shame. Not enough to make me rush there (my body absolutely says no) but I feel riddled with it nonetheless. I am so conditioned to see things from her point of view.
It's marginally better to be flooded with guilt than the utter dread of being there. But there's still dread. Even making the change to go VLC doesn’t remove the hell.
I just want freedom to heal. I technically have it, but still feel so entangled.