u/soapypancake

I can’t stop thinking about how inhumane and bizarre it is that this is allowed. It doesn’t matter that the content is insanely harmful, it doesn’t matter that the app is filled with young teens, it doesn’t matter that the impact/normalization of horrible thought patterns and unhealthy bodies is brutal when it’s video after video after video (especially considering that the isolating nature of an ED creates the perfect conditions for social media addiction.) All that matters is that whatever they show you captures your attention, and they will use all of your vulnerabilities to get there. You can scroll yourself into a really dark place once Instagram catches onto your ED.

I’m sorry that this post is very doom and gloom. I understand this medication works wonders for several people and that’s amazing. I just need to know if this is the case for anyone else or if I’m doing something wildly wrong.

1. You start taking vyvanse again after a break. It feels great, works as intended, side effects are minimal.

2. After taking it for an extended period of time it becomes terrible. You’re constantly tired. You wake up unable to do anything. You NEED to take the medication. It doesn’t even necessarily have positive effects, it just brings the awful feeling down by about 30%.

3. You become a complete zombie. You feel this constant lethargic heavy feeling in your mind and body. Your processing speed is concerning. You’re sad and irritable. You have a hard time keeping your eyes open throughout the day. You realize its doing nothing for so you take a break. Quitting begins a deep, exhausting, hellish, possibly permanently scarring depression where you are practically unable to do anything but try to keep yourself alive for weeks and weeks.

4. You are eventually able to reach some level of normalcy and it’s a massive relief. You have your usual adhd symptoms but it’s nothing compared to what you have just been through when on and coming off of vyvanse.

5. You miss the positive effects that come with the first couple of weeks of taking vyvanse so you start taking it again. Cycle repeats.

I was already really triggered cleaning up in the kitchen and then I dropped the sink drain while trying to tap it out and all the wet food scraps splattered onto the floor. I started running back, aggressively tugging at my clothes, crying and gagging a bit.

My dad said “oh my God you can’t just pick it up? How are you supposed to get a job if you can’t just pick it up?”

The heat at the moment and months of holding my tongue at invalidating comments made me feel unable to contain myself and I said “you should go to hell. You should go to hell for saying that” and he looked so hurt.

I started melting down and apologized profusely and explained “I just wish you would be more empathic in how you address these moments” and he said “well an employer wouldn’t” and I said “well I expect more understanding from my family than I would my employer.”

He’s an otherwise supportive father who means well and just wants the best for me but he will never understand my illness. He thinks tough love will make me more functional.

Freaking out helped nothing. I now not only feel invalidated and stupid but horrible for being mean. Do you guys have moments like this?

hello, i’m feeling sad and if anyone would be open to a vc i could really use someone kind to talk to tonight.