r/InfertilitySucks

I had my first IUI today. I was fine during the procedure but as soon as it was done I had severe cramping. Obviously cramping is normal but how bad was yours and how long did it last? For
Me this was worse than a period, like literally got off the table, fell to me knees, double over and almost vomited. How long does this last? I’m supposed to go back to work post and instead I’m 30 minutes post and curled up in a ball in pain and cold sweats.

TW: positive ovulation tests

If this isn’t allowed feel free to delete. But I just had my first positive ovulation test in over a year and wanted to share the good news with someone. I don’t have many people in my corner besides my husband. Just wanted to bring some positivity to this place. Like I said please delete if not allowed.

Edit: I am not pregnant. I feel like that needs to also be shared. And probably won’t be this month either but it at least feels like a step in the right direction rather than backwards again

Tldr:

My HSG tomorrow was cancelled because my doctor didn't advise us to abstain for this cycle when we asked if we needed to stop ttc and told me I cannot do the HSG because I did not abstain. And I've been so anxious waiting for this appointment, taking leave from work, preparing for work to be handed over.

Full story:

I had a HSG scheduled for tomorrow. I had a consultation with the doctor before scheduling the appointment to find out more and to also know what to do to prepare before hand. The doctor mentioned that we can go ahead with ttc but I'd need to do a pregnanct test on the day of the procedure to confirm I'm not pregnant. He mentioned having to fast as well as I'm supposed to do it under sedation. That's all that he emphasised last month.

So today the nurse calls me to give me more details on what to do. She asks when was my last cycle, did we have intercourse this cycle... I was confused, because we specifically asked the doctor if we should abstain and he said no, we can go ahead with ttc. So when I said yes, the nurse said we have to postpone because the same doctor was very fussy. I got so mad with the doctor because he did not mention abstaining at all. So i had the nurse get the doctor to call me back.

When the doctor called, he had the cheek to say as per his protocol, he always advises his patients to abstain due to the procedure. Perhaps, its due to the many questions, hence I missed out that detail. And he tried to explain why he couldn't go ahead.

I had to cut him off because I wasn't interested in listening to how it was for safety. I'm not going to argue about safety if it's coming from a medical professional. I would trust their judgement on that. I'm upset because I was poorly advised. After waiting so many months, cycle after cycle, and still not pregnant, why would I or anybody for that matter, miss out such an important detail.

I'm just angry that the doctor made no mention about it and tried to cover up by saying he mentioned it. I had my husband with me too and he did not hear the doctor say that either. We both had to take time off work and I work in a job that needs someone to cover for me so I had to spend time preparing for that too. And the doctor refused to take responsibility for his mistake in wasting our time.

Thanks to anyone who read up to this point. Am I valid in being angry?

What's making you say "WTF?!" this week?

I'm embarrassed to admit, I have now reached a new low.

I will instinctively downvote posts where people are flaunting their flawless parenthood.

Being pregnant is part of life for many. I should not mind. I don't want them to *not* be pregnant either really. I guess I just don't want to see it? I don't even know tbh. I'd never tell a pregnant lady to hide her belly so I don't even know. I just don't know.

Someone posted their baby shower outfit with the biggest belly ever and I downvote before I know I'm even doing it. Then I feel small and pathetic and change it to and upvote. This happens with a lot of similar posts. I don't want to be that type of person that wont allow others to be happy. Is this jealousy?

I feel wretched.

My husband and I are both 37. We have been TTC for 8 years now. We’ve done all the tests, all the things, and have found zero (according to doctors) reasons why we haven’t conceived yet.

My question is… at what point did you decide to let go of that “what if” feeling that you hope for every month? Does anyone have advice for knowing when the time is right? I don’t want to give up on having children, but I am feeling so defeated. I don’t want to give up trying, but after 96 months of let-downs, it’s feeling like it’s time.

I feel like this is a taboo subject of some sort. yes we’re fostering but it seems to be like well you can’t foster while dealing with infertility don’t expect these children to heal you. which I never have but has anyone foster while dealing with infertility? I thought I close the chapter on infertility but honestly it still hurts it’s still a lot I love the kids in my care and no I don’t expect them to heal anything in me I’m hoping I could just be a safe loving place for them but it does hurt from time to time. I try not to think of the future too much and try to be ok with todaybut it’s hard I have to admit I try to just look at the positive but it’s some what of a grief as well.

