u/sheiko_x_smolov

Backstory: My ex/kids' mom gets our kids every 4th of July and Halloween per our parenting plan. A mistake of mine in mediation, I know. It's painful for me to never get to spend those holidays with them, particularly now that I'm remarried and step-parent two kids who I live with full-time while only having my biological kids 50% of the time. Spending these holidays with my step-kids but never my biological kids always hurts.

So this year, I asked if I could have my kids for Halloween. Their mom agreed. My wife has since decided that she and her 2 kids/my step-kids are going go out of town to visit their grandma. When my ex heard that my step-kids were going to be out of town, she asked for Halloween back. When I said the reason I had asked for Halloween was primarily so that I could have the holiday with the kids and not miss every Halloween in their childhoods, she replied:

"Thank you for clarifying your reason for asking about Halloween. My intention behind agreeing was for the kids to share a Halloween with their step-siblings while they were still small. That has changed.

However, if we continually differ to the kids preferences, I am okay with wherever we end up.

I will let the kids know they have some options even though their step-mom is out of town with the younger kids. I will also let them know if they want to continue traditions here, we will be trick or treating around my house and their friends are welcome to join us.

Let me know what they share with you."

I know that in the grand scheme of things this is a little thing. And honestly, it shouldn't surprise me that she doesn't care about my relationship with my kids at all. But it still surprised me. I thought her willingness to give me the holiday this year was a step towards both of us being reasonable/understanding toward each other. Guess I'll just go back to assuming the worst.

Hi all,

Quick context: I'm 40, male, married with 4 kids—2 I co-parent with my ex, and 2 I parent with my wife, who lost her first husband to cancer.

I have ~$1.2M in retirement assets and ~$175k in HYSA, mostly the result of living very cheaply and saving 40%+ throughout my 20s and early 30s. That was all pre-divorce, though. Today I earn $68k and live basically break-even on a zero-based budget. It covers the necessities, but leaves very little for groceries beyond the basics, maybe $100/month for eating out with the family or going out with my wife, no new savings, and essentially no discretionary "fun" spending. Every dollar has a job.

I don't want this to be my life for any longer than it absolutely has to be, and I'm trying to think of the best way to change it.

My current job has a promising 3–5 year trajectory that could potentially get me to ~150% of my current income in that timeframe. But I'd like to improve my situation sooner if I can. My oldest is 14, and I don't want to reach a point where I can finally afford the life I'd like to provide after he's already out of the house.

At the same time, I recognize that some of this is the consequence of my own choices. I didn't maximize my earning potential in my 20s and 30s, and I have to live with that. I'm not looking for sympathy so much as trying to figure out what lever I should actually be pulling now.

The life I really picture for myself eventually is pretty different: owning a small farm in the country and writing books about things I've struggled with and learned from—anxiety, depression, divorce, remarriage, blended families, co-parenting, etc. But that's not exactly a short-term cash-flow strategy. It feels more like something I'd pursue after I've done whatever actually solves my cash-flow situation.

I also look at people who built businesses and now have relatively hands-off income and think, "I wish I'd gone that route earlier." But starting a business now isn't obviously easier.

The biggest constraint is time. I'm out of the house around 6 a.m. most days and often don't finish work/kid logistics/homework/lunches/etc. until around 9 p.m. or later Weekends are usually full too. Even one soccer game per kid eats up a lot of the weekend, and there's usually a lot more than that going on.

And I don't want to simply sacrifice my kids' childhood to build something. I'm a co-parent, so I don't have the flexibility a parent in a nuclear family might. During my 50% of parenting time, the kids' activities, homework, meals, etc. are my responsibility, not my wife's. My wife is their stepmom, not their mom, and I think it's important that I actually be present for the time I have with them. Even on days that aren't in my 50%, I try to be present at activities, appointments, etc.

So what would you do in my situation?

• Focus almost entirely on accelerating my career and let my existing ~$1.4M of assets compound in the background?
• Find something I'm genuinely passionate about and figure out how to monetize it?
• Find something practical/boring that can generate additional income?
• Invest in a business that can cash-flow without requiring much of my time?
• Something else entirely?

