Guys I need help
Okay so as the title says I need yalls help. So a little background about me(F,22)is my dad(step but my dad nonetheless) was a pastor in the church and his 4 kids(2 women,2 men) were raised in the church but he’s super chill about his kids like his oldest is a lesbian but had a husband and 3 kids but mostly dates women now (2 women,1 man)(I’m saying it like that bc we’re all grown) and the other 3 are straight. Anyways they were raised in the church and from what I know it’s the Baptist church but I’m not sure at all because I’ve never asked. The oldest kid is more spiritual leaning. I say all this to say I am in the LGBTQ community and I was never scrutinized for my sexuality and ik that’ll never happen my parents(married) are in a poly relationship(my mom is bi and poly so by in large my dad gets a wife and girlfriend - this has been going on for years).
My main point here is that how do I get more into faith and Christianity? because me and my brother(same dad) were raised by our grandparents(my mom dated a guy in that family and they broke up and my mom couldn’t care for us so she dropped us off at our grandparents house but they aren’t biological family) and we went to church together as kids but I wasn’t interested in it bc obviously waking up as a kid at 6am is tiring but I love my grandparents a lot so I don’t mind doing it now if we went to visit). I’ve only recently gotten into it and my boyfriend is a Christian but this was a personal choice I made but I wasn’t that into religion as a teenager either. I mean I was trying to get my mental health in order and stuff but I knew I didn’t want to be at a low point in life and then boom I find God because there would’ve been a possibility of psychosis.
I have scrolled through instagram and I have seen videos of people deconstructing religions and I think that deconstructing religions is a fun thing to do and there’s nothing wrong with believing in nothing or believing in something completely different and I accept anyone who does. But when I see those videos it’s like my thinking is back at square one with my beliefs bc I’m so new. There’s an Episcopalian church where I live that is so accepting of people and I’ve always wanted to go.
But to end all this rambling: how do i strengthen my faith, how do I accept Jesus Christ in my heart of heart because im confused as to how that works,Am I allowed to question some of the things in the bible, what is going to be the hardest thing to overcome when first starting out, can I also go to my local Unitarian Universaliam church just to see what it’s about?