r/highnurtureparenting

Hey everyone…im making this post to see if anybody else is going through this or knows how to guide me…im 24 and had my first baby last January…she is currently 18 months old…so basically since she was 2-3 months old she’s always had long random bouts of screaming… despite being fed, changed, entertained etc…when all needs are met its still not enough…I thought for awhile it was me and being postpartum and just going through it until I took the initiative to get on medication to help better stable me for these tantrums… but it still hasn’t stopped after all this time. She doesn’t seem to be in obvious distress or pain. I’ve also noticed things like she won’t play by herself or entertain herself…she gets upset very easily… and she’s constantly watching me…she’s never happy. If I don’t give her every second of attention then she’s just screaming. Yes she’s went through teething and I think she currently is again… but I feel this isn’t normal… it seems to me everybody else’s kids around her age are genuinely happy and chill babies…and she’s never been like that. She doesn’t like comfort or even take it…she doesn’t listen to me speak when she’s upset…she just screams and screams…and it’s sitting on me so heavy cause still just feels hard still when I would think it should even the slightest bit easier now…she’ll even wake through the night screaming and crying and it’s so hard to comfort her…I’ve tried all I know I’ve tried thinking all I know and im at a loss…is it something i did wrong? Do I give in too much to the behavior?? All everybody can say is she’s spoiled but idk I feel like this is deeper…and I need advice!!! Anything helps !

I recently read a post where someone asked what parenting style their parents had used, and he described how his friends would often ask what his parents had planned for them, and how he was often bored. That made me realize that when people talk about parents “entertaining” their children, they might literally mean entertaining them, rather than just planning occasional outings and activities for them. Which would explain why I’ve read so many posts where people are asking how to entertain their infants.

So what I’m wondering is: do parents in the US and perhaps other countries literally entertain their children? I don’t really feel like I “entertain” my daughter at all. She has toys in every room, and when I’m not carrying her, she plays and explores on her own. When we play together, I join her in her play rather than planning activities for her. This is also what I understand to be the norm in Sweden. Some parents probably engage with their children more than others, but I’ve never heard of it being to the extent that children ask what their parents have planned for them when they’re visiting someone. Have I misunderstood what they meant, or is this actually a thing in the US and perhaps other countries too?

P.S. I used AI to help translate this since English isn’t my first language, and I don’t want to accidentally come across as disrespectful toward other cultures. I hope that doesn’t count as AI-generated content and therefore violate the rules.

For context - my 8 month old exclusively contact naps & co-sleeps. I am a SAHM, so I am with him 24/7 in every sense. My husband works long hours, often gone 11 hours a day.

We made the decision to join a gym with childcare to give me a “break” and allow me to workout. I taught fitness before having him, so it’s a huge passion of mine. He had his first day in their childcare today and lasted 50 minutes without crying (which is huge!!!). But I was just devastated at how sad and scared he looked when I picked him up. They called me to say he was upset for about 10 minutes and he was very upset when I got there still.

I immediately sat on a bench with him and just snuggled and hummed a song since it was a long walk to the car. When we made it to the car, I allowed him to nurse & snuggled with him for another probably 15 minutes before heading home. 15 minute drive, fell asleep immediately.

All this to say - I am having SO much guilt about dropping him at childcare & I’m worried about his long term nervous system health. I’m going to request they call me after 3 minutes of crying instead of 10.

Please help me here!!! Am I screwing him up? Is there anything else I can do to help his nervous system recover after pickup (if he’s upset)? Should I just tough it out and wait until he’s older for childcare? I really, really need the mental break.

I was out with some family today and was told a few things that apparently I’m doing wrong with my baby, and it honestly left me questioning myself a bit. I feed him on cue and often feed him to sleep, and I was told that I’m spoiling him and making him too dependent on me.

I’ve tried a soother, and he liked it for a little while but doesn’t really tolerate it anymore. Sometimes he only feeds for a few minutes and gets distracted, so I was told that he’s probably not actually hungry and that I should stick to a 3–4 hour feeding schedule. I’ve been trying to time his feeds and create more of a fixed schedule, but it’s difficult because he’s not a big napper, and nursing is also an easy way to settle him when he’s fussy.

He also sometimes really struggles with the car, especially on longer drives. There have been a couple of times when he’s cried so hard that he gets sweaty and seems almost out of breath, which makes me really anxious, especially when I’m alone with him or we’re on the highway. So I try to keep car rides shorter when it’s just me and him. I was told that I need to be stricter and let him cry it out, but I find that really difficult when he’s that upset.

I genuinely thought we were doing okay, but after today I’m not too sure. I didn’t think I was coddling or spoiling him. It’s hard to watch him cry so much but I recognize I need to be more disciplined.

Update: It’s hard being a FTM, and I don’t think people realize how much their negative comments can affect someone. Thank you so much to everyone for your supportive and kind comments. Your words made me feel so much more confident.

It’s been amazing watching him almost hands-and-knees crawling and getting himself into sitting, and loving the meals I make for him, and finding ways to play with objects, and watching him discover the world.

And also…he just turned 7 months and is suddenly screaming in the car seat again, haaaating diaper changes for the first time, is sometimes not taking long enough naps and waking up super cranky, and keeping us up in the night when he used to just dream feed (breastsleep).

I’m a sahm and don’t have much community nearby during the day. I know this would all be easier to deal with if I wasn’t so alone in it. I lost it in the car earlier today when he started screaming/crying again after I’d already pulled over once to nurse and coregulate and get him re-settled. I reeaally feel like my challenge in parenting is being ok with my child expressing uncomfortable feelings and some days I worry I just don’t have what it takes.

Writing it out, I know these are phases and that there are solutions that help. Don’t drive too close to when he needs a nap. Keep working on floor diaper changes and keeping him engaged in the process. Wear him in the carrier to let him sleep more. Troubleshoot the nighttime waking. This will all change.

But is 7 months/these milestones just a difficult age for anyone else?

I’m a new parent and I feel like I keep googling what developmentally friendly activities to do with my LO, but I still feel like I have no clue what I’m doing! My son is turning 9 weeks tomorrow and so far I just do tummy time with him and say really exaggerated vowel sounds to try to get him to mimic me (he really likes the “O” sound haha) during his wake hours. I just want to know what other parents are doing or have done each month to try to train for milestones?

I constantly see on this app moms (and dads) feeling like they’re doing something wrong because they’re extended breastfeeding, feeding to sleep, cosleeping, insert some other high nurture parenting thing. And then tons of posts arguing about what spaces kids should or should not be allowed in (often literally public spaces that should be accessible for ALL like airplanes, restaurants, etc). Posts bitching about parents of literal infants not wanting to attend a destination wedding without their child, the list goes on and on. And then in real life there’s constantly running into places, restaurants etc that clearly aren’t interested in accommodating children (like no changing table
In a restroom at a casual restaurant lol my husband literally had to change my infant son on his lap tonight).

Anywayyy, I know I’m preaching to the choir. Just feeling sad for our emotionally stunted world tonight. I hope some day we will value all humans regardless of their age, size, and ability to contribute to society. It’s interesting to me that many of the things people say about children, they would NEVER say about elderly people or people with special needs. Why can’t children be treated with the same acceptance and respect?