u/sporeification

I'm having the hardest time trusting my therapist. We've been working together for 2+ years and I still find myself sometimes feeling like he's manipulating me and like he likes watching me suffer. That's been an off and on issue over the past few years but it's been especially intense recently. I'm getting triggered by his behavior left and right and can't stop thinking about him in between sessions, trying to figure out how he "really feels" or what his facial expressions mean (I can't read faces easily). The thing is his triggering behavior is mostly just him being nice to me or treating me with respect in a way I didn't expect. Sometimes it's because he acts in a way that feels a little too close to us being friends but I will tell him that it makes me uncomfortable and he'll apologize for it.

Therapy in general is also just kind of triggering. Transference feels like torture. I can't trust it. It feels humiliating to experience. I don't like the inherent power imbalance between therapist and client. I don't like that there's this person who I've told everything--my deepest and most embarrassing traumas, and I know next to nothing about them and I just have to trust that they're not going to fuck me over. I had a big meltdown in session a while back after I realized that there were parts of me (1+ year into sessions lol) that did trust him. I freaked out because trust makes you vulnerable.

I want to stress that he's been a very good therapist overall and I've made significant progress with him. But these trust issues keep coming up and it's been so intense lately that I've been wondering if we just aren't a good match anymore. He has a very personal, friendly style that I find triggering. I know being triggered on its own isn't a bad thing and can be good to work through, but lately this feels excessive and more intense than what's actually helpful. I've expressed discomfort with how familiar he is multiple times in the past and it keeps coming up again. Recently he overshared in a decidedly inappropriate way. It was an accident and he apologized for it, and we've talked about it a few times since then. But I'm recognizing a pattern and am, quite honestly, feeling so exhausted and tied up in my head over it that I kind of want to just be done with therapy for a while.

Advice/perspectives are welcome.

I'd like to start off by saying that I am not car savvy, I'm just poor and would like to avoid spending $$$ on repairs if I can.

My 2012 Kia Soul failed state inspection because the front side marker light isn't illuminating at all. I thought this would probably be an easy DIY fix, just replace the bulb, but it's looking like that won't be the case.

I've replaced the bulb--nothing. The other side marker light works so I swapped the sockets to see if I could just replace one of them and it's still not working. Does this mean it's an electrical issue? Is there anything else I can do to narrow down what the problem is? I'm really hoping this is something I can fix myself or with the help of a friend, because I don't have big repair money. Any advice is appreciated.