u/samnatharae

My father adopted me after he married my mother, since then he has been diagnosed with mental illnesses and has since used them in a way of defending his actions. He’s been in and out of my life since I was little, he’s been constantly manipulative, narcissistic, painful (m&p), and more. On multiple occasions me and my mother have tried to sit down with him and tell him that what’s he’s doing is utterly wrong, each time he will get mad, cause a scene then go to his bio sons house to then complain until my moms phone is blowing up from his family. All of which are messages and calls about how my father ‘did nothing wrong’ and he’s just doing what he normally does.

I met my Fiance when I was 14, my father loved him but his actions and attitude toward me and my mother had stayed the same. I decided to move in with my grandparents for a safer and better home environment. I’ve had a job since I was 15 and been essentially providing for myself.

My and my Fiance got engaged later down the road and then found out we was pregnant about 5 months after. When we told my mom and my sister my father then found out and had a come apart. He then would sit and talk constantly about how me and Fiance are unfit to raise a child, how the child will grow up with no sense of reality, and more. He’s told my mom that my Fiance, “Didn’t have a daddy so what does the boy know”. My fiancé lost his father when he was young so that is sensitive for him.

Me and Fiance have since decided that my father is not a good role model to be in our kids life. I personally do not feel like my child would be safe in my father’s care. I’ve tried to express these emotions to my mother and each time I’ve heard, ‘what will you do when something happens’. I feel like when it comes to my child I should not have to feel bad for doing what I believe is the best and safest option.

However, I am reaching out to see if I’m being too extreme.

So I 18 F, am 22 weeks pregnant. My father 55 M adopted me when he married my mom and has been somewhat in and out of my life. He has also changed from being a caretaker and provider to just being enrolled and selfish. I got diagnosed with mental illness DEP when I was young, then he did and he has now sense then made his DEP and excuse for doing literally anything. I mean as simple as just taking his drink cup to the sink, or putting a plate in the dish wash. I believe it’s gotten out of hand, he also has just done a complete 180 mentally. He’s no longer a ‘good person’ like he was. He’s now cruel to a point, and he just won’t take accountability without getting mad and then make mental threats (plz tell me you get what I’m trying to say). When I try to tell him where my issues lie with him then he gets defensive and then trauma dumps like that somehow validates all of his wrongs and neglective tendencies. Me and my Fiance have since discussed this and I told him how I do not want my father in out child’s like because I just personally feel like he has also of self healing and a lot of work to do on himself and I want good role models for my children. My mom has tried using the, ‘what if one day something happens’ and scenarios like that against me. I now feel guilty for wanting my father out of my child’s life and no longer know how to go about expressing the feelings.