r/highnurtureparenting

My 13 month old is going through another bout of teething. She had 2 come in around 6 months, 6 more between 8 and 9 months, and now at least 4 more coming in. She's handled them fairly well so far, still sleeping good (very grateful for that). I just feel so much sympathy for her right now, and I'd like to do what I can to help ease the pain.

She doesn't like me trying to massage her gums, and only wants herself to brush her teeth too. With teething toys and cold cloths she will be interested for maybe a minute before throwing it away, I think cause it's painful. The only thing reliable is nursing, but I can't do that all the time for her. She spends so much time grumpy and rubbing her hands on her head, even with ibuprofen and acetaminophen (which is also something she is reluctant to take).

I'm considering warm cloths or massaging her neck/jaw area while she's napping or sleeping since she doesn't want anything while awake. I'd also like to hear what kinds of things may have helped for anyone.

I’m really struggling because I have never felt the need to address anyone’s parenting before and it feels like such an overstep but I’m worried about my own child’s mental health and their child’s mental health.

My daughter is 16mo, her daughter is 14-15mo, and this mom is ALWAYS comparing them. My daughter is an advanced talker and her daughter is a late talker but every time my kid says something the mom will make silly comments like “we get it you’re smart” or “such a show off,” again, I do not think she means this to harm but it’s very off putting. Worse than that, she says mean things to her kid and it makes me SO sad. She’s basically always “joking” but I don’t find it funny. Today her kid was scribbling on paper and she said “you’re not very talented” and started laughing. I was so shocked I didn’t even know what to say at the moment. Later they were dressing up as princesses and she said “look at us princesses, we’re cuter than you” to MY daughter and then promptly caught herself and said “I’m just kidding, you’re beautiful.”

I’m very much in the camp of your voice is your child’s inner voice and I feel sick when she compares them, makes “jokes,” or any focus on how they look. Children shouldn’t be burdened by these things.

So today I said “we don’t compare each other and other girls aren’t our competition” and she of course agreed but I have this nagging pit in my stomach about it all. I feel like I’ve dropped hints before when she tells her daughter she’s the prettiest girl in the world (around my daughter) by saying “and you’re smart, and kind, and a good friend” and then telling my daughter the same.

Unfortunately it doesn’t seem that she’s picked up on this and I’m feeling the need to address it directly. I understand she may choose not to hang out with us anymore and I’m prepared for that possibility but I can’t in good conscience not address something that affects my child, or another child for that matter.

I’m really stuck on what to do and I need advice. I’ve let it go on long enough.

We are about to be parents and are panicking how organized, responsible we would have to be. My partner and I can be carefree at times and just roll with whatever life throws on us and not fuss about schedules, nitpicking behaviors but we were just talking that it all might have to change soon. What changes you all made that made you better parents or rather responsible parents imparting all those good behaviors to your kids ?