confused and hurt after letting him back

For context:

I met my boyfriend, let’s call him K, at a resort 2 months ago. K works at the resort. The resort centers around a very tight knit vibe, where workers of the hotel (the workers come from all around the world) facilitate and join activities with guests.

From the beginning of our trip, I participated in a particular daily activity facilitated by K. From the moment we met, I was instantly physically attracted to him, and this attraction grew when I noticed he started devoting more time to me in addition to what was required of his role in the resort. We spent mealtimes together, texted over Instagram, and most significantly, went out for late night supper in a big group (with other hotel workers) on multiple occasions.

On each occasion, K and I would intentionally sit next to each other in the car/ van the group was sharing, and the conversations we had left us both laughing as if there was nobody else around us. More significantly though, we began to get really touchy with each other on our last night out.

By the time I had to leave the resort, I knew in my heart that there was definitely something between us.

A day after I had returned home, K texted me saying he had something to tell me. We had a video call. He explained his feelings for me in great detail and I could sense the sincerity in his words from the way he described our interactions. I confessed that I had felt the same way, after which we spent hours discussing all the moments we spent together.

We continued calling each other everyday and eventually decided to make it official. At this point, we have been an exclusive couple for a month.

It’s also worth noting that K’s first language is French. While he speaks English fluently, we’ve experienced some minor language miscommunication. Also, we currently live three hours apart with a one-hour time difference.

Some background on the main issue:

From the outset of our relationship, I made it clear to K that I’d been cheated on twice before. He confided in me about his own experience and also revealed his biggest turn-off is one-sided effort and feeling taken for granted.

We’ve had a few minor disagreements stemming from his fear of being taken for granted:

For example, when I was short on money, K offered to pay for a food delivery to my place. This was the first time either of us had spent money on each other. A few days later, I surprised him with concert tickets he had been raving about. I wanted to use this as a gesture to show my love for him (a *just-because* gift) and partially to thank him for his kindness in ordering food for me.

A few days later, on our nightly video call, I offered to pay for K’s supper, because I could see how hungry he was. I waited for him to tell me what he’d ordered so we could enter my card details together. He said he’d decided what he wanted to eat but didn’t respond when I followed up right after. I waited a few minutes, assuming he was still looking through the app, since his screen showed him looking at his phone. After a while, I asked him another question and he ignored me. I found it strange. A few minutes later, he hung up.

It turns out, K had told me twice what he wanted to eat and I completely missed it. I don’t know if it was my cell connection, or my hearing. K was upset because he felt like he had dropped everything to order my food previously, but I didn’t care enough for him to do the same. I felt horrible, because not hearing him was an honest mistake on my end.

It took two days for us to fully resolve the issue. It felt like whatever apology I had to give was irrelevant, and nothing could stop his conviction that I didn’t care as much for him as he does for me.

I felt this was unfair because I’d clearly shown care with the surprise tickets. I also thought the tickets were objectively high in value, which should indicate my willingness to sacrifice for him, even though I’m not earning anything as a university student.

This incident made me realise K is avoidant in conflict. I’m quite the opposite; my anxious attachment style led me to obsess over the situation. Despite my multiple apologies and loving texts, his responses became dry and even left me blue-ticked.

Part of K’s “taken for granted” issue stems from his absolute hatred of being blue-ticked. I discussed this with him and asked why it was acceptable for him to do it. His reasoning was that I had ignored him so naturally he would ignore me.

This incident highlighted for me that K is still deeply hurt by past trauma in relationships and his defence mechanisms are evident when he’s upset. I understood this was his way of self-protection.

The main issue:

K and I usually have three windows to call each day: in the afternoon when he finishes his first shift, in the evening when he finishes his second, and in the night when he’s done for the day. We usually fall asleep together on our night calls.

It had been a while since the previous incident. One night, we were video calling as usual. I had a horrible sore throat and fever, which K knew, and I fell asleep on our call. I woke up at 5pm the next day with my sickness and saw no messages from him. It hurt me a little, but I apologised for not texting him earlier because I had missed our first window of the day.

