What do you think would have been beneficial for you the first year (or beyond)? If you feel comfortable, share what country you came from. Did you feel supported?
(I would love to do a follow up post than discusses actionable items to improving these things in countries that are lacking.)
Since having a kid, I dread work. I am not excited about it much anymore. I find the day slow and long. I just want to be at home. It is just a means of providing money. It is probably the most time off/best hours I can get at this salary too.
(Working is a must. I am a single parent so please no quit your job advice 😅)
This is my official vote to change it from good/bad sleepers to low/high needs sleepers. Normal infant sleep is not bad or good, it just is what it is. Some kids just need vastly more sleep support needs.
I started to gradually build my retin-a or arazlo usage from every 3 or so days to every other to every day to help my persistent acne. I have no dryness or redness. BUT my acne is 10x worse, my self esteem is terrible and I am waking up with swollen eyelids. No new products. No retinol product is going on or near my eyes.
I haven’t had clear skin since my pregnancy. I am so upset. What can I do? Worth continuing the retinol? Why are my eyes (or, I should say around my eyes) swollen every morning? Will I ever stop purging?
From @babiesandbrains AKA Michelle MAS-IFP
I will always shout that blanket “just sleep train” “you need to sleep train” advice can be dangerous for both mom and baby. It is lazy and irresponsible parenting advice. We all deserve better. Maternal mental health needs to be treated with better care and concern.
Posted out of order intentionally.
Creator: @raisedgood
I may be the odd one out, but my toddler never asks to eat and most times when I offer she says no. She is not picky, she will actually eat pretty much anything I give her.
Is this her personality? Will it change?
Wonderful post by RN, pediatric sleep specialist, CLC and neurodivergency advocate @earlyneuroco (Lauren Sloan).
Tonight we spent our wind down time upstairs. There is lots of daylight at bedtime still. Normally, we are downstairs where little daylight seeps in. Boy does it make a huge difference. Even 30 minutes helps but 60 minutes in low light is ideal. It takes 75% less time to calm and fall asleep when she has had a low light environment before bed. It is hard for her to relax and calm down, like she is starting the process from scratch when in brightness before bed.
(Low light, not total darkness 😅)
Something worth trying!
“In her study, Rosier argues that night waking is normal, and she said many adults expect infants to sleep soundly just like adults, which is not fair to expect.
“We don’t expect infants to behave like adults in any other way except sleeping, and the reason for that is because it’s convenient to us,” Rosier said. “If they can sleep like adults sleep, then it becomes quite convenient to us, so we can get some sleep. But it is biologically normal for them to wake in the night, and sleep is not something that you have to train your children to do. All humans learn to sleep for long periods of time.”
She said one of the best ways parents can help their child sleep is by being present while they’re falling asleep, and that “self-soothing” is a myth. If parents understand that, she said, it can change how they approach sleep and parenting during the early years.
“Some parents will argue, ‘Well, my child puts himself to sleep,’ and ‘my baby wakes up in the middle of the night and settles himself, so he’s self-soothing.’ They’re actually self-silencing; they’re not self-soothing because they are not capable of learning to self-soothe,” Rosier explained. “The only way that any human can actually learn to self-soothe is through thousands of repeated experiences of co-regulation with a safe enough adult, and so co-regulation has to come first.”
She said the cry-it-out method is the opposite of co-regulation, and if parents leave their child to soothe themselves with their own emotions, it can have the opposite effect on what is biologically needed for babies to eventually learn full self-soothing skills.
“Interestingly, we don’t actually learn full self-soothing skills until our mid-20s. And so, give yourself a break when your 2-year-old, 5-year-old or 10-year-old is still not able to soothe themselves,” Rosier said. “Many grown adults cannot do it.”
I saw this part from a larger post from (@saltairmama) and it got me thinking: we are fighting biology and our babies are paying the price. Babies are now expected not to wake often, to be quiet at night, convenient and independent. That is seen as normal when it is the opposite of normal when forced upon them.
How have you leaned into your baby’s biological needs and how has that benefited you/baby?
Cosleeping was huge for me. Our wakes instantly went from 20-30 minutes to 5 minutes. I gained so much more sleep. I fought so hard to do things “right”, and didn’t see the baby in front of me with her own needs. Letting go of that and listening to my instincts was revolutionary.
By the creator: nurturted.mom.nurtured.baby
The comments, a lot from therapists/psychologists/counselors are really good as well.
I have already read:
- The Nurture Revolution
- How Babies Sleep
- Hold Onto Your Kids
- Safe Infant Sleep
- Tiny Humans, Big Emotions
- The Whole Brain Child
What would you recommend next? I have some interest in Montessori practice, there is a lot of overlap with high nurture parenting. Also, wanting to do potty learning soon but hesitant on books on that as I am unsure of kind/gentle methods.
I teach 2nd grade in a mainstream school. How can I include Montessori principles?
My 2 year old is in the habit of waking at 5:15- 5:45 am. This is unusual for her. Even a later bedtime (9:15 pm for example) still results in this wake time. She is napping 2 hours a day roughly which might be the “problem” but it was such a sudden change.
She is very active during the day and has lots of outdoor time. I do have blackout blinds so I don’t think it is the sun although a tiny bit leaks through.
Should we ride it out? Any solidarity? Gradually reduce naps (scary)?
We have quickly grown to 11 thousand wonderful members in only a year. We have over 17 thousand unique visitors a week. With steady growth comes new challenges and the need for more moderation.
If you have an interest in moderating and biologically normal responsive infant/toddler sleep, please reach out. I would love to talk.
My mod team is an amazing close knit group that works well together, I am looking for another person to add to that.
Well, she almost always naps on her own, but I help her to sleep, usually by nursing or laying with her. Today, at almost 2 year old, she told me to go and fell asleep on her own. It felt strange, but I am so proud of her for asking space when she needed and it felt right for her.
This is really a neutral experience for me. Not a win. Not necessarily as loss. Just part of the nonlinear sleep journey.
(Context: she sleeps in a big girl bed now, and has never slept a crib. We exclusively cosleep at night.)
We often talk about the challenges (valid), but what win did you have this week.
I'll start, my girl only woke once two nights in a row and that was lovely. She has also been super affectionate and cuddly. Right before bed has been such a nice time to connect instead of stressing about it is taking XYZ minutes to fall asleep.