u/sirenita_1388

I posted in here a handful of weeks ago about finding out that my best friend in the world is pregnant the same weekend where I found out that I was about to begin miscarrying following an unexpected pregnancy of unknown location the month I planned to start IVF. She’s known about the difficulty of infertility over the past 3 years, the 3 failed IUIs I completed earlier this year, that I was pregnant but it didn’t seem viable, and then I found out that she was pregnant (she wasn’t even trying seriously) at like the worst possible time. I posted in here looking for advice and asking if people in similar situations have had their friendships survive and everyone was really helpful.

After taking some space and having a serious conversation about boundaries and how we both felt, we agreed that neither of us wanted the other to feel like we had to censor ourselves and that we care about each other and didn’t want this to change things for us.

Unfortunately, that’s not really seemed to be the case. I’ve noticed a difference in how she reacts to things I say. Before, if I said, “this is so unfair that I have to do this (IVF),” I’d get “it is unfair, I’m so sorry, it sucks and you shouldn’t have to.” Now I get, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

The biggest thing, though, is that she complains about pregnancy symptoms CONSTANTLY and I feel like this is just highly insensitive. Historically I’ve been the person she complains to about her various health issues/pains/life, but this just feels like, read the room! I’d do anything to be pregnant. I can handle the good news - it’s hard but it doesn’t ruin my whole day because I am genuinely happy for her. But, when it’s endless “pregnancy sucks today” types of complaints, it makes me spiral. Like, she doesn’t even appreciate this, why did she get it and I didn’t? Or then I get angry at her and resent her, then I feel guilty for resenting her. Sometimes when I’m already having a hard day, I feel like, “is she just rubbing it in that she’s pregnant and I’m not?” and then I feel awful for feeling that way. It ends up with me spiraling about my body, my self-worth, sadness, anger, etc and puts a major downer on my day.

I don’t expect her to enjoy every second of pregnancy for my sake, and if she isn’t fully enjoying it, I am sorry. Obviously if something serious were going on, I’d want to know, but I just feel like it should be pretty obvious and requires only a very basic level of self-awareness to realize that I’m not the best person to complain about heartburn and bloating and headaches to.

I plan on speaking to my therapist today about to not spiral when she does this, and to maybe help me communicate this boundary in a way that doesn’t make her defensive or lead to more drama. I am also scheduling consultations with therapists that specialize in infertility. But I’m just curious if anyone else has had a friend do this as well and if you said anything or just sucked it up.

tw: mention of pregnancy loss

Hi, I'm looking for perspectives from people who have actually been through this, rather than judgment about who is "right" or "wrong."

I've been dealing with unexplained infertility for almost three years, including three failed IUIs, and had finally prepared myself to move forward with IVF. We were set to begin the retrieval process this cycle. Then, I became unexpectedly pregnant just before we started (my first positive ever), but had a lot of uncertainty and stress about viability due to my low betas/progesterone. Unfortunately, that pregnancy is now ending, so I'm currently dealing with a loss as well.

Over the weekend, my best friend of 12 years told me that she's pregnant. I genuinely love her and am happy for her, but I'm also devastated for myself. Even if I weren't currently going through a loss, I think it would still be incredibly difficult to watch someone I love enter the exact chapter I've been desperately trying to reach for years. Her fertility journey has also looked very different from mine, and I think that has added another layer to the complicated feelings I'm trying to work through.

I think one of the hardest parts for me is that she has historically been one of my biggest emotional supports, not just through infertility, but life in general. She is one of the few people I have always felt completely comfortable being honest with about any experience, including saying things like "I hate this," "I'm angry," "I'm jealous," "this is so unfair," "I'm doing everything right, I don't get this," etc. without worrying that I was going to make her feel guilty or bring down her experience, because she doesn't have kids and has never been pregnant before.

Now that she is, I feel like that dynamic has changed. I don't want to have to completely censor myself or pretend that I'm not struggling just to make sure I don't upset her or say something she takes personally, but I also don't want her to feel guilty about her pregnancy or like she has to manage my emotions while she's going through a big change. At the same time, I'm scared that if I can't be honest with her anymore, that means I've lost one of the people I most relied on while going through infertility, and if/when we decide to move forward with IVF (I have a lot of feelings about IVF, but that's another post), I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get through it without her.

