u/squirrelzone8564

My dad is in his early 60s and has been married to my mom for over 30 years. He believes this is what American women want to see in movies, what they've always wanted to see, what is usually shown in romance novels: the male lead is strong, wants what the female lead wants, and helps her get it. If a movie doesn't feature this, he thinks most of the female moviegoers won't go see it.

I'm a woman and I don't care if a movie has this format or not. However, I'm also young, just one woman, and haven't met a whole lot of different women to judge whether this is accurate or not.

What do y'all think about this?

TL;DR: AITAH for telling my friend to uphold her commitments when she has a history of not upholding them?

Before I get into the actual incident, there's some background I need to discuss.

I (20s, F) have a friend Gina (20s, F). We live in the same city, and she and I often get together to do things. I genuinely enjoy her company and talking to her. But she has trouble upholding commitments and being on time. There have been multiple times in the past she's canceled on me last minute. Some of those times were for legitimate reasons like she got sick. But many other times were for reasons that didn't seem reasonable, like she forgot to put it on her calendar or just wasn't feeling like doing something that day. And oftentimes when she doesn't cancel, she's usually late, sometimes by more than 10 minutes. I have mentioned this problem before. She also has problems committing to other things, like changing the kind of restaurant we go to at the last minute, and going from degree program to degree program.

Late last year, she quit the undergrad physics program she'd been in for three years at her university's online school, spent a few months working, then started going to a local community college a few months ago. This probably greatly hurt her self-esteem and she feels like she's been set back. Meanwhile, during the five years we've known each other, she's seen me get through my engineering program despite major setbacks I've had. That's probably affected her self-esteem to some extent even more. She also has Wednesdays and Thursdays off from work. Because work and school is so stressful for her, she reserves Wednesdays for herself and Thursdays for getting together with people. Thus, we usually hang out on Thursdays.

Now for what happened recently.

In early April, we made plans to see two plays at local theaters in the last week of May, one on a Thursday. I bought tickets for both of us. A week later, she and I made plans to watch Anastasia (one of her favorite movies) at her house on April 30, another Thursday. However, the afternoon before, she texted me saying, "Hey (Squirrelzone8564), I'm so sorry but I need to cancel movie night tomorrow. I'm honestly just really exhausted from life right now and need to rest/recharge. I still want to hang out soon though. can we reschedule for another day?"

I had just gotten out of a presentation with my school team that had gone badly and I was really upset. To suddenly see this text right after was like rubbing salt on a fresh wound. I felt that if I texted her right then, I might say something I'd end up regretting, so I waited. A few hours later, I replied, "I understand you need to cancel and hope you can recharge. But we've been planning on watching Anastasia for weeks, and I'm really disappointed we can't get together tomorrow. Let me check my schedule and see if there's an alternate day.

"Also there are several plays coming up that we are planning to see. For all of them the tickets are non-refundable, so we will need to go the night they're scheduled or our money will have gone to waste. I also would like you to think about this weekend whether you really want to go to anything goes on May 28 at (a local high school). We have not bought tickets for it yet, but once we do, they are non-refundable, and we will need to completely commit to going except for an emergency. Please tell me by Sunday at 10 pm whether you want to go or not. If you haven't by then, I will assume you don't want to."

Since then, I've heard nothing from her. On May 2, I felt my earlier texts were too harsh and apologized for them, saying I understood that we each process stress differently and gave dates I could reschedule to. I also mentioned my team's presentation which had affected what I said to her. On May 6, I apologized again, feeling my texts were passive-aggressive and that I hadn't considered her need for rest time. I then decided to let a few weeks go by. On May 20, I texted that I hoped she was doing well and I was there if she needed to talk. I said the same on June 4.

This is not the first time Gina has gone a long time without contacting me. There were two times a few years ago she was having some bad depression due to personal issues and didn't contact me for months. I've had the same problem twice before I went on anti-depressants. I'm thinking her current silence may be one of those times. But the fact that it started the same day I chastised her for canceling last minute makes me think it has something to do with that.

She still hadn't contacted me the week we were scheduled to attend our plays, so I took other friends to those plays.

AITAH for chastising her for canceling last minute, and for taking other people to those plays after she didn't respond? Also, what can I do to get Gina to contact me?

I'm graduating in a few months, and this is the time of year where my class and I are supposed to order our graduation regalia. My university is partnered with Jostens, a big box company. They sell a complete set including a cap, gown, tassel, and school logo pin, or the pieces individually. However, the whole set is $118, not including sales tax, which is about 10% in my area. Plus, the regalia would take 5 weeks to get to be delivered to my home.

Granted, graduation is one of the most important days of my life and a big milestone. But I don't see the point of spending $130 on an outfit I'll only wear once, for a few hours out of my life. Besides, the regalia my college uses is typical grad attire - a black bachelor's cap and gown - that looks exactly the same as what other schools use. So I went on eBay and found a reputable seller selling a cap and gown set for $24.99, and a tassel of the required color for $6.95. Including tax, that was only about $32. Plus, the packages were delivered to my place in less than a week. They didn't come with a pin of my school's logo, but I think I can figure something else out for that (e.g. crocs pin). I doubt anyone will notice the pin anyway.

Fortunately, I don't have to register my regalia with my school; I just have to show on the day of with the required attire. I'm assuming that some schools do require this and won't let the students buy graduation regalia from any vendor other than the one the school has partnered with. Some schools may also use colors other than black (although colors besides black are also available on eBay). But if your school doesn't do this, don't feel the need to overspend on an outfit you'll wear once or twice in your life.

Edit: I do have the option of borrowing grad regalia from my school's collection for free. But this is intended for low-income students who can't afford to spend much on regalia. There's several thousand students at my school, so I want to leave these for them.