u/sadnobsessed

So glad I found this subreddit to vent some of my feelings to people who are in same boat. Since I was very young it was always assumed I would have kids because I have strong maternal and caring instincts.

For years, about 20-25ish I’ve been dying to be a SAHM. Being home with my kid(s), doing house stuff, going to the park, getting lunch with grandma, etc. and all while not having to answer to a corporate boss, or anyone in general besides my child! lol. I never had the partner to support that dream though, had some very bad relationships, but found my now husband end of 2023 and we got married in the fall of 2025. He is amazing, I knew within months he would be a fantastic father and amazing husband. I told him from the beginning what I was looking for, not trying to put too much pressure but I was really feeling the pull to quit my job and have kids. Here’s the thing, I’m 27 now and in the last year this has really changed. I got a new role at my job and it’s a lot more flexible(no more inbound support calls), making more money and my husband is doing great in his career and making more money than ever before.

We just bought a house, we get to put all our spare money into hobbies, savings and paying off the little debt we have. We have cats and a dog, we love spending time with each other and participating in each others hobbies. Since we have money for the first time in either of our lives we really want to travel. Suddenly now that my job isn’t too bad, I’m happy with our home, and we have disposable income im not so set on having kids.

We agreed we’ll reevaluate when I’m 29-30. My husband is totally on board with whichever way I want to go. He has said he could see loving our life either way and finding fulfillment. I really agree with this but as someone who has always wanted kids I’m worried I’ll regret it. I suppose it’s silly to worry now when we still have time, but I’m also anxious since I had endometriosis and my mom had a hard time getting pregnant.

I can totally see our lives being wonderful and fulfilling without kids, but I think about my childhood and all the amazing memories, and the fact that at the center of my life right now is my family. My husband and I are very close with my parents, my sister is my bestfriend, I can’t imagine life without them and I worry about not giving ourselves the chance to pass this on to our potential future kids.

I had to put my soulcat to sleep yesterday and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. She was declining and I didn’t want her to get to the point of severe suffering, selfishly I wanted more time but I couldn’t do that to her. She’s gone and now my home and heart feel so empty. I have 4 other cats and I have a dog but none of them love me like she did. I’ve fostered and cared for many many cats in my life and I’ve never met a cat like her before. I know this sounds morbid but I just want to go in the backyard and dig up the hole she’s buried in and hold her one more time. I can’t bring myself to throw away her fridge in the medicine or the basket on the counter with her other meds. I threw away the last churu I gave her at the vet and I regret that as silly as it sounds. I did collect some of her hair and I got her paw prints. Nothing will compare to the feeling of having her lay on my chest and nuzzle under my chin though.