I'm interested in hearing from people who've been in a similar position—especially people who had a decent asset base but relatively low current income, significant family obligations, and very limited time.

Hi all,

I've been on TRT for ~9 months now. I started at 100mg/wk IM, and got **really** bad "gyno" (huge, swollen glands, eneormoulsy painful to the lightest touch), so switched to injecting 50mg 2x/wk and added .5mg anastrozole. Have since upped to 80mg 2x/wk. My bloodwork from that came back at:

PSA, total: .62

Estradiol: 35

Testosterone, total: 369 ng/dl

Bloodwork was taken ~36 hrs after injection, first thing in the morning, fasted.

I'm discouraged. I feel like I've likely had low T for... maybe my entire life (my training response has always been garbage, I've always been exhasuted, I just didn't look into it until my late 30s, and I got bloodwork 4 separate times with levels in the 200-300s over the course of 1.5 years before deciding to start TRT. My energy has felt better on TRT, and my training response has felt better, but I would expect to see my levels go where they're "expected" to go (upper hundreds, close to 1k) on currently 80mg 2x/wk = 160mg/wk total.

I guess I just don't understand what could cause my body to maintain pretty low levels on what I'm injecting PLUS have a pretty strong estrogenic response. Truth be told, I'm somebody who loves training and want to have a great physique. I watch probably too many videos of people who've run 500 test + 400 deca + 30 dbol or 750 test + 600 tren cycles, so part of this may just be that my expectations aren't aligned with reality. But I also think the levels I'm getting back from my bloodwork don't make sense to me, and I'd love to understand what's going on (so far, my doc hasn't shed light on it for me).

Appreciate any insights. Thanks much.

Hi all,

I'm 39, turning 40 in a few weeks. Have always enjoyed lifting weights, but have been most consistent the past year and a half, and hopped on TRT after years of levels consistently in the 2-300s. Followed a PHUL / DUP split and saw awesome strength and physique gains (nothing to break social media, but great for me).

Then I played 2 minutes of a pick-up basketball game with my son at the local Rec Plex on Sunday and blew my achilles. I haven't seen the ortho yet (that's tomorrow afternoon), so I don't even know exactly what treatment is going to be required and what recovery timeline is to be expected, but I'd like to have some idea what people have managed to do—or have found wiser not to do—when it comes to training during recovery.

I think some of it is healthy. I like working out in our basement gym first thing when I get home from work—it gives me energy for the rest of the day, helps me clear stress, and has to be good for my mental and physical health overall.

I think some of it is unhealthy. I'm constantly gauging whether my sleeves feel tighter (or looser), my pecs feel better, my shoudlers look wider, my back looks thicker, my legs look bigger, etc. I train partly to constantly alleviate my dissatisfaction with my appearance.

So I'm struggling with the reality of not being able to continue to follow my normal routine (I had actually really grown to love squatting and deadlifting and was starting to mvoe some repsectable weights). And I'm struggling with knowing that I'm going to get weaker and smaller over the next however many weeks... and that it may be a long, long time until I'm ever able to squat and/or deadlift heavy again.

Curious how you all have dealt with this. Thoughts much appreciated.

Hi all,

Before even getting started, just want to say I appreciate any and all advice/feedback I get.

Quick of a backstory as I can give:

I'm 39, M, 4 kids.

I grew up pretty dedicated to music, went to undergrad for Civil Engineering b/c it's what my parents said to do. Switched into music—still not sure whether I regret that or not.

Did a 4-year Mdiv (i.e. be a pastor degree) after that, b/c people encouraged me that I was really good at teaching, leading, etc. That's still feedback I get today when people ask me to do weddings and funerals.

I taught music privately for 10+ years. Tried to live as LCOL as possible and max out i401(k)s to get to FIRE ASAP. Got to my original FIRE target (1M) at 35, but divorce shortly followed—possibly related to my single-mindedness to FIRE. Lost half of that, but am at a new all-time high net worth with how the stock market's been doing the past several years.

