u/scissormetimbers888

I lost my beautiful kitty, Bella, January 5, 2025. After all this time, I haven’t moved on. I have two other kitties including a sweet little void I just adopted almost 5 months ago who looks and acts just like Bella, it’s quite adorable.

After losing my girl, I would occasionally have a dream about her. Not often, but in my dream, I would “feel” her and it seems like she was with me. This would put me at peace although I would end up waking up crying after figuring out it wasn’t real. I haven had a dream about her in months and I feel like that feeling is fading away and I’m panicking about her just becoming a memory in my head versus feeling her presence anymore, if that makes any sense.

I am still suffering tremendously, and I don’t tell anyone around me. Apologies if this is triggering anyone but I honestly have gone to the point where I feel like I just have no will to live anymore. I cry so much, I feel like I don’t even exist. Sure when I’m with family or at work I appear fine, put together. The truth is that it’s a facade and that feeling of emptiness never leaves. I’ll smile when something is funny, I’ll be at work involved and presenting in meetings pretending like I even know what I’m talking about. However, Bella is in the back of my mind and my heart is just completely broken. I’m just existing. Functioning. I am bawling my eyes out just writing this. I hate my life, all I want is to be reunited with my baby.