Almost everyone around me has had kids. Now it’s pregnancy 1.0, delivery 2.0, naming ceremony 3.0, first birthday 4.0 and the cycle just keeps going. Every other status is pregnancy, baby, ceremony or milestone, and I’m just sitting here wondering when it’s going to be my turn.

After 3 years of infertility, treatments, medications, procedures, injections, transfers, hopes and disappointments, watching people around me get pregnant so easily is becoming really hard.

And yes, sometimes I compare. I see people with PCOS, thyroid issues, weight issues, husbands who smoke, and they somehow get pregnant in their first try. Meanwhile, my husband and I have tried everything we can, done everything right, and still nothing.

I know life doesn’t work on a who deserves it more basis. I know all of that logically.

But emotionally, it still feels incredibly unfair.

I’m not unhappy for them. I’m just heartbroken for myself.

I don’t want their life or their baby. I just want my turn.

And after three years of this, even hoping is starting to feel exhausting.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere without having to pretend I’m okay. If you’ve been through this, please tell me I’m not the only one who has felt this way, because right now I could really use some understanding.

I’ve been trying to conceive for over a year and would really appreciate advice on what additional testing I should consider, questions I should be asking my doctor, or anything that genuinely helped you get pregnant.

For some background, I’m 30 years old. We had a chemical pregnancy during our first cycle of actually tracking ovulation, but since then I haven’t had a single positive test. I have been tracking ovulation with easy @ home LH test strips and confirming with BBT and this past cycle I also got the inito and tracked a whole cycle with ovulation confirmed on the app. Most of my fertility testing has come back relatively normal, except for a possible indication of adenomyosis on my ultrasound. I am considering getting an endometriosis blood test because I’ve always wondered if I might have endometriosis due to having pretty painful periods.

I’m feeling really overwhelmed by all of the information and conflicting advice online, so I’d especially love to hear from people who have actually been through something similar. What additional testing did you have? What questions did you ask your doctor? Were there any treatments, lifestyle changes, timing strategies, or other things that ended up making a difference for you?

I’d really appreciate any advice, experiences, or tips. ❤️

Below i have listed all my test results.

HSG - both tubes open

Total AFC - 16
- doctor mentioned he noticed thickening of back of uterus, he said this could indicate adenomyosis but did not elaborate or make it seem like it was a big issue at the time

Progesterone on 7 DPO - 9.3

LH - 5.7
FSH - 6.7
Estradiol - 59.5
Total testosterone - 15

AMH
1.98 ng/mL 🟢 Reassuring ovarian reserve

FSH
11.5 mIU/mL 🟡 Upper-normal; interpretation depends on cycle day

Estradiol (E2)
43.2 pg/mL 🟢 Reassuring if early-cycle

TSH
1.55 uIU/mL 🟢 Excellent for TTC

Free T4
1.06 ng/dL 🟢 Normal

Hemoglobin A1c
5.2% 🟢Normal

Vitamin D
48 ng/mL 🟢 Excellent

Measles, mumps, rubella, HIV - all negative

WBC
5.8 ×10³/µL 🟢 Normal

RBC
3.83 ×10⁶/µL 🟡 Slightly low

Hemoglobin
11.6 g/dL 🟡 Borderline low

Hematocrit
37.1% 🟢/🟡 Generally okay

MCV
97 fL 🟢Normal, upper range

MCH
30.3 pg 🟢 Normal

MCHC
31.3 g/dL 🟡 Slightly low

RDW
12.6% 🟢 Normal

Platelets
278 ×10³/µL 🟢 Normal

I hate that I'm actively miscarrying at work. Where I work with young children. With 2 different pregnant people. But the show must go on right? Fuck. Update: I went to the hospital because I was bleeding too heavily. They gave me a d&c and I'm resting now.

I’m desperate maybe even bitter, too. I’ve been TTC for a few years now... By now I simply don’t have the energy to answer all these questions about why I don’t have children yet.

I used to handle it really well in the past, making jokes or setting strict boundaries... but people have stopped respecting them and telling me or behind my back that I am definitely doing something wrong .

That’s why I started avoiding certain people and other social circles. My in-laws for example like to say that I am playing games with them because they are waiting too long for a grandchild.

However there are some upcoming family functions I can’t skip. My sister-in-law will be there and guess what? She’s pregnant and conceived in less than a year of trying (good for my in-laws). Also I am seeing people I haven't seen in ages who of course are pregnant or will be there with their children.

