u/sonovak

Hi I’m a they/he gay here. I know I’m at least gay.. like when I see guys i know I am attracted to them sexually. But like I’ve had crushes on women growing up bc I thought they were pretty but idk if it was actually a sexual attraction or just my brain tricking me into thinking I like women to cope with being gay.

Now I’ve had times where I got close with a female friend to the point where we connect a lot and I start thinking what if we were together like that kinda stuff.. and it makes me question because I’m not really attracted to women’s bodies lol but def 100% sure for men. But those thought of sexuality questioning come in when I have that emotional connection with women and I really hate it kind because it feels like unwanted feelings kinda the same way I had unwanted gay feelings growing up xD and like

I don’t wanna come out again, I’m not out to everyone about being gay, but I also feel bad if I came out as bi to my friends that know I’m gay bc idk I just feel like scared they would judge me differently… maybe if I try to experiment I feel like maybe I would know for sure lol.
I just kinda don’t know

Do any of you write or create art/ music as a means to understand your role in Christ and God’s creation ? I feel like there is a lot of repression, as a cross to bear, I feel there is beauty in suffering to honor god.

I have drifted from God quite a lot over these past 10 years as the sin I’ve allowed myself to be in has taken my confidence to go to Jesus and stay honoring him.

I’ve always created art since I was young, though I felt like there was no place in it for honoring god.

But I think maybe there is a chance I can draw closer to god and be inspired by the bible again. I used to sing with my ukulele and just have talks with god as I sang and it felt like it lifted my spirit truly. Something really cathartic to just know Jesus is listening as I pour out my heart and struggles. Since I also draw and I feel like maybe it could be a good idea to create drawings or paintings to honor god and the beauty of his creation.

And to use subjects or stories of struggles and hope to connect and draw near to god as I can possible use it to connect to others and connect them to seeing the beauty of a relationship with God. And his compassion/ love/ forgiveness.

Do any of you have stories of doing something creative that really drew you closer and experienced meaningful changes in your relationship with Jesus?