u/speedyejectorairtime

How do you all try to find things to be proud of/praise if you have one of those teens that seems to not care about anything?

I have a 17-year-old that makes be disappointed/frustrated more than anything these days. He is not a bad kid. But he basically does nothing stellar ever either. He's a C average student. He is in the stage where he ignores us and his younger siblings and so he's never doing anything nice for them or us that we would praise. He breaks stupid silly rules like no food/drinks in his room because he never brings the trash or dishes out (we had no choice but now he just sneaks things in there because how the hell do you even give a consequence for something he's doing when we're not even home and hides it unless we search?). He avoids every chore until we get mad/nag him. He only comes to talk to me when he wants something and when I try to talk otherwise, I get short responses. He worked a part time job in the winter last year and then quit to play a sport and never got another. Now we're more than a month into summer and he does nothing all day. It's almost 3 pm and my 12 year old told me he's only been out of his room to get food and he hasn't seen him otherwise. My 12 year old basically picked up his slack and did a bunch of chores. Now I'm supposed to go home and have another talk with him and try to get him to care that he is the most unhelpful person in our household and to want to contribute meaningfully and not just lay around all day? Seriously, we were gone all day last weekend while he slept in and didn't want to come to visit my sister's house, we came home and he hadn't even fed our dogs and it was 2 hours past their normal feeding time. How do you all do it without losing your minds!? He knows what he is supposed to do but he doesn't care, because he hates it and has the attitude like it's not "actually his job". If I call him and tell him to go do XYZ he will, but not unless I nag at him about it.

This child last week had the nerve to ask me if I was going to pay him to drive his brother to a summer sports camp. 10 minutes down the road, in the car we paid for and own, with insurance we pay for, with gas we fill.

I know this is par for the course with teens, and I know I need to find positive things to say to him and not always have all our interactions be negative, but what do I do when I cannot find something to say? Tell me he'll break out of this? Because my husband and I remember going through a phase where we thought our parents were stupid for wanting me to do things and extremely selfish and self-centered, but we were like 13/14. Not a few months from adulthood.

We're on our last kiddo going through child-care as a dual working parent household. We stopped using aftercare when my husband used to be remote for my middle kid when he was 8 and even though my husband hasn't been remote for a year, middle son is now turning 12 and hasn't needed it all year, nor will he again. So for the first time in a while I've had to register my youngest who is 4 and transitioning to full day pre-k at our local public school for a reasonable fee next year. But the cost of aftercare shocked me. I know it's more expensive elsewhere, but most schools have a basic program ran by the school itself around here, which our school has every year until now.

This year, our district decided it was worth it to them to just pass on the staffing responsibility to the local YMCA instead of running it themselves. There is 0 difference in what is actually provided. It's still located at the school, and the ratio is still like 1 staff member for 20 elementary aged (4 year pre-k through 5th grade) kids or whatever. There are 0 overhead costs for this. It's held at the school, in their existing gym/playground/cafeteria, the only thing the Y is providing is the few staff members needed and the computer system to register. The price is double what it was last year due to the Y's pricing! Out of curiosity, I went to see what the difference is between the other districts in our city/county that still run their own programs and their pricing is still half the cost as well. I also figured I'd run the numbers for changing my husband's gym membership to a Y membership instead to get a discount on the monthly cost and the savings were $3/month and he loses a ton of amazing things him gym offers so not worth it at all.

Has the YMCA always been this expensive? It doesn't seem worth the cost. I wish the school had polled parents first before handing over this aftercare program. The cost of the pre-k program itself is only 30% more than the aftercare. And Pre-k is from 7:45 to 3pm. Aftercare (no before care included-that's even more!) runs from 3-6.

Also, for entertainment's sake (or to cry about it together), the total cost for us next year is only marginally cheaper than full fay daycare because of this aftercare hike. And this total cost is actually 35% more than we paid for full time 6am-6pm infant care for my current almost 12 year old when he was a baby. And his aftercare costs when we did need them never exceeded $150/month (I'm probably overestimating that even).

Also, I'm just venting/sharing the woes. We can afford and will pay. Just thought I'd commiserate with some of y'all lol.