u/skibidibangbangbang

(English isn’t my first language so i’ve translated something i wrote in my language into english using ChatGPT)

I met a girl not that long ago and we really hit it off. Nothing official or super serious since we hadn’t known each other for very long, but we had a really good connection. We laughed a lot, talked a lot, slept over at each other’s places, held hands etc. She really charmed me in a way that basically never happens for me.

Then completely out of nowhere she was badly injured in an accident involving a fire.

I don’t wanna give too many details because it’s not my story to share and there’s always the small chance someone could recognize it, but I ended up witnessing some of the immediate aftermath and it completely fucked with my head. One moment I was excited to see this girl again and thinking about where this thing between us might go, and shortly afterwards I didn’t even know if she was okay.

Since we’d only recently met, I also wasn’t really part of her “inner circle” yet. I didn’t know her family and barely knew her friends, so for the first few days I basically knew nothing.

Eventually I found out that she had partial thickness burns, including some deeper areas, also on her face and had been treated at the hospital. She’s home now and recovering, but there’s still been some uncertainty about the healing and whether she’ll need more treatment.

We’ve had some contact since then. Early on I asked if I could come see her before we went our separate ways, but she didn’t want me to see her in her current state, which I completely understand. She has said she’d like to see me again once we’re both back in the same city and she’s always been really sweet/positive whenever we’ve texted.

But contact has gotten pretty sparse. Sometimes she takes a couple of days to answer.

I tend to overthink SMS even under completely normal circumstances, so imagine early dating uncertainty combined with this situation and that’s basically where my brain has been.

The thing is that I genuinely want to know how she’s doing, it’s not just about wanting attention from her. I care about her and this whole thing was horrible to see happen to someone I’d started really liking. But I also don’t want my concern to turn into another thing she has to deal with.

I’ve read some posts here from burn survivors saying they were bombarded with messages after their accident and that even though they knew everyone meant well, eventually they just didn’t have the energy to keep answering people or giving updates. That made me wonder if I’m misunderstanding the whole thing by looking at it from my perspective.

It’s been roughly a couple of weeks now, so I mainly wanted to ask people here who have actually been through burns.

1. What were those first few weeks actually like inside your head?
2. How did you feel mentally compared with how you might have seemed to other people? Did you sometimes sound positive/joke around even when you were actually having a really hard time?
3. How did you feel about people checking in on you?
4. Could you genuinely be happy to hear from someone but still not have the energy/desire to answer them? Did questions like “how are you?” and “how’s the healing?” eventually become exhausting?
5. Did you want people asking about the injury, or was it nicer when someone just talked normally, made jokes and distracted you from everything? Did you sometimes just want everyone to leave you alone?
6. What was the progression like during the first few weeks? Did you feel noticeably more normal after 1, 2, 3 weeks etc, or was it very up and down? Did physical healing happen faster than mentally?
7. And finally, what would you have wanted someone in my position to do?

I’ve basically checked in every few days and sometimes made jokes/talked about unrelated things if we had a little conversation. Would you have appreciated an occasional low-pressure message even if you didn’t answer for days, or would you rather that person backed off completely and waited for you to reach out? And would a phone call have been nice, or just another thing you had to find energy for?

I’m not really asking anyone to tell me whether she still likes me or interpret her response times because obviously nobody here can know that. I’m mainly trying to understand what the first few weeks after something like this can actually feel like from the other side.

It also sounds like i made this all about me but ive spent days just crying about her cause i feel so bad. She is so nice and warm and its such a tragedy. Its not fair.

(Sorry for the ChatGPT translation, i know AI slop can be quite awful to read but it got to complicated to write in english for me.)
Thanks

Ive been seeing this girl for about a month here at this seasonal job i’m working at. She is also a seasonal worker and we both live in the same city normally.

We match really well, she’s super cute and warm and we have had some super good moments together. We’ve seen eachother about 3 times per week for the past month.

Last Tuesday i went to her restaurant and we talked a little and said we would do something on Wednesday. Fast forward to Wednesday and someone tells me there’s been an explosion at her restaurant so i go there as fast i can and arrive to a scene of firemen, people crying and the girl i’m seeing being put into a ambulance helicopter.

I called the hospital and made them write a little note from me to her, i’ve been over at her summerhouse and left flowers and a note and i passed by yesterday to try and maybe say hello to her, talk to her parents and i also brought another flower.

Her parents were very nice and talked with me for 20 minutes even though they don’t know me at all. She said she was gonna go get the girl so that i can say hello but she didn’t want to be seen which broke my heart.

We had made plans to maybe travel back home together, which is tomorrow, but obviously she won’t be able to do that anymore and i’m leaving alone.

It’s been a tough few days.

She has mostly superficial 2nd degree burns but also some deeper. The burns are on her face and both her arms and hands. She is currently bandaged on both her arms and can’t use her hands at all.

I’m leaving tomorrow and i really want to see her and say hello and goodbye. I don’t care how she looks.

How can i help her? In the future as well if we start seeing eachother more. Right now she’s with her parents so there’s not much i can do but i’m curious if there’s special things i can think about with a recent burn victim. Things to do or not do.

