u/New-Eagle-8944

Almost everyone around me has had kids. Now it’s pregnancy 1.0, delivery 2.0, naming ceremony 3.0, first birthday 4.0 and the cycle just keeps going. Every other status is pregnancy, baby, ceremony or milestone, and I’m just sitting here wondering when it’s going to be my turn.

After 3 years of infertility, treatments, medications, procedures, injections, transfers, hopes and disappointments, watching people around me get pregnant so easily is becoming really hard.

And yes, sometimes I compare. I see people with PCOS, thyroid issues, weight issues, husbands who smoke, and they somehow get pregnant in their first try. Meanwhile, my husband and I have tried everything we can, done everything right, and still nothing.

I know life doesn’t work on a who deserves it more basis. I know all of that logically.

But emotionally, it still feels incredibly unfair.

I’m not unhappy for them. I’m just heartbroken for myself.

I don’t want their life or their baby. I just want my turn.

And after three years of this, even hoping is starting to feel exhausting.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere without having to pretend I’m okay. If you’ve been through this, please tell me I’m not the only one who has felt this way, because right now I could really use some understanding.

Almost everyone around me has had kids. Now it’s pregnancy 1.0, delivery 2.0, naming ceremony 3.0, first birthday 4.0 and the cycle just keeps going. Every other status is pregnancy, baby, ceremony or milestone, and I’m just sitting here wondering when it’s going to be my turn.

After 3 years of infertility, treatments, medications, procedures, injections, transfers, hopes and disappointments, watching people around me get pregnant so easily is becoming really hard.

And yes, sometimes I compare. I see people with PCOS, thyroid issues, weight issues, husbands who smoke, and they somehow get pregnant in their first try. Meanwhile, my husband and I have tried everything we can, done everything right, and still nothing.

I know life doesn’t work on a who deserves it more basis. I know all of that logically.

But emotionally, it still feels incredibly unfair.

I’m not unhappy for them. I’m just heartbroken for myself.

I don’t want their life or their baby. I just want my turn.

And after three years of this, even hoping is starting to feel exhausting.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere without having to pretend I’m okay. If you’ve been through this, please tell me I’m not the only one who has felt this way, because right now I could really use some understanding.

I honestly don't know why I'm posting this. I think I just need to hear from people who've been through this.

Today my 11dp3dt beta came back negative, so my first IVF transfer failed.

Our journey has been exhausting. We tried naturally for over 2 years, had multiple failed IUIs, and when I finally got my first positive, it ended up being an ectopic pregnancy. I had emergency surgery and lost my left tube.

We finally moved on to IVF. We transferred two frozen Day 3 Grade A embryos, and I really thought maybe this was finally it.

I did everything I was supposed to. Never missed my medications, took all my progesterone, followed every instruction, and spent the entire two-week wait overthinking every symptom. I had breast tenderness, fatigue, cramps, feeling hot... then everything disappeared. My home test was negative, and today my beta confirmed it.

I feel completely shattered.

I know people say the first transfer is often a learning experience, but does the first transfer really fail that often?

If your first transfer failed, did your second or third work?

I just need to hear some real stories because right now it feels like I'll never get there.

Thanks for reading. ❤️