u/singingpianowoman

For example, let's say I basically couldn't hear worship music without being very triggered. How far can that be taken with people? What do you think would be reasonable vs. unreasonable? Thank you and please feel free to add other examples!

• I'm asking because I have multiple friends with these triggers and I want to respect both them and myself! This is not my trigger.

What advice would you all have for someone struggling with oppositional defiance? I mean it's really hard. We're both autistic, but because society didn't give a shit about autistic girls for a long time, I had to gain skills and overcome my own ODD anyway. He was treated like he'd never learn, and so he hasn't, but he's capable. How do I know he's capable? He had to overcome blackouts where he didn't know his own name and went to EMDR to do it. That was huge for us! He no longer blacks out. We've been in so much therapy and he's about to go back to EMDR. I know the EMDR is going to do wonders but man we've been together for 6 years married for about 2, and it's just sucking the life out of me to constantly be treated like we're not on the same team together. It'll be big and small things. Oh, I asked him to use 2 packs of chicken instead of 1 for dinner because we were feeding more people that night. We agree verbally. He later refuses and tells me why he didn't think my request mattered, like he just didn't want to. He used 1 pack. Rinse and repeat with many other types of things. The agreeing and then later negotiating why he didn't think my request made sense (and it's never an unreasonable crazy request) is driving me BONKERS. At LEAST tell me you're planning on ignoring it instead of misleading me the first time around. When I talk to him about this and how important it is, it's extremely difficult for him to hear me out. He looks like he's in physical pain to have to hear how he affects me in these ways and that I want to be considered and respected, but like it looks like the pain is from HAVING to give a shit.

Edit: I do explain my requests to try and help him understand them.

TL;DR My husband has bad ODD, we're both autistic but he struggles to emphasize and value growth and overcoming certain things as a man, whereas I had to figure it out anyway as a woman. He constantly treats me like the enemy. He says yes to requests I make just to not do them and explain why he didn't need to do it and it's not a big deal. This is HIGHLY frequent.