u/softiceice

Til jer der er chefer, hvordan kan I fornemme om jeres medarbejder fedter for jer eller at I bare har en god relation?

Long post incoming!

I (F28) am getting married to my long-term boyfriend of eight years in just a month. He is everything I have ever dreamed of and the biggest green flag imaginable.

Because I grew up with emotionally unavailable parents (a narcissistic father and an enabling mother) I never experienced healthy love until I met my boyfriend. For many years, I was very much a daddy's girl and was probably the golden child. I was basically an extension of him.

When I started dating my boyfriend, having an emotionally available partner felt completely foreign to me. As a result, I developed severe relationship anxiety (ROCD) that lasted for about three years. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I constantly had intrusive thoughts such as: "Is he attractive enough?" "Is he the one for me?" "Am I settling?" and so on.

It nearly destroyed my relationship. At one point, after our first year together, I even tried to break up with him. However, he never gave up on me, and he still hasn't. We continued the relationship, but I was consumed by anxiety. I could barely function or live a normal life. I cried myself to sleep almost every night and lost a significant amount of weight.

I started seeing psychologists and went through several before finally finding a good fit. Eventually, I was prescribed antidepressants and medication for anxiety. It helped a lot with the intrusive thoughts, and slowly I started feeling like myself again.

As time went on, I began digging deeper into the root of my anxiety, and I discovered that my father is a narcissist. It felt like taking the red pill—suddenly everything made sense. I realized that I had inherited many unhealthy patterns from him, including some ways I treated my boyfriend.

Over the last four years, I have worked hard to heal. I have cried more than I ever thought possible and have tried to become a better partner for my fiancé. I have also worked to heal intergenerational trauma and break the cycle so that our future children won't inherit these patterns and wounds.

To heal, I had to emotionally detach from my parents and figure out who I really am—not an extension of my father. I have never felt as lonely as I did during that period.

Over the past year, I have realized that the love and support I need can be found elsewhere: in my fiancé, his family, our friends, and my closest girlfriends. They are my chosen family. They have shown up for me in ways my parents never could. I am incredibly lucky to be surrounded by such healthy, loving, and wonderful people.

Now that I am getting married, I don't feel the need to have my father walk me down the aisle.

First, I have come to understand how much emotional abuse and psychological harm I experienced growing up.

Second, I don't want to be "given away." It is important to me that this marriage feels like my own choice—one made by me as an individual, not by anxiety, fear, or old family dynamics. I owe that to both my fiancé and myself.

Third, choosing for myself feels empowering. It is another step toward becoming my own person and strengthening my individuality.

Because of this, I have decided that my closest girlfriends will walk me down the aisle instead. They are my chosen family.

The problem is that I don't know how to tell my father. He fully expects to walk me down the aisle, and my mother is already trying to guilt me into allowing it because "it would mean so much to him."

I am afraid of his reaction. I'm afraid he'll become angry. I'm afraid he'll try to get back at me by saying or doing something hurtful at the wedding. Most of all, I'm afraid I'll spend my entire wedding day worrying about him instead of enjoying it.

So, Reddit, do you have any advice on how I should tell him?

Som titlen lyder, kender I nogle virksomheder der omfavner neurodivergens og har den rette viden der skal til for at deres neurodivergente medarbejdere trives?

Den røde dobbeltdækker bus kører rundt i byen, har der altid været det eller hvorfor er det kommet til byen?