I was left on delivered by K for 4 hours, after which I texted again to ask if he was alright. By that time, we had missed our second window of the day. K texted back saying he’d call me after he was done for the day. In my timezone, that usually means he’ll call at around 1am.

I waited until 4am, having received no word from him at all. I then asked if he was available, to which he only responded “Yes”, without calling me instantly. I decided to just call him instead, but he didn’t respond.

Despite my sickness, I stayed awake until 6am before I eventually texted him to say that I felt neglected (I basically said “Feels like you don’t want to talk to me”). I then went to sleep.

In the morning, he replied that we hadn’t spoken much the previous day. I texted back, agreeing and expressing my sadness. I asked him to call me when he could. This was all before our first chance to call.

The first window passed without a text or call. I texted again, saying I really needed to talk. He replied with “Okay”. I genuinely thought he’d take the hint and call me then.

However, the second window also went by without a response.

He finally called me at 2am.

During our call, I asked K what was going on. He said he had a feeling I was taking him for granted and wanted to make me realise he wasn’t a “game”. I was genuinely hurt and asked for the basis of his feeling.

K admitted it was just a feeling but then gave examples of how I don’t usually call first. I explained that I respect his working hours so I usually ask when he’s available before calling. He dismissed that as an excuse.

I attempted a sincere and straightforward conversation with K about my feelings. I felt I hadn’t done anything to warrant his sudden withdrawal.

However, I believe we both misinterpreted each other due to the language barrier. I’ve realized that, at times, the language barrier makes it difficult for us to discuss complex situations in detail.

After a while of my talking, K stopped answering.

I asked if he had the energy to even talk. He told me he didn’t, and I asked if he’d rather I ended the call. He basically told me to make the decision myself because he didn’t like forcing people to stay when they didn’t want to.

I was happy to stay on call with him; I just wanted his company after what felt like the longest day apart. An hour into our own quiet time, he hung up on me.

I’m writing this at 5:08 am after being hung up on after the aforementioned call. I genuinely don’t know how to handle this situation. I know he won’t text me first tomorrow so I’ll have to start the conversation again. It’s exhausting but I’m at a loss for what else to do. I don’t want to leave this issue unresolved.

I also don’t want this issue to be the breaking point.

I’m not giving up on us or him because I truly believe he’s a once-in-a-lifetime person. It sounds cliché but the circumstances of our meeting were magical. I can’t fully describe the interactions and memories we shared while we were together but I’ve never felt this enamoured before.

While it might seem naive, a special kind of character is needed to convince me of genuine love and he possesses it. He even mentioned a few days ago that he’s decided to spend his annual holiday with me in my country, meaning I’ll see him in two months.

My questions are below:

1. Based on all the above information, is there any other way I could have handled the situation?
2. What are the talking points I should consider for our next conversation about the situation?
3. How can I mediate similar tension/ conflict with K in the future?

hey, so theres a guy who i keep matching with on multiple sites but he doesnt reply on any of them. i dknt know why, maybe because all i wrote was "hi, how are you" but i really dont know how else i should dtaft a conversation. i reslly like him but i dont want t come off as desperate or texting him something weird. what should i do?

So, I'm a 27-year-old guy on a dating app. I matched with a cool 21-year-old girl, and we had a great conversation over a few days. We shared details about our lives, and the energy was definitely there.

Then I suggested that we have a phone call because I don't really like texting too much. She replied that we should go for a coffee instead. I told her that I'm running for town council and that I'm busy this weekend. She seemed impressed and asked about my program and plans.

I replied to her questions and also attached my campaign poster to the message. Since then, she has gone completely cold. No answer. I don't even know if she has seen the message, and I don't want to pay for the premium feature to find out.

There was no mention of an ex-boyfriend, no "I need more time," or anything like that. She simply disappeared. It kind of affected me because I felt there was a genuine connection there.

Any ideas?

