Navigating conversation about attraction with new allosexual partner.
I have been out of the dating scene for several years, but am dipping my toe back in. I'm a 42 yr old cis woman, and I've started seeing a 40 yr old cis man who I like a lot, which is mostly great!
Here's the thing: he is conventionally attractive and enjoys working out. I love that for him, but it does not excite me in the way he seems to think it would. He sends me muscly selfies, and I cheer him on because, good for him and his hobby, but I know he expects that I am attracted by them. He recently said (in a text) that he wanted to send me a nsfw selfie, and I said no thanks.
I do enjoy being physically affectionate with him, but it's the visual attraction that I'm pretty neutral about. We met on a dating app, and I did say on my profile that I was graysexual, and he asked me about that a little on our first date. There will definitely need to be more communication about what that means to me exactly, but it was at least acknowledged early on.
How do I tactfully clarify that I'll probably never want sexual selfies, and that even shirtless selfies aren't necessarily doing what he probably thinks they are for me? We have only been on a handful of dates, and my guess is he took my "no thanks" to mean I wasn't ready for that "yet." If it brings him joy to pick up something heavy and send me a picture of that, I'm happy for that to happen, but that picture will be for him, not for me.