u/shhhshesasecret

Sorry if the title doesn’t make sense, I’m still wrapping my head around all the terms!

I’d like to buy a property in SE England, however when I run my information through the SO affordability calculator, my total monthly payments to net mortgageable income ratio results at around 46-48% (fiddling with the deposit amount I have).

Are mortgage lenders/housing associations strict on the 45% ratio? Is it possible to negotiate it since it would be literally like 1-3% higher? It’s a tricky one as when I look at the total monthly payments, I know I could definitely afford it - it may be tough for a bit but I could manage my bills okay enough to afford it reasonably comfortably, but obviously mortgage lenders don’t consider that.

I’d really like a property of my own and SO seems like the only way right now without me moving into a worse-off area or property (nothing against that, I’m a single woman who would be away from family so security and feeling safe in an area is really important to me)

Thanks!!

Hi all.

Apologies for sending so many posts within the span of like 24 hours, the last few days have not been easy at all and this is my first time dealing with something like this.

I recently made this post ( https://www.reddit.com/r/BipolarSOs/s/KVp2NP8Ath ) as my BPSO had gone through an episode where he was very suicidal, I had to call the services and contact his family, and he said we were done due to this, hence the post.

We didn’t talk for maybe like 2 hours (minus some mean texts from him) before he slowly started to message more about how he missed me, but couldn’t trust me. After talking about it, he’s agreed that he’ll find a therapist specialising in BP, he’ll find a new source of income (part of the episode he left his job but this was due to happen anyway for unrelated reasons), and he’ll work to make sure we can stay together and not have another episode like that. He apologised for everything he had said and done, and said he understood why I had to call the services, even if he didn’t necessarily agree with it, and that he still loves me.

So far I’ve said we can be together again, as long as he stays consistent with therapy and other things that might help his BP, and we make a plan for in case things escalate to this level again.

Am I wrong to go back with him? Should I just have called it quits there and then?

My heart hurts without him, and I want to be there for him while he works to get better, and I do love him, but part of me is scared that maybe this is just part of the BP, and by tomorrow he’ll be back to where he was before. I have relationship OCD and other problems of my own, and sometimes it can be hard to tell if this is just my OCD flaring up, or something more.

Also thank you to everyone who commented on my other post, it’s been really tough dealing with these ups and downs but I’m glad a community like this is here to help everyone.

Sorry still recovering fresh from it all, I had made a post yesterday about how to support my partner with BP1 through wanting to die.

I ended up calling 911, which he had said if I did, he’d never speak to me again. But I still called and yeah, now he’s not speaking to me anymore.

I’m never known him to be so mean as he was before he stopped talking to me.

I miss him so much, and right now the pain doesn’t seem like it’ll ever fade. He was my future, and bestest friend, and now I feel like I have nothing. But I can only hope my actions have made him safer.

I’m sorry if posts like this aren’t allowed, I don’t have any one else to turn to.

I wish him the best in life, and I hope he can make the steps towards getting better.

LDR partner currently going through episode where he is very fixated on committing suicide. I’m doing my best to help him through directing the conversation away from it, I tried to talk about the future but that didn’t work, I tried fighting his thoughts about it but that didn’t work, right now we are just talking about whatever I think about as far away from suicide and I’m praying to whatever gods exist that he won’t actually do it.

During the worst of it, I kept trying to find things to tell him, or at least what i should focus on but i struggled to find things to say during the actual episode, it was all preventative measures.

What do I say to him when he feels this way? He doesn’t listen much right now due to feeling this way, which also makes it difficult, not to mention we’re LDR, so the only way I can support is through text (he won’t answer calls right now).

Partner is BP1, not medicated or currently in therapy (if we get through this i’m going to try and encourage him to start one of the two) and we have been together for just under a year. This is not the first episode I’ve seen from him since we got together, but this is the worst. I love him, and don’t want to lose him.

Sorry if this is tagged wrong or wrong place, it’s been a long day and I’m so scared about losing him.

please don’t tell me i should leave him, i’m not going to do that, i know he is more than his bipolar even if he can’t see it himself but right now leaving him is not a possibility i want to consider and i think even in his state it’s not something he wants either otherwise he would tell me he’s that type of person

Honestly the title makes it sound more dramatic than it is!

edit 2: I’m in my 20’s living with parents! Hoping to move out soon for an unrelated reason, but those plans aren’t set in stone

I am in a situationship with a worldly person, the only reason it is a situationship is because I made it very clear to my partner at the beginning that my family is religious and I wasn't sure how well they'd accept it, so we held off on becoming official, but now I'm at the point where I want to be in a proper relationship with this person, but I have no clue how to tell my parents that I'd like to begin dating someone seriously.

I consider myself fortunate as my parents believe I am PIMQ, and when we've discussed the idea of me dating whether that's with someone in the cong or in the world, they seem open to the idea, but it's a lot easier to say yes to something when it seems far off, and I still have no idea how to tell them due to this never happening before (because I was too young and immature to date due to JW rules)!

I'm so nervous about letting them know that I even resorted to checking the borg website, which was useless 🤣

How do I let them know without it turning too much into a big deal? I’d prefer to let them know as I don’t enjoy having secrets from my family, and as things progress in a relationship (whether with my current partner or with someone else), this will simply be a reoccurring problem in the future!

Apologies if this isn’t explained very well, happy to clarify if it helps!

edit: I forgot to say that I currently do not attend meetings! Hence the physically questioning. My partner does not live close so it also somewhat reduces the risk of people from the cong seeing me, but I am concerned about what might happen if someone saw me and told the elders as I am technically baptised.