I pivoted into data analytics post-divorce, to try to align my schedule better with my kids (teaching was a lot of late evenings + weekends). I also wanted to prove to myself that I could "hack it" in corporate. I'm doing pretty well thus far, but realizing that the individual contributor -> team lead -> manager -> senior manager path isn't going to actually provide the lifestyle I want.

My wife (super grateful for 2nd marriage) was very successful in corporate and is very entrepreneurial. We have dreams of a lifestyle that includes a farm, lots of acreage, animals, and a great family life on all that space. I just want to help move us towards those goals and, importantly, provide my kids a different life while they're still home (my oldest is going on 14 and I feel the time getting short before college). My current corporate salary is break-even on a very modest budget. Basically, my net worth is okay, but my cash flow is not great.

Thing is, I was definitely a "solopreneur" while I taught music—I was good at what I did, held long client relationships, and rose to the top of my field in the area, but there was a definite cap on selling my time by the hour, and I never saw a way to scale. I don't have a passion, or a skill that I feel is really profitable that I could build a business out of. I don't think I have any particular knowledge of business that would let me do well if I used cash to buy a cash-flowing business. I'm also pretty risk-averse, and really don't like to do things unless they're "sure-fire,"which I get the sense s not the mentality of an entrepreneur.

So, I guess I'm one of many people more-or-less saying that I know I want more out of life, and I believe business ownership and possibly operation is one of the only ways I see to really change my life, but I don't have the first idea what to do or even where to go to ask with my background and skills/lack thereof.

Thanks much.

Hi all,

Quick backstory: I started college as a Civil Engineering student, but switched into instrumental performance after just a semester (I had grown up a pretty capable musician, and it was probably my strongest skill + passion in life). After undergrad, I attended seminary, because people encouraged me that I was really good at teaching and leading (faith was another big part of my life). After graduating seminary, though, I just kept teaching music because I had just had my first kid, and teaching income was actually pretty good. Made a pretty decent career out of it for over 10+ years. Leaned into being self-employed and having an i401(k) to build towards FIRE. Reached my initial FIRE target at 35, but then unexpectedly went through a divorce. Pivoted out of teaching into a corporate career in data to: (a) make myself more available to my kids (not teaching nights and weekends); and (b) prove to myself that I could "hack it" in corporate (I always wondered, given that I had never done it.

I've been here a little over a year now. Doing really well. Getting opportunities. But learning that opportunities in corporate don't really change your life. You get a promotion, more responsibility, a little raise. But you're never escaping this wheel. Super stereotypical, I know. I had pursued FIRE because I wanted to live on my own terms ASAP in life. Write. Travel. Live in Thailand for low COL and experiences. Now I feel stuck to where I am—I basically started over at almost 40, career-wise, so I'm not where a 40-year-old who has started this path at 22 would be, income-wise. I can't leave the area I'm in for another 10 years due to joint custody. And I just... watch people who it looks like are able to live their life freely and think, "This can't be all there is to my life." Again, I know... super stereotypical.

Honestly, I'd love to "make it" sharing experiences (fitness, travel) and reflections on what I've learned (regret, direction, marriage, divorce, remarriage, blended family, identity, self-worth, etc. etc. etc.). And by "make it" I mean: Be able to live on my own terms and earn enough money that it meaningfully changes life for me and my family. But I never start because: (a) I don't think I have anything valuable enough to really contribute; (b) Even if I believed I had something valuable enough to really contribute, I struggle to believe I'd ever "make anything of it," in the sea of everyone else out there making stuff; and (c) I guess given where I am (started over, wife and kids to take care of) I don't feel like I can really take risks / invest time in things that aren't guaranteed to work. But I feel like I have to do something. I can't just live like this the rest of my life.

I was talking to a friend who's "making it" doing career coaching for executives. So I see that there are paths. I just... feel like I've been trying to find mine my whole life and still am uncertain what it is.