how to deal with my autistic partner’s behavior?
20f & 22m. We’ve been together for 3 years but we’ve been on and off a lot of times. Several issues in the past happened such as me pushing him away a lot of times during our first few months together because of my own trauma (something i’ve worked on a lot and have improved on). He has severe anger issues from not being able to understand emotions and situations a lot. He tends to misunderstand what i say and immediately react and get mad at me and proceeds to insult and disrespect and even threaten me sometimes. He also can’t seem to understand things from my side and if im explaining something he thinks that i want to be the “right one” when that’s so far from what i said or mean. He says he can’t control it especially when he’s already triggered. But when he’s calm he takes everything back and tries to reassure me but because it’s hard for him to explain how he actually feels (or he says he holds back), i don’t feel fully reassured.
I’ve tried communicating my feelings and thoughts (and actually there’s times where it’s hard for me to say how i feel immediately and it’s a big problem for him because he thinks im hiding how i feel and he only gives me a few minutes of understanding before he gets mad again) and ive said my triggers too and literally what i need and want specifically but it’s like he really can’t grasp it, or sometimes he says im expecting too much when it’s not at all a lot..We’ve broken up a lot of times because he keeps impulsively leaving me over arguments even if it can be talked out. He’s very avoidant and protects himself because he’s afraid of getting hurt. He complains about how we’ve tried and it’s not working but i’ve keep telling him how can we fix things if he keeps leaving and not actually working it out with me.
honestly the story is a lot more complicated and long but that’s basically the part of it for now.
I don’t know what to do anymore, i’m so lost and i really need advice. I know he still loves me and he’s trying his best to fix things (since there’s also a lot of other factors involved in this issue) im trying to do everything to communicate and work things out but i don’t know how to get him to understand me. I know he doesn’t want to be this way and i want to support him because i really love him a lot. He’s a really sweet guy underneath all the anger and he was really different before all the external problems occurred. I never blamed him for having these disorders (especially since i also have some of my own), however, i know it doesn’t excuse his actions. Is there anything i can do to help this? i just want us to be okay :((