u/snstrsht

I am currently reviewing for boards, 2nd take ko na. if my first attempt was bad, now it's worse.

last time, I was actually somehow super positive, motivated, and put in work (medyo lamang yung tulog tsaka other distractions but still)

now, I really can't. it took me months to finish a 4-hour lecture. best I've done is a week. I'm trying. I swear. executive disfunction is killing me. Eliminating distractions doesn't work as I can go hours on end with just my mind racing and telling me to do stuff... but I really can't. I don't know why.

common denominator between the two tho: I can't "do it sad, do it scared, do it anyway" because I did it once. I tried. and when I looked back on my notes, I can't even remember that I've already "studied" that part.

I honestly gave up trying a month ago for the review part. I told myself I'll catch up in the refresher part since my usual motivation is present already (time pressure. less than 2 months na lang, boards na). but halfway through the first week of the refresher, hindi talaga nagwwork.

please help me. I know I can clutch it this time IF I actually studied even this refresher. my scores on the first attempt shocked me because I swear my efforts were not that much but 2/3 subjects were actually high, inalay ko pa yung isang subject diyan from start to finish. stock knowledge from hs pa 'yan. nahatak lang talaga nung isa pang subject kasi it's really hard and I decided to focus on the subject that I can.

I've only been diagnosed with MDD and Anxiety nung pandemic pa. but upon researching, realizing stuff from childhood to recent experiences, and taking tests online (I know probably not that valid), it's most possibly ADHD. I can't get diagnosed YET (I badly want to for the meds) but so far, I can't because of budget concerns. so I'll take any advice you give. I swear I badly need to get out of this funk.

thank you in advance and stay safe, you guys!

A little bored, a little lonely. So here I am looking for someone who can actually hold a conversation.

​

Preferably someone who can keep a convo going. Kahit anong topic! random thoughts, life stories, or late-night ideas. Chill lang, no judgment, no pressure. Just good, easy conversation.

​

I’m a good listener, I'm easy to talk to, and can keep up, so if you’re up and feel like chatting, message me 🙂

i still talk to guys every now and then. And to be fair, they like talking to me rin daw. I’m interesting, I’m funny, I carry conversations well, A+ personality, if I may say so myself. (And them. They said that talaga. Even my friends). Sabi nga nila, “sa ugali babawi”. And I took that seriously.

Pero I don’t actually want to meet them. I always say upfront na I just want to talk.

Except… a few months ago, naisipan kong i-risk. I went on a date. And you know what? It went well. As in, akala ko “ah okay, may pag-asa pa.” Tapos after a week?? Wala. ghosted.

Since then, parang na-confirm lang lahat ng suspicions ko. Kasi let’s be real, I feel like looks lang talaga ‘yung issue. They like me… until they see me. May mga hindi nang-ghost, sure. Pero bat biglang “tropa vibes” na lang. Parang, okay… so funny ako but not dateable? Pero ayaw lang akong mawala sa buhay nila pero hindi talaga kayang jowain? Gets.

For context, I grew up fat. As in, my whole life. Hindi naman ako pangit. I’ve heard “maganda ka pag pumayat ka” more times than I can count. Pero ayun, I never learned how to dress up or do makeup properly. Let alone skin care? 😅 Nahihirapan akong i-incorporate siya sa buhay ko kasi i feel like this isn't me? But I still try, nonetheless. I'm working on myself rn. Trust. Hehe

Hindi naman ako NBSB, but I haven’t had a romantic relationship for almost two years now. So yeah, I know what I bring to the table. I just also know how people tend to see me. At this point, I just miss dating. Like legit dates. ‘Yung lalabas, kakain, kikiligin ng konti. The jowa can come later when I feel like I’ve fixed my life. Not closing my doors tho, just that I know na malabo pa given how I look right now. Haha