u/sogsmcgee

Hi, all. I have had two previous early MMCs and no LCs. Yesterday we went in for the first ultrasound at 6+6 by my LMP. As soon as my OB inserted the wand she immediately said "Congratulations!" She said the gestational sac was nice and big, the yolk sac and fetal pole were clearly visible, and she was able to see the heartbeat immediately. I measured 7+1 by CRL, which she said she expected based on my shorter cycle length.

The first FHR reading was 105 bpm. I asked if that was slow and she said, "Online you'll see it should be 120+, but at this stage this is very normal. You have to keep in mind that the heart has only been beating for a couple days." She took another measurement a minute later and got 117 bpm, which seemed to make her happy. She said there was "absolutely nothing concerning" to her about the ultrasound and she "feels really good about this". She was very reassuring, but of course I was asked to come back in a week.

I don't understand why she was so optimistic. My husband, of course, just took her word for it and also seems blindly optimistic to me. This level of optimistism seems to really conflict with the statistics to me and, honestly, it makes me angry. I feel like everyone is trying to keep my spirits up, but I know it would be so much worse if I went in unprepared assuming everything will be OK and was blindsided. It makes me feel so alone and disconnected that no one seems willing to sit with me in the fear and uncertainty.

I know no one can tell me what's going to happen. I just wanted to say this somewhere where people might understand. It's going to be a very difficult week and I just wish things were different.

Kids are just small people,
They're not less than human beings.
They're not learning to be people,
Personhood don't come with age.
I know it's hard to remember,
'Cuz our brains change as we grow,
But your kid is a real person,
You really ought to know.

No, it's not manipulation,
It's just how a child learns.
Children can't be evil,
That's just common sense, I fear.
They're still good when they are difficult.
Wanting things ain't a sin.
It's a normal phase that passes,
Not because they're a bad kid.

Kids have thoughts and feelings,
They're not robots or machines.
They have their own desires,
It's not their job to live your dreams.
Choose to love the kid you have,
They're good enough as is.
We have inherent worth from birth,
It's not a right of passage.

All of us, including children,
Deserve to have respect.
If you don't speak to adults that way,
Why do that to your kid?
If you say you love your children,
More than words can say,
Then those words should reflect that,
You can't have it both ways.

Your child cannot save you,
They are just a little kid.
They don't understand your problems,
They can't help you with your shit.
No, your kid is not an old soul,
They just have PTSD.
Stop unloading on your child,
Go to fucking therapy.

Hitting people is a crime,
No matter who they are.
How could you look at a child,
And wish them any harm?
It doesn't teach them anything,
Except that you aren't safe.
If your children do not trust you,
You're the only one to blame.

How we treat the least among us,
Is the measure of the great.
And patience is a virtue,
Or at least that's what they say.
If you expect that of your children,
Well, then what is your excuse?
We both know you're not listening,
What even is the use?