How do I (22F) find out if he’s (21M) actually single?
Hello Reddit, I come to you with a dilemma about a man I met not even 48 hours ago. A little bit of backstory, I (22F) am a singer. Not super established, but I sing a mix of covers and original songs at open mics usually one or two nights a week, and have been collaborating with some fellow local musicians on some really fun stuff. The night before last at one of my open mic nights I met this guy (21M) who is completely my type both inside and out. He’s a musician too, which after my experiences last year I said I’d never do again, but he seemed really sweet so I decided to give him a chance. We got to chatting after his set and shortly before mine and really hit it off. He was originally going to leave because he had to work early the next morning, but he agreed to stay for my set, which I’m very glad he did considering what happened next.
I’m sure it was a mix of a lot of things - overheating under the stage lights, drinking tons of water but not enough electrolytes, and probably locking my knees to stop my legs from shaking from the unprecedented nerves of singing in front of this cute guy - but close to the end of my set I started feeling really off and ended up collapsing on stage, and I wasn’t fully coherent for the next five minutes or so after. The exact same thing had happened to me once before, but never on stage, so it was particularly terrifying. Eventually I sat back down in the crowd with a soda and some chips trying to feel better, and the guy I had been talking to pulled up a stool and joined me after checking on me, and comforted me so sweetly the rest of the night until he had to leave. We exchanged numbers, and I invited him to another open mic happening the next night, and he invited me to karaoke at the bar we were at the night after that.
So I saw him again last night, and everything went almost suspiciously well. We got to know each other better, and I learned that he’s originally from a town about an hour away and recently started staying with his sister in my town for work. He was nothing but kind and accommodating the whole night, and we ended up improvising a few songs together that we hadn’t originally planned to do which actually went incredibly well. We held hands and flirted a lot, but that was about the extent of it. He walked me to my car and we continued texting after we’d both gotten home, and ended up making pre-karaoke dinner plans for tonight. I was completely on cloud nine until I decided to look for his socials.
After learning his last name earlier in the evening, I pretty quickly found his facebook - him with a girl in his profile picture that his profile says he’s in a relationship with. I then checked her profile and found the same thing. I was starting to get nervous, but considering this photo of them was posted over six months ago and neither of them had posted on there since I tried to chalk it up to people our age just not using facebook often, I’m sure there were times in my past that my profile has said I’m in a relationship much past when that was actually accurate. It was when I found his instagram that things started looking particularly bleak. Same profile pic, same girl, and posts from him dating to as recently as about a month ago. Nothing of them together, but still suspicious. To make matters worse, they both still follow each other, and this girl’s profile pic is also the two of them together.
At this point I realized that it was more likely than not that he really does have a girlfriend back home and is just playing us both. I decided to subtly test the waters and ask him if he was ok with me posting some of the videos of us performing together where our chemistry was absolutely off the charts.
He (albeit politely) shut the idea down, only causing my suspicions to worsen. I also now recall earlier in the evening his reluctance to say his full name, which is now seeming to make a lot more sense. I unfortunately have a history of getting attached too quickly, and even though I didn’t act it on it this time, I was so excited about getting to know him and it still really hurts. I really want to think that I’m just fearing the worst and I’m wrong, but I honestly don’t know anymore. I was up til 3am last night crying and tossing and turning, and my head only feels slightly more clear this morning.
How can I possibly find out the truth? I want to ask him directly while we’re out at dinner, but how do I broach the subject? And if he says they’re not together anymore, how do I know he’s telling the truth? I know you’re supposed to trust the person you’re trying to date, but I haven’t even known this man a couple days. Am I better off sending a “hey girly” message to the girl directly and asking her what the deal is? I know I need to approach him about it tonight because the thought of continuing even to flirt with another woman’s man makes me feel sick, but I really don’t know what my best next move is here.