Title covers the basic details all but to add some more detail: a couple months ago I (23M) met someone (21F) on Hinge and we have gotten together quite a few times, texted regularly, etc., but I haven’t actually made some sort of physical move beyond just hugging. Things are complicated a bit because she ordinarily lives with her family in the same city as I do, but goes to school a few hours away (and has spent some time there this summer), which has affected things since her being out of town sometimes has limited how much we’ve seen each other, and she will be going to school in the fall. I’m fairly certain that she likes me very much (since we have still been going out, she has very much prioritized seeing me when she has been in town, and she became very excited when I said I wanted to visited her at school for a weekend), and my feelings about her have gradually deepened and solidified as well, which makes me want to make a move and more generally express my feelings/escalate things. However, it’s been difficult to read her body language (not least since I am autistic, diagnosed, and am very certain she is as well) or generally figure out how and when is the best to make a move/escalate things. While I was thinking that the best time to do so is when I spend the weekend with her by simply being direct and honest, I would eagerly appreciate any further advice or discussion. Thank you!

For the past couple of days, I’ve been talking to a guy over the phone. And every time I ask him something, he just says “MEOW.” What does that mean?

ps; not a ususal 11pm thirst rant, I don't post often but when I do - it's genuine.

tldr; met a girl during flight. quality talks for a good 15 mins. did not ask for a name. love nearby. found linkedin and confused wether I should send her a connection request.

i met this girl during a flight. during the entire flight we did not talk. when we landed i cracked a joke on Delhi and she laughed taking that as an opening we started talking. we talked the entire while till we were ready to deport. some good 15 mins. it was engaging from both sides.

as i was leaving the check-in belt, we saw each other off and that's it.

now my stupid ass did not tell my name or asked hers. we talked about everything except that. where we work, where we're from, what plans in delhi etc, etc.

now from all that she told me about her academics and work, i later found out who she is on LinkedIn, through my "**expert stalking skills".** now she won't be able to find me even if she wanted to cuz my profile is not yet updated.

back in bangalore we live nearby. she's been here for the last 4 years (academics + work) and I'm here for just 2months.

I'm worried sending her. a request on LinkedIn will come off as a creep. it'll come off as someone who doesn't have balls to ask a name but stalk a person online (although it's almost true).

I have a crush on this guy I’ve seen at the gym a few times. I know his name because a friend of mine used to work at the gym, so she was familiar with him. Well I followed him on Instagram recently with every intention of DM’ing him, but now I’m unsure. He hasn’t posted on his Instagram in years and never posts stories. Also, I wouldn’t say I’m 100% sure he is single though (he has some recent photos he was tagged in from girls in what I think is his friend group, but none seem like his girlfriend. Although, you never know I guess!)

I need advice! Is it weird to DM him? What would I even say?

Has DMing someone worked for anyone?

Any and all advice is welcome!! Thank you :)

*Just an added note: I should’ve clarified originally that my friend who worked there was (at the time) friendly with a trainer who was friends with him. So most of the information I got about him was through a mutual person - not the gym database! Now she doesn’t see/talk to that which is why I’m not asking him to help set us up.*

i’m really into a guy i knew from middle school/high school, and we recently reconnected as adults. we used to see each other almost every day, tease each other, and flirt, so there’s always been some chemistry between us.
recently, we started seeing each other more intimately, but so far we’ve only spent time together at night and at his place. he was actually the one who first made a move and leaned into me while i was talking to him. he also recently got out of a relationship, although i’m not sure exactly how long ago it was—somewhere between 3 and 11 months ago.
physically and personality-wise, he’s honestly a 10/10 to me. i’m wondering what usually happens when two people reconnect after knowing each other for years and there’s clearly attraction, but things initially develop in a more casual way.
one thing i find interesting is that we barely text. we have each other’s numbers, but our communication has always been much more natural in person. the first time he ever texted me, i left him on read, and the next time i saw him he jokingly told me i needed to respond to him next time. honestly, i found it kind of attractive because it showed me that he noticed.
however, he also doesn’t really pursue me through texting. after we first started seeing each other again, he didn’t text or call me for about a month. more recently, i’ve left his messages unanswered for 2–3 days because i’m genuinely terrible at responding, and he hasn’t sent another message or called. he has actually told me in person that he doesn’t double text.
so i’m curious how men interpret this. if you’re interested in a woman but she takes a few days to respond, would you normally just wait for her to respond instead of reaching out again? is not sending another message simply a dating preference, or could it mean you aren’t interested enough to pursue something more serious?
i’m also wondering if his recent relationship ending could be affecting this. maybe he isn’t ready for another relationship yet, or maybe he simply sees this as something casual. i don’t want to assume either way.
if you’ve experienced something similar, what ended up happening? did it eventually become a relationship, stay casual, or gradually fade out? and if you genuinely saw potential with someone, would you expect her to be more direct about wanting something serious, or would you pursue her regardless?

