Fuck it. Here's my 2028 senate platform.
I've had some whiskey, and I'll be 30 so fuck it. This is what I, a random uber driver who probably took your ass to a preds game before, would do if I was a senator.
1 I will call Andy Ogles a bitch ass to his face.
2 I will write a law that will require AI data centers to use their own energy. And they can only use nuclear or renewables.
3 Speaking of nuclear I'll write a law that would fund the largest expansion of nuclear in our country's history.
4 I will write a law that will require every vehicle to have a human behind the wheel who is qualified and sober.
5 I will make aipac register under FARA.
6 I will write a law to make the minimum wage $20 an hour.
7 I will write a law to make all income below $70,000 tax free.
8 I will include funding in some bill that has literally more pages than the entire works of Dostoevsky for a train from Nashville to Atlanta.
9 I will write a law making Dolly Parton's birthday a national holiday.
10 I will write a law that would require education funding to go to public schools. No more vouchers for rich kids to go to the private school their lawyer dad was already paying for.
11 I will write a law to invest billions into infrastructure. Roads, railways, power lines.
12 I will write a law to ban single ply toilet paper.
13 I will write a law that will require a car battery be either right the fuck under the hood or in the trunk. There's no reason you shouldn't be able to replace that bitch in 5 minutes at AutoZone.
14 I will bring a constitutional amendment that would require a referendum to attack another country. Even if they attacked us first.
15 I will also bring one to require politicians to retire at 65.
16 I will also bring one that will prevent people who forced their mistress to get an abortion to cover up their affair then pulling a gun on their wife when she confronts him on his infidelity from ever running for any office.
17 I will write a law requiring the FAA to double their headcount of air traffic controllers.
18 I will write a law requiring any job that is safety critical or compliance critical to be performed entirely by human beings. Lawyers, accountants, pilots, engineers, computer programmers. Their work is too important to be performed by clankers.
19 I will require you to be able to talk to a member of your own species when you call a number and ask for a person.
20 I will call Andy Ogles a bitch ass to his face again.