I feel hopeless and it’s making me suicidal
Hi, everyone,
Just wanted to vent about my situation because at this point this all I hav writhed now.
I (35F) have been with (36M) for 16 years now. For so long I just wanted things to get better and work through them. But just line every toxic relationship I’ve had with family and friends, this one too it’s always me doing all the work when I’m not the one causing harm. The only harm I can think of and one that I know is huge is staying. I stayed for some long and about a yeah in I just feel nothing I don’t want to work through anything l. I don’t want to be with him and I don’t ever want to get married or be in relationship, I just want to be free. But we have children and I have been a SAHM for the whole relationship. I am completely dependent on him. I just can’t justify unrooting our kids, was is a woman with no income no job and who doesn’t even drive gonna do? How am I going to take care of them financially and with everything else?
Some times I think he can have full custody, he’s just as much responsible for them as I am. I will always try my best to be there for them and be involved but I chicken out. I don’t want to leave them.
I am feeling suicidal all over again. It use to be like this years ago and it came and went but now it’s unbearable and I failed our kids.
There are no shelters here, this town is very small and underfunded. I have zero money, can’t take the bus can’t leave the kids, can’t work.
Idk, I think I’m loosing my mind.