Thanks

I’m working a seasonal job as a cook in a smaller village. There is about 3 different bars/restaurants here in the village that all the seasonal population/tourists/workers and locals hang out at. It has quite the population boom during summertime so it’s quite fun. I was once out for a beer or two with two of my colleagues at one of the bars and 3 people who one of my colleagues, who had worked there the year before, knew. One of those was a girl i found really cute and we all had a little chat for about an hour before they left.

The day after, one of restaurants hosted a party night, i got quite drunk and i managed to go home to that same cute girl and get lucky. After that we messaged a little bit and we’ve been seeing each other about 2-3 times per week for the past month. We’ve had really beautiful, intimate and passionate moments together.

I tend to be quite an overthinker and sometimes i’ve messaged her and it takes 8 hours for a response and i start thinking she got the ick, but then i meet in the street or by the restaurant where she works at and she’s as sweet and warm as always. It warms me. She’s just not on her phone alot. I tend to often date women who seem to have various issues but her constant warmness and fun little attitude makes me happy.

We met up on saturday at one of the local bars where there was an event and we hung out with her friends and she gave me little hugs etc. We then spent the night together and in the morning we said bye. On Tuesday i passed by her restaurant, where she works as a lunch cook and she asked me if i wanted to hang out on Wednesday which i said yes to. The season is also ending soon so we also talked shortly about if we were gonna travel back home together. She is from my city, but studies a few hours away but she was gonna stay a week in our city before going back to school so i was happy that we could potentially spend some time together. Last thing she said to me was that it was gonna be cozy to meet up tomorrow. (Direct translation from my language, don’t know if it makes much sense)

Fast forward to Wednesday, my restaurant has one of the biggest evenings of the season due to a concert. She finishes work at 16.00 and was gonna come to my restaurant with some friends and hang out until i finished work at around 20.00. At around 15.40, a colleague says there’s been an explosion at her restaurant. I know that she’s the sole cook until 16.00 so i start to stress and i go to another colleague of mine, who i know knows people down at the other restaurant, and i see that he’s texting with someone and i read one of the messages where it says “Something exploded, Z (Girl im seeing) got the explosion in her face. Don’t know if she’s fine or not.” I immediately take a car and drive down there as fast as possible and what i arrived to was not fun. I see firetrucks, people crying everywhere and Z unconscious being put into an ambulance helicopter.

I drop down to my knees and then i see her best friend by the helicopter so i run to her and we give eachother a hug. I returned to work in shock and just completely broke down and the chef said that i could go home since i couldn’t work properly.

I wrote to her best friend, who i’ve hung out with a few times, that this crushed me, if she can give me any updates it would be much appreciated and that i’m thinking and hoping for Z.

She gave me some minor updates about that she changed departments in the hospital etc.
I’m in a strange position though, cause her parents (Z and her parents have a summer house here) don’t know i exist, i’ve barely met her best friend and i’m not a boyfriend or anything. I’m just this little summer fling without any etiquette. The friend herself was completely traumatized because she saw the explosion live.
I want to be respectful and give distance to everyone yet i really want to know how Z is doing. The friend has been super nice though and updated me as much as she can.

Anyways, it’s been two and half days and i have no clue how Z is doing, all i know is that she’s been sent home from the hospital and that she’s not able to use her phone due to having bandages everywhere. I don’t know if it’s first degree burns or third degree. I don’t know if she’s walking around of if she’s completely incapacitated and i have no way of finding out. I randomly met her friend on the street while i was out walking and she didn’t know a lot either.

I called the hospital while Z was there and asked them to write a little a message from me to her, which they were nice enough to do. I also went and picked flowers, bought some snacks and wrote a little note and left it outside her summerhouse door while she was still at the hospital.

Today at work, i just completely broke down. I started crying, walked away somewhere i could be alone, went back, cried again and left again, went back and i managed to work for a few hours until a coworker asked me how i was doing and i just started crying in front of him and had to run away from there to somewhere private.
I’ve barely met this girl a dozen times and i’m crying everyday. I don’t think i’ve cried for 2 years and now i’m crying everyday. It’s crazy. I just feel so horrible for her. I cycle around the village and see the places where me and her had little moments together and i start crying.

Im going back to my city in 2 days and it’s horrible. One day, we are talking about leaving together and the next, she’s at home, probably on heavy painkillers and i have no idea how she’s doing.

Tomorrow i’m thinking of cycling to her house and try talking to her parents and see if she would be up for a visit. If not, just introduce myself to her parents and try to talk a little bit.

I don’t even know what the point of this text is but i am just broken right now. I really hope she’s doing okay and won’t be scarred for life. Poor Z.

I work a seasonal job in a smaller town in Scandinavia. I met this one girl once when i was out with a few colleagues at one of the local bars for a few minutes. The weekend after, there was a party and we hit it off and went back to her place. Same thing happened the next time i went out and this time, we chatted and talked much more and i really started to like her personality.
Since then, we’ve went on a little date but mostly just met up whenever there’s a party, except for one time when she came with her friends to my workplace and we all had a beer or two and we then went back to where i live and had probably the most passionate and amazing sex i’ve ever had. It felt like couple sex. Orgasm at the same time, cuddling as if two puzzle pieces for 45 minutes afterwards etc. This weekend there was a little rave on a beach which i went to with some colleagues and she came as well with some of her friends. We all hung out all night and danced and then when the party finished and people went home by 03.30, me and her stayed until 05.00 and had sex on the beach.

This is the problem though. I have tendencies to really overthink stuff