okay so i got kind of set up with this guy. we didn’t really know each other, we just have a lot of mutuals, like a lot. so i knew of him, thought he was cute, asked to get set up, and we started texting. we were only talking fr for maybe a couple days, not even. genuinely mid conversation he randomly decides to ghost me out of nowhere??
to be honest, i don’t really care, like you do you boo, but i’m honestly just really lost because the conversation was good and he was so engaged, so i don’t understand why he just ghosted me mid convo.
it’s not like i need closure because we were barely talking, but part of me wants to text him and say something along the lines of “if you didn’t want to talk, you could’ve just said that… ghosting me is kinda a dick move.”
but at the same time i don’t even know if i want to text him because what would that ever give me? i don’t know.
also my friends are disagreeing with each other. 2 say text him, the other 2 say don’t. also keep in mind i’m 18 and i don’t really talk to guys that much, so i genuinely don’t know what to do here. help 😭

OK, so last year I had met this guy and me and my friend went on a call with him with his friend and we were having fun. You know it wasn’t anything serious and stuff but then we started messaging. Let’s call this guy cookie so me and cookie started messaging privately and at first you know we had only known each other for a couple of hours so we kept going on calls and you know trying to get to know each other and he started talking to me about his favorite music and stuff and we realized we had a lot of music in common that we like, so on Spotify we did a Spotify blend and we had like a 96% match of songs that we both like and have in our favorites, so a day later, we went on another call, and mind you he is younger than me so that’s like a really bad thing but he’s only a couple months younger so it’s not that big of an age gap, but I still feel weird about it anyways literally two days later after knowing each other, he confesses his love to me and I’m not talking about a crush and you know harmless joke no full on I love you and I can’t live without you and you’re my soulmate and whatever, and I do not do relationships like at all I don’t date, I’ve never been in a talking stage. Well I have but it’s not that big of a deal you know and so after he confesses his love, he’s like I’ll wait for you and stuff like I’ll wait years for you and I’m like I do not date and I’ve told him before when we were on a call like I don’t date I don’t do relationships. I don’t do that type of stuff and then he’s like yeah I know, but I would literally wait years for you like you don’t get it and I felt really sketchy about this whole thing so I told him that I’m not gonna be in a relationship with you like not now, not ever I don’t see us working out and you know that I don’t do relationships he’s like yeah but if we’re both single in like 10 years, I want us to start talking again and see if the relationship could go somewhere and honestly, I was just like you know what OK like I don’t even know what to say. Mind you like a couple hours before this we were on call he was screen sharing, and he broke up with this girl while screen sharing so mind you he had broken up a couple hours before this and I didn’t even know what to make of that. He kept on saying I love your voice. I love your energy like ever since I heard your voice two days ago. It’s like love at first sight and he hasn’t even seen my face like he doesn’t know if I’m a catfish. He doesn’t know if I’m trolling him he doesn’t know any of that he’s just going based off my voice and my voice is not even appealing like I don’t sound girly. I don’t sound confident, I don’t have a voice that’s for the male appeal. You know what I mean, so anyways I felt really bad about the whole thing I had like weird vibes going on and I did not know what to make of it because he told me he’s dated a lot of women especially older women like he’s been a victim of a lot of older women and I told him like dude you’re a victim and then he’s like no I like it when they’re older oh my gosh anyways I did not know if this was actually him confessing or if it was a trick to try to get me on his roster so I told him like hey I can’t do this and I blocked him on everything and yeah this year actually a couple months ago I randomly remembered him and I was like let me see how he’s doing, but I remembered I had blocked him on everything so I tried seeing the blocked account on Instagram and his account was deleted and so I went on the place that we met and his account was also deleted but his friend’s account that we were in a call with me and my friend was still there, so i decided to message him and be like hey what’s going on, after he replied i asked him about cookie and if he has a new account and whatnot so the friend decided to make a gc of me, him, and cookie. We started talking in the gc and whatever but cookie wasn’t online yet, after he became online i started talking to him in the gc and he said that he remembered me and we should talk in priv. After talking in private we decided to take the conversation back to instagram. We started talking again and stuff it was really chill yk, we decided to call again to catch up and stuff. A couple months later we’re still friends, talking everyday, and i thought that we would still be friends yk no feelings and whatever, BUT one day me and my friend called him together and he was acting really off and i couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong with him, so after the call ended i asked him what was wrong, he said nothing i js like it better when we call alone i said okay that’s valid so next time we called it was alone. A week later id say my