I wanted to share my experience as a warning, especially for guys who are curious about “mild” PEDs, SARMs, TRT+, Anavar, etc.

This started as what I thought would be a small, controlled experiment.

I had lifted naturally for around 12 years and I already had a decent physique I was proud of, but had been slacking for a few months, I was single, a bit depressed about some life circumstances, and wanted a small cutting boost before summer. I thought improving my body might make me feel better, help me date more, and give me momentum.

Before starting, I got bloodwork done. My natural testosterone was high: 870 ng/dL, but SHGB was 60 nmol/l so free test was around mid+ on the reference range. This was exactly 3 years ago.

I had done a lot of research and thought I was being cautious.

How it started

I first tried Ostarine, which is often described online as a mild SARM. I ran it for about 6 weeks. I felt suppressed and shitty, and honestly I didn’t feel like it did much.

Instead of taking that as a sign to stop, I thought: “Okay, if I’m going to mess with my hormones anyway, I might as well do it properly.”

So I decided to run what I considered a “mild” testosterone cycle, kickstarted with Anavar, which I had also read was one of the “mildest” oral steroids.

I started at around 350 mg testosterone per week for about a month, then lowered it to 300 mg because I got side effects like higher blood pressure and acne.

I stayed on for around 3–4 months at first.

The crazy part is: I barely looked different. I was eating around maintenance or cutting, training basically the same as before, mostly full-body 3x per week, and I did not really “take advantage” of the cycle. I got some increased vascularity/fullness, maybe slightly leaner, but nothing dramatic.

Then sunk-cost fallacy kicked in hard.

I thought:

“I can’t let this cycle be a waste. I’ve spent so much time researching, taken risks, gotten side effects, acne, bloated face, slight hair loss… and for almost no visible progress? I can’t quit now.”

So instead of stopping, I lowered to what I thought was a “TRT+” dose, around 200–250 mg per week, and continued.

Acne, Accutane, and delaying quitting

I developed some acne and started reading a lot on r/steroids and similar forums about people using low-dose Accutane alongside cycles or TRT. People made it sound like a miracle cure.

So I started taking 10–20 mg Accutane daily while still on testosterone.

My acne got much worse for months. I got a lot of cystic acne on my arms, legs, thighs, etc.

This made me delay quitting even more, because now quitting felt like an even bigger “waste.” I was thinking:

“So I’m going to come off, lose most of the small gains, have worse acne than before, possible hair loss, and next summer is coming?”

So I stayed on low dose accutane for one year and stopped it 1 month before finishing PCT. It never helped my acne, but the "purge" got better after 6 months on it. It had no permanent positive effect and I still get acne, about as much as I did pre-cycle. It also probably hurt my gains, gave me joint pain and my knee was fucked for months + got chronic lower back pain 9 months in, which I still struggle with today 2 years later.

Before next summer + big event was coming up. I increased the testosterone again to around 300 mg for a couple of months before/during summer, and used 10–20 mg Anavar again.

Things started getting worse

Around 9 months into being on, my libido and erections started getting worse.

I also got a knee injury, then a back injury that I still struggle with. My joints felt dry, weak, and cranky, even while lifting weights similar to what I lifted naturally.

Looking back, this may have been a combination of testosterone, Accutane, possible low estrogen, AI use, training stress, and poor overall management.

I didn’t do proper on-cycle bloodwork. Partly because of time/money, and partly because I told myself levels would change week to week/month to month anyway, that it was expensive, had to take time off from work etc. So I was basically guessing with estrogen.

I used Arimidex or Aromasin based on "how i felt" and comparing to research of how other people felt or looked on high/low e2, which in hindsight was stupid.

I also impulsively bought Masteron and Primobolan because I read they could help control estrogen and improve libido. I used them for around 2 weeks, but stopped because I was scared of more hair loss and they didn’t magically fix anything.

The psychological side was worse than I expected

What people don’t talk about enough is how much mental bandwidth this stuff can consume.