I also don't want to eventually resent her because I felt like I couldn't be honest about my experience because I was too worried about protecting her feelings or preventing an argument, especially now that my feelings could directly impact her experience. To be clear, we absolutely do not only talk about my infertility, but she has been a huge source of support for me through those conversations, as well as through life in general.

On top of all that, I feel horrible that I can't "just" be happy for her, and that instead I have such complicated feelings about something that I genuinely wish I could experience as uncomplicatedly as I normally would.

There have also been some hurt feelings on both sides around how the pregnancy news was communicated and how we're each processing/navigating things now, so we're currently taking some space. I don't think either of us necessarily wants to lose the friendship, but I honestly don't know what it looks like from here.

For those of you who have been in something similar:

• Did your friendship survive?
• Did you need to take a break or create boundaries around pregnancy/baby talk?
• Were you eventually able to be genuinely happy for your friend without feeling like you had to suppress your own grief?
• Did you eventually feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with them again?
• If the friendship changed permanently, was that something you eventually felt at peace with?
• And if you did find your way back to some version of normal, what helped?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who had a very close friendship, rather than just a coworker/acquaintance pregnancy announcement. This is like my absolute soul sister, and I'm so heartbroken that now I have to add "fear of losing my best friend" to the list of things that infertility has done to me.

I don't need anyone to tell me that I'm right or wrong for having complicated feelings. I already know that I'm allowed to be happy for her and heartbroken for myself at the same time, and that's what my therapist is for haha. I'm really just trying to understand whether friendships can actually find their footing again after something like this, and what did or didn't help.

Thank you in advance. ❤️

Hi everyone ❤️ Looking for experiences with a low but rising beta after bleeding.

I’ve been TTC for 2.5+ years with unexplained infertility and was actually preparing to start IVF - like, I have the meds in my fridge ready! We did 3 IUIs this year. I have fairly regular cycles and ovulate on my own, just typically later than most (in non-medicated cycles I'm usually around D17) and believe I ovulated around 7/8-7/9 (CD 14/15) based on my BBT.

This month has been different. Even my mom noticed that I was not acting as I usually do when PMS-ing/on day one of my period. I had a positive home pregnancy test (actually 3 total: 2 line tests and 1 digital), nausea, and symptoms that felt unusual for me. I spotted for about 3 days before I took a Clearblue test and saw a faint line, but then started bleeding later that day. My clinic had me take another test that afternoon, and it looked negative, so they advised me to start the birth control on Saturday to prep for IVF. I continued bleeding over the weekend, but felt strange and continued to have high BBT, so I took a digital test on Monday, and it was very positive. I called my clinic, and based on my betas, they told me to stop the birth control and come back today. I think we all assumed that was likely a chemical pregnancy because I don’t usually spot like this at the end of my cycle and the beta was so slow. However, my beta today rose, so they want me to come back for another test. The bleeding has mostly been dark brown and mostly when wiping, not very heavy, and I haven’t had significant cramping. My breasts are still fairly tender.

My betas:

• Monday 7/28 at 11:15 AM: 8.2
• Wednesday 7/30 at 8:15 AM: 15.4

So about 45 hours apart, with roughly an 88% increase.

My clinic told me to “act pregnant until proven otherwise” and wants to continue monitoring. My next beta is Friday morning.

Has anyone had a similar situation — low initial beta, bleeding/spotting, but a rising beta? I’m not looking for medical advice, just hoping to hear others’ experiences while I wait. I'm so confused!! ❤️

Hi everyone, looking for some real-life experiences while I wait for my 48-hour follow-up draw on Wednesday.

My background/timeline:

• TTC: 2.5 years (3 incomplete IUIs, currently gearing up to start IVF... like, have the meds in my fridge haha).
• Thursday: Got my first faint pink line on a home test.
• Over the weekend: Had what felt like a period, but lighter and less crampy than my normal period.
• This Morning (Monday): Took a digital test, which came back Positive.
• Clinic Blood Draw Today: Quantitative hCG came back at 8.2 mIU/mL.

My clinic confirmed 8.2 is technically positive, so we are pausing/holding on starting any new meds or birth control for now. I go back in on Wednesday morning to see if the number increases or decreases.

Has anyone had a similar timeline—faint lines, a few days of lighter bleeding, a low starting beta around 8, and a digital positive? Trying to prepare myself mentally for all outcomes (chemical, ectopic, or a slow/late starter). Would appreciate any honest feedback or experiences. Thanks in advance!