friend added her hb to the gc and her, her hb, cookie, and me all called on the gc and i honestly felt like it was really fun. But one thing that stuck out to me was that whenever i’d try talking to my friends hb cookie would try cutting me off, and whenever i’d try asking the hb questions, the hb would say oh why don’t you answer first then i’ll answer your question, so i answered first not thinking much of it then out of nowhere cookie started saying nah she’s lying she’s js saying that to get an answer out of you, and i got genuinely pissed off cus like why are you trying to stop him from answering a question that i asked him ykwim? anyways i left the call and cookie texted me saying “you had fun in the call?” i said “honestly, no. whenever i tried asking the her hb questions or just talking to him in general you’d always cut me off or get him not to answer my questions which i found really odd.” he proceeded to say “oh i did?” like dude yk you did wtf? anyways i said “yes you did” he said “oh mb i didn’t realize, next time ill let you talk to him. i just found it funny how u lied abt your answer to get him to answer it.” i then said “i didnt lie about any of the answers i told him.” i didnt reply after that because i genuinely so mad, even though it was something small, i was still pissed off. The next morning he says wanna call? i said i can probably call tonight and he says alr cant wait, i ask him you wanna call in the gc or in private? he says in private so that i can focus only on you. I didn’t know how to feel abt that so i just said OK. That night i was really busy and couldn’t call so i told him and he said yeah it’s fine let’s call tmrw. Tomorrow comes and i started asking him questions about the call again and after i finish asking him questions he says are you done with the questions? i say yeah thats all for now. He then says so it’s either you asking me questions or complete silence? i said yeah pretty much and he says alr text me if u have anymore questions. I was sending my friend all the ss of what was happening and she told me to flirt with him and whatnot to see if he still had feelings for me. So i said anything to keep your attention, after that we started flirting back and forth, and i do admit i sent the ss to my friend because i needed her opinion to see if he has feelings or if he’s just doing it for fun. She said she thinks he has feelings for me and i said idk guess we’ll find out. The next morning i open instagram and see his note to a love song and i was like is this about me? as a joke but he acc said yeah it is. I was flabbergasted. so then he wanted to call i said idk i might not call cus i might be w my roster ykwim? he said i hope your roster is as strong as mine. i said oh so you do have a roster? he said nah i don’t. (forgot to mention when we started talking i asked him about last year when he confessed his love to me if it was real or if it was all a game to get me into his roster. he said no it was all real i never had a roster) so after that he started acting really weird and he would barely reply so i asked my friend to text him on instagram while me and her were on a call. he said he felt disrespected when i joked abt having a roster because he had been waiting all this time for me (while fully knowing i don’t do relationships) and i was acc in shock because i didn’t know that he genuinely felt disrespected. so i texted him privately, took accountability for what i did, apologized, and told him i hope we can still be friends. he said yeah id like to be friends as well but i might need time to see if i still wanna wait for you and i said yeah that’s completely valid. At this point it was 6 am so i decided to say good night and went to sleep. I woke up to see his note was a name (not gonna say the name) with a red heart next to it. i didn’t ask him about it because i felt like it would give him satisfaction so i left it alone. last week was my birthday and he didn’t wish me a happy birthday so i texted him as a joke saying oh so no happy birthday for me? at 11 pm. He responded saying don’t spoil the surprise I’ll give u the gift when im home. i was like woah what gift?? He said just have patience i’ll show u when im home. so i said okay. I fell asleep and didn’t get to see what he made me. so when i woke up i texted him hey sorry i fell asleep im ready for the gift now. he sends me a link so i open it, it was a full essay talking abt how much he enjoys my company, how he doesn’t know what we are and if we will ever be something, how much he looks forwards to us talking even if it’s about the stupidest stuff. Then he made me a playlist of songs that remind him of me, how he feels about me, and things that remind him of US. he then proceeds to send me pics of bouquets of flowers (plural). One that he got because it was pretty, one that he got with dark red flowers (my fav color), beige flowers (his fav color), and white (for purity). i was genuinely in tears and honestly shocked that he did all this for me. I thanked him over and over showing how much i appreciate it. The upcoming week we talked everyday flirted everyday, but i didn’t like flirting because it felt like something romantic and stuff so i tried avoiding the flirting whenever possible, he now says everyday how much he missed me, how things reminded him of me, and romantic stuff which i try avoiding as much as possible because one thing about me, when someone shows they care for me (especially a man) i try distancing myself as much as possible, idek why it’s like my brain tellls me “oh they don’t care about you, they’re doing this for fun, they don’t mean anything they say” which im trying to work on but it isn’t working. i probably missed a lot of details because i am typing this in a hurry.

PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING!! EVEN IF IT IS OFFENSIVE I DON’T CARE!!

So this guy and I have been talking for almost 2 weeks. We’ve talked on the phone and everything has went well. We live about 2 hours from each other and we have opposite work schedules. He said he’d be willing to drive the 2 hours to meet me to hang out with me after I get off work (it’s on one of his days off).

Should I let him come all that way? I feel a little stressed and pressured if he’s coming this far for me. He offered to come to me. Am I overthinking? Should I just let him?

okay so i got kind of set up with this guy. we didn’t really know each other, we just have a lot of mutuals, like a lot. so i knew of him, thought he was cute, asked to get set up, and we started texting. we were only talking fr for maybe a couple days, not even. genuinely mid conversation he randomly decides to ghost me out of nowhere and it’s been 2 days now.
to be honest, i don’t really care, like you do you boo, but i’m honestly just really lost because the conversation was good and he was so engaged, so i don’t understand why he just ghosted me mid convo.
it’s not like i need closure because we were barely talking, but part of me wants to text him and say something along the lines of “if you didn’t want to talk, you could’ve just said that… ghosting me is kinda a dick move.”
but at the same time i don’t even know if i want to text him because what would that ever give me? i don’t know.
also my friends are disagreeing with each other. 2 say text him, the other 2 say don’t. also keep in mind i’m 18 and i don’t really talk to guys that much, so i genuinely don’t know what to do here. help 😭

Quick question when someone’s snapscore goes up by 2 constantly like at one time 100 and then 10min later 102 and then 30min later 104 … does it always mean that the other person is snapping with a talking stage or can that be with friends too? Because I don’t do that on a constant basis with my friends like throughout the whole day and it just makes me wonder that the person I’m dating is talking to someone else even tho we said we’re exclusive. I don’t mean this in a controlling way I’m just really anxious if I’m overthinking it or if there is some truth to it. Because it was also the case that the snapscore went up in 10min by 4 and I was still on delivered and only got a reply 30min later … the in person behavior of the person is cute tho but it’s also that all of a sudden the person can’t stay longer than they used to and seeing each other every two weekends( we’re a bit long distance) when the first 2 months the person would find solutions so that we could see each other longer and now it’s like yeah no I told u from the start we’ll be seeing each other only every two weekends probably it just feels like a switch up even tho I asked if everything is ok and I got reassurance and we’re making plans 1 month in advance I just feel like when I like the person I wouldn’t leave their chat on delivered for that long while snapping so answering someone else