I’m expecting unnecessary comments and questions. I'm also afraid of my feelings.

How do you all handle situations like this?

It’s so exhausting always having to play the strong one. I try to put a positive spin on my childlessness, but that doesn’t always help. You try to not stress yourself but there comes someone who reminds you of your pain. I hate how nobody tries to make it easier for you and gives a shit. It's such a lonely journey or whatever you call this.....

Like "I want my kid to be star sign Libra, so I will try in Jan-Feb and will have it in October".

And it just happens.

I feel like I'm living in different universe sometimes. Just needed to get this off my chest.

Hi all. I just yesterday got formally diagnosed with secondary infertility after a horrifically failing IVF attempt - the clinical maximum dosage, and we didn’t even get to retrieval before they cancelled due to lack of response.

The door slammed shut.

So, here I am.

I spent all day yesterday crying and grieving. The life I had planned, the life I had seen and expected since I was young enough to play with dolls…

Gone in an instant.

My husband sent me out on a self care day, and I remembered that the man I married loved me before any of this. I’ve felt so lost these past few years, entirely evaporating in the efforts and tests, hope and despair, and finally….acceptance.

I’m currently eating sushi and a cocktail by myself (after my lunch of oysters and prosecco), and I found the strength to search for the subreddit that I knew would exist and would be here for me, as horrified as I was to be here.

So I’m guess I’m here to say…hi. What a shitty fucking club to join, but I’m glad there is a club so I’m not alone.

I’ve told about my IVF journey only to my closest family and friends and they took it so well by being my backbone. The support and comfort that came from them means a lot to me. Apart from my closest friends I have friends that are just good friends. There is this one friend of mine who I’ve been with through her delivery. I was her only friend who was with her the whole day during her delivery plus I’ve done everything I can to support her during that time ( for some different reasons non of her close friends showed up). I guess that’s why she keeps on sending me her son’s pictures and videos. I was ok initially but I was going through a lot after my transfer-With the uncertainty of my pregnancy which I eventually lost.

Before I started my IVF, I met her and told her that my husband and I will be away for some time because we are up to something and in time I will let her know about it. But with my uncertainty and her constantly sending me her son’s pictures I had a tough time so I blocked her. I felt so guilty so after some days I unblocked her and told her everything. She seemed to have understood and I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. Soon after she again started with the pictures and videos.
Two of my closest friends also gave birth but they stopped sending pictures and videos of their kids in our group chat. I never asked them to do that but I believe it is their way of being sensible and supporting me.

I am hurt and frustrated. It’s been a week since my D&E and I’m still grieving. I don’t want to be dealing with this. It took a lot of me to be this vulnerable and tell her about my IVF journey but now I feel dismissed and hurt. I don’t know what to do with this friend of mine. What do I do in situations like this?

I feel like finding out the cause of my infertility has become an obsession for me, I often lay awake at night ruminating, I’ve done so much research, gotten multiple opinions.

Quick summary
Stage one endo excuses 2020 then BC/suppression (chromeotubation).

Starters trying to get pregnant 2022, year plus of regular and medicated cycles (Letrozole/clomid).

Lap in 2024 excised stage one again, tubes may have been blocked (delayed emptying on left during chromeotubation).

Tried three transfers for untested embryos, natural modified and two medicated. Two failures then ectopic. Tried Lupron suppression.

Did two retrievals and got 4 euploid embryos on ice.

Got pregnant spontaneously and had a blighted ovum. I’ve tried naturally between all IVF stuff so I’ve wracked up a ton of cycles.

Here is what was tested - all hormone panels were fine, no genetic issues, normal karaotypes, normal SA, no clotting disorders, normal 3d ultrasound, normal saline sono, saline with bubbles and hysteroscopy. No endometritis. Did fertylisis immune testing, no NK cells or anything. Take Metformin for insulin resistance. Levo just in case for thyroid, did all thyroid panels. What am I missing?!

Do I need to just move on. No one seems to know what’s wrong with me. I feel like IVF is this miracle for everyone but me, I don’t even want to use my embryos at this point, the only time I’ve gotten pregnant was on my own and no one can explain why.

