u/stemgurli

For context my now ex boyfriend and I started dating when I (female) was 16 1/2 and he had just turned 18.

There was more than a handful of things that occurred in the 8 years that we were dating but here are just a few so that you can get a picture of what our relationship looked like. Don’t get me wrong we had amazing moments but at some point the bad moments started happening way more often than the good ones.

4 months into our relationship I was getting ready to take my SAT. The night before he had let me know him and his roommates were going to have a movie night with another group of roommates around the corner (the other group of roommates was all girls). He still proceeded to promise he would call me before my test to wish me good luck and help me calm my nerves. The next morning comes and I don’t receive any messages or calls. I begin to get concerned so I call and still no response. For your SAT you have to give them your phone so you have no access to it all day. Once i got my phone back I proceeded to see a message that he lost his phone in the covers and didn’t see it until later in the day. I got disappointed but somehow I found out he had shared the twin dorm bed with one of the girl roommates. I was so upset because I knew he would never be okay with me doing the same thing. Nor did I think that it was okay.
Yes, this should have been my first red flag but i was 17 and stupid…
I let him know after that that i did not feel comfortable with him talking to that roommate friend because I thought that there was a chance they actually did something. He did not care…

About a year after that he moved to a different apartment on campus with different roommates. On this specific day we were watching a show on his phone and eating breakfast on his bed. He went to the bathroom and before he came back I saw a notification on his phone from a girl who was basically his ex saying she was excited for them to meet up. That notification was the first time i had ever heard of that happening. He got extremely defensive and started saying he needed closure. Meanwhile we had been dating for a year and a half already. He then blamed me for not being able to go and said that I got jealous.

3 years after we started dating his family invited me to go to mexico with them for the first time. They had a party. At the party i sat with his immediate family. About an hour into the party everybody ended up leaving the table but me. I was just sitting there on my phone because the only people i knew were my ex and his immediate family. My ex was outside with his cousins drinking and smoking. I was bored so i went outside to see what he was up to and he proceeded to tell me to go back inside. I didn’t want to leave a bad impression so i went back inside and just sat at a random chair by myself. After the party was over we ended up getting into an argument because he left me alone for the entire party. He tells me I should have been hanging out with his girl cousins which he never cared to introduce me to. When i told him that he got upset and put his hand on my back and started pushing me so hard i was walking on my tippy toes for about a block. His entire extended family saw and began asking his mom if everything was okay. She then cornered me and told me that they weren’t used to having to introduce anyone into the family. I went to my room that i was sharing with his grandmother and upstairs his cousins and uncle were all talking shit about me.

There is also a story about how he made a huge scene at a concert last year and embarrassed me in-front of everyone.. if anyone even sees this and wants to hear it let me know lol.

Now getting to the context of the title. This year my brother got married. We had one of my favorite cousins who i barely get to see come from out of town. I wanted to make one of her wishes come true and take her whale watching. I asked him if he could please not black out nor drink too too much because we were going to be on a boat the next day and i didn’t want to be worried about him throwing up. I also wanted him to not waste over a hundred dollars because he was hung over. He proceeded to tell me everything was gonna be fine and he was going to stay up until 4am with my other cousin drinking…. He didnt care for my feelings.

Fast forward to the day after the wedding. We go whale watching. Nobody eats because we do not want to throw up. We all had a blast and got amazing videos and pictures. After whale watching we went to a restaurant to go get food. My parents got nachos for us all to share and told him to come get some and he completely ignored them. He did not say thank you nor acknowledge them at all. Then we proceeded to go to the beach. When we arrived at the beach (where the rest of my immediate family was) my guy cousin started making a big deal that I did not tell him we were going to the beach. He said he would have brought other shoes if he would have known. For whatever reason my ex started defending him and arguing in-front of everybody that i never told them. I have text messages sent to my ex where i told him we were going to the beach. I just ignored them after a while and they went and sat on the sidewalk while the rest of my family was sitting at the beach. My girl cousin turns and looks at me and apologizes and tells me she is glad i didnt let him ruin my day. I told her this was normal for me. He has ruined so many things for me before and embarrassed me infront of family, friends, and strangers.

The following Monday when I was going to work I realized this was not a relationship I wanted to be in anymore. I was not happy. I was feeling miserable. I broke up with him on Wednesday and apparently it came out of left field.

He told me that we were supposed to work through things together and that we were together for so long but I was feeling miserable. So am i the asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend of 8 years?

I will say I have a lot more stories. Like him
Pushing me on my birthday trip that I paid for, his mom talking bad about me to others, his mom getting upset over me being sick, his mom getting upset at my brothers wedding over the bouquet toss, my ex almost peeing on my bed, my ex peeing on my closet, my ex flipping off a girl at a friends party to her face, my ex trying to propose after breaking up and many more….

Also sorry for any grammatical errors :( English isn’t my first language.

