Please help me out.
I'm an F(30) and my boyfriend is an M(31). I haven't slept nor eaten properly the past days due to overthinking. Few days ago I found gay porn on his phone. I confronted him and he said that it is just due to porn addiction problem that he's had since his teenage years. He also said it might have been caused also by a childhood trauma when he was young wherein a man rubbed his penis against his arm which made him cry and traumatized. He says he is straight and only ever been attracted to women. He said his porn addiction got so bad that he spirals into all kinds of porn and not just gay porn. I also found straight porn on his phone though. He said he only jerks off to women (but I'm not sure if he just says that to calm me down). We've been together for five years already and always had a great sex life since he gets easily aroused by me. He actually likes going down on me a lot. Given these, it makes me really confused. I've read stories here that they're decades into marriage already, with kids already, and had active sex life prior to finding out their partners are gay. That's what makes me overthink a lot. I am so scared that it might turn out to be the same case as mine. I don't know if I should break up with him as early as now. He says he is not attracted to men in real life and it's just more of his body dysmorphia that makes him look at men as he wants to be like them. My partner is also kind of effeminate and people would always wonder if he is gay. I am his first girlfriend ever but he had courted other girls before when he was younger. He also confessed that during college days, men would peek on him in the men's room but he never entertained those encounters. Lastly, whenever we get massages, he prefers a male masseur because he says they give better pressure application and they don't have pointy/bony fingers like a female masseus. Are there really straight men who watch gay porn?? :(
I'm sorry if it's not constructed well as English isn't my first language.. and this anxiety makes me just type all the thoughts I have as I go through. Anyway.. please help me. I am so confused and scared. I love him so much and he tells me likewise but lately I really can't sleep and eat well due to overthinking. I'm having doubts and insecurities I never had before. It's like he's a different person to me now. I don't wanna lose him but I'm scared that he might realize it later on in the future what he really wants. I also feel kind of insecure that he might be attracted also to men.