My care has been really choppy as my original dr died.

my therapist told me the other day maybe God doesn’t want you to have a baby what do you do then? you have to know yourself before you want a baby I understand you want to be a mom but if the answer is no than it’s no

and I haven’t even tried ivf yet anyone else dealt with a therapist like this

I've always loved babies, even when I was a child myself I always thought babies are the absolute cutest and all of my friends know that about me. I've always wanted to be a mom, but at the same time I recognize that a baby would make my life much more difficult in practice (less money, no sleep, less time with husband, live in a foreign country so I would have no help).

I've been trying with my husband for a year with no positives so far, and medically there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with us (except for my low AMH at 1.06ng/mL at 32 years old, but that shouldn't prevent me from getting pregnant naturally). I've been feeling depressed, which has been compounded by the fact that I had to really lower the dose of my antidepressants to prepare for pregnancy, and I have a job that is very stressful, demanding, monotonous and pointless. I work from my apartment in a city with cloudy weather and similar temperatures year-round, and it really feels like the same day is repeating over and over.

Every time I get my period, or I hear of a friend announcing a pregnancy, I am reminded that there is something wrong with me and I cry. But when I think of trying again the next month, and I imagine seeing a positive test, telling our family, buying all the baby stuff, etc, I feel excitement.

Then I remember that the chances of it happening are low at this point, and I tell myself that maybe the reasons I feel excited by the idea of a baby are wrong. Like I want to get pregnant only because of the excitement or the novelty of it, because it will be something different in my life that will get me out of the monotony, maybe even something that I can use as an excuse to quit my job. But the reality is that a baby would increase my risk of postpartum depression, add more stress because I will probably have to work and parent at the same time, and then what if my baby grows up to have depression and a shitty job too, or if they have another health problem? So I convince myself that I should be ok with my infertility, and I shouldn't even want a baby anyway; that another human being should not be my purpose in life.

What do you think? Do you ever feel like this? Is this my depression talking and me trying to over explain every situation and squash every ray of excitement? Thank you all for making me feel less alone in this ❤️

TC: stillbirth
I’m on my first round of letrozole and I feel horrible. My body hurts so incredibly bad. I already have a chronic pain condition and even my rescue meds aren’t touching the pain. And my mental health is garbage. I normally struggle with some anxiety and depression but this is like high school grippy sock vacation all over again. Is this normal? Did anyone else take letrozole and feel like this? I feel like I’m going crazy. For some context I had a stillborn baby girl 7 years ago yesterday. I wasn’t trying and it was a cryptic pregnancy so I didn’t even know I was pregnant until I started bleeding heavily and went to the hospital. They told me there I was pregnant but there was no heart beat and I had to give birth. Me and my husband are finally in a position to have a baby and I suddenly stopped ovulating for seemingly no reason. I’ve ovulated my whole life before this year. I have endometriosis but have still ovulated. It seems like my body just decided that now that I’m ready it’s not going to cooperate. And my mental health keeps telling me that I don’t deserve to be a mom and that’s why I’m not ovulating. I know that’s not true but just as an example of how bad it’s been. Any advice is appreciated and if this isn’t allowed I’m sorry just delete it.

Infertility sucks and so does Debra in accounting, who just came back from her maternity leave. Who are you mad at IRL this week? Call out anyone who has wronged you and add a nice "fuck you" at the end. Or just type out a whole bunch of swears. We won't tell on you.

BG: I’m 37, hubs is 35, tried for 11 years and gave up. Walked away empty handed. Parents and other family are well aware.

Conversations with my family are a fucking minefield right about now. My niece is pregnant, getting married in a few weeks and due in November. So that’s what 90% of our conversations end up being about these days because that’s all they can find to fucking talk about. The other day I found a picture online of one of the children of a famous relative of ours and sent it to my mom and sister.

Later that day we were all talking and I brought up the picture, saying it was cool to see because I didn’t even know he had kids. Mom pops off with “he’s in his 70s, of course he has kids. Nobody gets that old without a kid.” I went quiet for a minute and then said “not everyone has kids.” She sighed and said “well yeah but most people do. It’s a safe assumption to say that they do.”

Gee, thanks ma. Glad my situation annoys you. It annoys me too.

Then to top it all off, this past weekend I got some bad food and ended up throwing up all day Saturday. I’ve been getting texts ever since from family asking if I’ve taken a test recently, and telling me to go to my gyno. Every women who pukes is not necessarily pregnant ffs. I’ve been bleeding for over a month now, that’s not conducive to pregnancy. I just want to go to bed. I hate it here.