For context my now ex boyfriend and I started dating when I (female) was 16 1/2 and he had just turned 18.

There was more than a handful of things that occurred in the 8 years that we were dating but here are just a few so that you can get a picture of what our relationship looked like. Don’t get me wrong we had amazing moments but at some point the bad moments started happening way more often than the good ones.

4 months into our relationship I was getting ready to take my SAT. The night before he had let me know him and his roommates were going to have a movie night with another group of roommates around the corner (the other group of roommates was all girls). He still proceeded to promise he would call me before my test to wish me good luck and help me calm my nerves. The next morning comes and I don’t receive any messages or calls. I begin to get concerned so I call and still no response. For your SAT you have to give them your phone so you have no access to it all day. Once i got my phone back I proceeded to see a message that he lost his phone in the covers and didn’t see it until later in the day. I got disappointed but somehow I found out he had shared the twin dorm bed with one of the girl roommates. I was so upset because I knew he would never be okay with me doing the same thing. Nor did I think that it was okay.
Yes, this should have been my first red flag but i was 17 and stupid…
I let him know after that that i did not feel comfortable with him talking to that roommate friend because I thought that there was a chance they actually did something. He did not care…

About a year after that he moved to a different apartment on campus with different roommates. On this specific day we were watching a show on his phone and eating breakfast on his bed. He went to the bathroom and before he came back I saw a notification on his phone from a girl who was basically his ex saying she was excited for them to meet up. That notification was the first time i had ever heard of that happening. He got extremely defensive and started saying he needed closure. Meanwhile we had been dating for a year and a half already. He then blamed me for not being able to go and said that I got jealous.

3 years after we started dating his family invited me to go to mexico with them for the first time. They had a party. At the party i sat with his immediate family. About an hour into the party everybody ended up leaving the table but me. I was just sitting there on my phone because the only people i knew were my ex and his immediate family. My ex was outside with his cousins drinking and smoking. I was bored so i went outside to see what he was up to and he proceeded to tell me to go back inside. I didn’t want to leave a bad impression so i went back inside and just sat at a random chair by myself. After the party was over we ended up getting into an argument because he left me alone for the entire party. He tells me I should have been hanging out with his girl cousins which he never cared to introduce me to. When i told him that he got upset and put his hand on my back and started pushing me so hard i was walking on my tippy toes for about a block. His entire extended family saw and began asking his mom if everything was okay. She then cornered me and told me that they weren’t used to having to introduce anyone into the family. I went to my room that i was sharing with his grandmother and upstairs his cousins and uncle were all talking shit about me.

There is also a story about how he made a huge scene at a concert last year and embarrassed me in-front of everyone.. if anyone even sees this and wants to hear it let me know lol.

Now getting to the context of the title. This year my brother got married. We had one of my favorite cousins who i barely get to see come from out of town. I wanted to make one of her wishes come true and take her whale watching. I asked him if he could please not black out nor drink too too much because we were going to be on a boat the next day and i didn’t want to be worried about him throwing up. I also wanted him to not waste over a hundred dollars because he was hung over. He proceeded to tell me everything was gonna be fine and he was going to stay up until 4am with my other cousin drinking…. He didnt care for my feelings.

Fast forward to the day after the wedding. We go whale watching. Nobody eats because we do not want to throw up. We all had a blast and got amazing videos and pictures. After whale watching we went to a restaurant to go get food. My parents got nachos for us all to share and told him to come get some and he completely ignored them. He did not say thank you nor acknowledge them at all. Then we proceeded to go to the beach. When we arrived at the beach (where the rest of my immediate family was) my guy cousin started making a big deal that I did not tell him we were going to the beach. He said he would have brought other shoes if he would have known. For whatever reason my ex started defending him and arguing in-front of everybody that i never told them. I have text messages sent to my ex where i told him we were going to the beach. I just ignored them after a while and they went and sat on the sidewalk while the rest of my family was sitting at the beach. My girl cousin turns and looks at me and apologizes and tells me she is glad i didnt let him ruin my day. I told her this was normal for me. He has ruined so many things for me before and embarrassed me infront of family, friends, and strangers.

The following Monday when I was going to work I realized this was not a relationship I wanted to be in anymore. I was not happy. I was feeling miserable. I broke up with him on Wednesday and apparently it came out of left field.

He told me that we were supposed to work through things together and that we were together for so long but I was feeling miserable. So am i the asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend of 8 years?

I will say I have a lot more stories. Like him
Pushing me on my birthday trip that I paid for, his mom talking bad about me to others, his mom getting upset over me being sick, his mom getting upset at my brothers wedding over the bouquet toss, my ex almost peeing on my bed, my ex peeing on my closet, my ex flipping off a girl at a friends party to her face, my ex trying to propose after breaking up and many more….

Also sorry for any grammatical errors :( English isn’t my first language.