If anyone wants to pay as much for a penthouse downtown for an old house 20-30 minutes from downtown I found the place for you. The rent is set by AI to fuck you with every single inch available to fuck you.
Of all the Republicans in this state, how were the three it came down to for governor: a historically HATED senator who will probably start sending our tax money to Israel, a pedophile, and a guy who wants to ban birth control and religions he doesn't like? Could we not find one mother fucker who was at least normal? Was there not a mayor, state senator, or hell even just a guy who owns an HVAC company?
If ever there was a race for a democrat to flip it was this one. You had a historically HATED mayor going up against a moderate Democrat who wanted to actually help regular people. And the message that won was "fuck you. Fuck your clean water. Fuck your parks. Fuck your schools. Fuck your transit. You want rent to be low enough that you can pay it working at unum? Go fuck yourself. We're building data centers and no more housing."
Marsha Blackburn had her famous fortune cookie ad like being governor of Tennessee has foreign policy implications, and she'll be playing geopolitical chess with Xi Jingping. Shut the goddamn fuck up about China and tell me when you're going to repave I-40 dumb bitch.
John Rose is a pedophile who groomed his wife from the time she was 17.
Monty Fritts wants to ban any religion except Christianity and Judaism, gay marriage, plan b, and probably pulling out too.
Is there anyone normal running?
Since all these Republicans were talking to Mitch McConnell, I didn't want them to be the only ones, so I picked up a ouija board and decided to see what he had to say. This is what he had to say.
1 Andy Ogles is a bitch. He can't believe our great state elected such a fucking stupid idiot, and he believes the fact he's an elected official is reason to require an IQ test to run for office. He's also living proof that just because someone has a college degree doesn't mean they're not low IQ.
2 Marsha Blackburn is full of bullshit. She says "we're talking to tennesseans every day" no the fuck she's not. Unless you're writing her a check with a comma, she doesn't give a damn what you wanna ask her.
3 Bill Lee stands for nothing. Mother fucker positioned himself in 2018 as the non maga principled Republican option, and then immediately pivoted to bending over and spreading his cheeks for Trump.
4 Morgan Wallen sucks.
5 Jason Aldean sucks.
6 Landlords should not be trying to rent out a 1 bedroom on Dickerson Rd for $2000 a month.
I moved in with a guy who likes weaterns, and I started to wonder why they're not really a thing anymore, and one idea I have is people got sick of so many movies being westerns, kind of like how people today are sick of superhero movies.
Was that a thing, did people back in the 70s say "every damn movie now is a western. Give me something about space or turning a car into a time machine or something."
If a fair that I didn't even know about until the day of did this well, this city needs more of them.
Seriously I didn't see any fliers. I didn't hear anyone talking about it. I didn't see any posts promoting it on social media. I just check my phone today and "wait. There's a Renaissance fair, and no one told me?"
I've had some whiskey, and I'll be 30 so fuck it. This is what I, a random uber driver who probably took your ass to a preds game before, would do if I was a senator.
1 I will call Andy Ogles a bitch ass to his face.
2 I will write a law that will require AI data centers to use their own energy. And they can only use nuclear or renewables.
3 Speaking of nuclear I'll write a law that would fund the largest expansion of nuclear in our country's history.
4 I will write a law that will require every vehicle to have a human behind the wheel who is qualified and sober.
5 I will make aipac register under FARA.
6 I will write a law to make the minimum wage $20 an hour.
7 I will write a law to make all income below $70,000 tax free.
8 I will include funding in some bill that has literally more pages than the entire works of Dostoevsky for a train from Nashville to Atlanta.
9 I will write a law making Dolly Parton's birthday a national holiday.
10 I will write a law that would require education funding to go to public schools. No more vouchers for rich kids to go to the private school their lawyer dad was already paying for.
11 I will write a law to invest billions into infrastructure. Roads, railways, power lines.
12 I will write a law to ban single ply toilet paper.
13 I will write a law that will require a car battery be either right the fuck under the hood or in the trunk. There's no reason you shouldn't be able to replace that bitch in 5 minutes at AutoZone.
14 I will bring a constitutional amendment that would require a referendum to attack another country. Even if they attacked us first.
15 I will also bring one to require politicians to retire at 65.
16 I will also bring one that will prevent people who forced their mistress to get an abortion to cover up their affair then pulling a gun on their wife when she confronts him on his infidelity from ever running for any office.
17 I will write a law requiring the FAA to double their headcount of air traffic controllers.
18 I will write a law requiring any job that is safety critical or compliance critical to be performed entirely by human beings. Lawyers, accountants, pilots, engineers, computer programmers. Their work is too important to be performed by clankers.
19 I will require you to be able to talk to a member of your own species when you call a number and ask for a person.
20 I will call Andy Ogles a bitch ass to his face again.
1 Blue devils medal, and their show will be a fan favorite.
2 Carolina crown figures out show design.
3 The winner of the brass, guard, and percussion captions will all be different.
4 Santa Clara vanguard wins on finals.
5 We see less massive props that require their own truck.
6 The top three spots will be highly competitive.