u/simmemeeee

28F. i've struggled with BDD for as long as i can remember. i spent my skinnier years thinking i was huge. now i'm not sure what i really look like or what i look like to others, and this is really affecting my perception of self.

i shy away from pictures now because when i have a picture taken of me, i look enormous. i'm 5'8 around 230lbs (105kg) and i wear L/XL tops and size 14 pants depending on the cut and style. measurements 46 over/40 under, 36 waist (before food), 46 hip. i've been told in person i don't look my weight, but in most pictures of me that exist (that i don't take myself) i feel like i look like my weight. i see my double chin. my rolls, my abdomen larger than the rest of me, and i just genuinely look big. my boyfriend doesn't talk to me about my weight or my body; he has always been supportive of me and he loves me for me. i really appreciate that about him. when other people take pictures of us together, i feel even more insecure about how i look because my boyfriend is very lean and i am clearly not and i feel like a whale compared to him.

when i look in the mirror, i don't think i look as big as i do in the pictures. i still see all of my insecurities, of course, but in the mirror i don't think i look my weight the same way as in pictures.

can anyone tell me if they've experienced this same thing? is this just part of BDD? is there any way to know what i actually look like? any and all advice is greatly appreciated. BDD is affecting my self esteem since i don't really know what's real, and i just want to know the truth once and for all.

thank you in advance for any advice! 🫶🏾