I was constantly worrying about:

• estrogen levels
• acne
• blood pressure
• hair loss
• fertility
• sperm count
• prostate health
• heart health
• hematocrit/RBC
• whether I had damaged myself permanently
• whether people/colleagues/family or friends could tell I was using
• hiding needles and vials in my apartment
• shame/guilt
• whether I looked older
• whether my face looked bloated/red
• whether my skin was getting worse
• whether I should change compounds/doses
• whether I should PCT or cruise
• whether I had ruined my natural hormones

I had always had some “natty pride,” and ironically I wasn’t even that bigger than before. I was mostly the same weight, maybe 5-7% leaner, with a more fat/bloated/red face, worse skin, acne, and more anxiety.

I started isolating more. I lost contact with old friends. I performed worse at work because I was stressed and distracted. I spent so much of time researching side effects, compounds, blood markers, hair loss, acne, PCT, libido, etc.

Online, I kept reading that testosterone makes people feel amazing, that “test is king,” that TRT makes you feel like a god, etc.

That was not my experience.

Maybe my mood was slightly better + had slightly higher libido in the beginning, but after Accutane/acne/stress kicked in, my libido and overall mood got worse. There were some good days, but overall my life was worse than before I started.

And all of this started with: “I’ll just do one short cycle of the mildest SARM for a little boost before summer.”

Where I am now

Now, around 1.5 years later, I am sitting at basically the same body weight as before all this. Maybe I am 1–2% lower body fat, which means maybe 1–2 kg more muscle, but training is not as motivating as before, can't do heavy deadlifts/squats due to chronic lower back pain. My other lifts are about the same as they were 3 years ago pre cycle. I would probably have had more gains in muscle and strength by now had I stayed natty.

My recent bloodwork (1,5 years post last PCT dose):

• Pre-cycle testosterone: 870 ng/dL
• Current testosterone around 450 ng/dL
• SHBG: 52
• Free testosterone: at the lowest end of the reference range
• Estradiol: around 0.17 nmol/L, which is confusing because it is slightly higher than my baseline when my testosterone was almost double pre-cycle and my body fat was higher than now.

PCT and why I thought I would recover

One reason I felt somewhat reassured during all of this was that I used HCG during the whole time on cycle because I thought keeping testicular function active would make recovery much easier. I also heard and read stories about people being on much higher doses for years and much longer than me who came back to normal test levels. I also felt like I basically just did TRT+ for 1 year, not huge steroid doses or more HPTA- risky compounds like tren, nandrolone etc.

When I eventually came off, I also did a fairly long PCT of around 10 weeks, using a combination of tamoxifen, enclomiphene, and clomid.

Post-PCT, I actually felt mostly okay for a while. I had periods where libido and erections were lower, but nothing that felt extreme at the time. That made me think I had probably recovered enough and that any remaining issues would gradually normalize.

But over time, it became clear that I was not back to my previous baseline. My testosterone, free testosterone, libido, erection quality, hair, skin, mood, and overall confidence were all worse than before I started. So even though I “did everything right” according to what I had read online; HCG on cycle, long PCT, SERMs, bloodwork. I still didn’t return to where I was naturally.

That is part of why I’m writing this. I think a lot of people assume that if they use HCG and run a proper PCT, they’re basically protected. Maybe that works for some people, but it clearly doesn’t guarantee you’ll return to your old baseline.

What PEDs and all this effort has left me with:

1. My testosterone is about half of what it was naturally.
2. I had a perfect hairline and super thick hair before. My hairline had not changed through my 20s, and my family has strong hair genetics so I thought I was protected. Now I have temple + hairline recession and some crown thinning/mild bald spots that were not there before. Based on how my hair had stayed the same my whole life + my family genetic I could maybe have had the same amount of hair until my 60s had I not done this.
3. My skin went from basically perfect to much worse: larger pores, indented acne scars, worse texture, more wrinkles, and an older look. I never even did skincare before. My skin was just naturally good. Now, even after around a year of strict skincare, tretinoin, SPF50, red light therapy, two laser sessions, a chemical peel, etc., my skin still looks much worse than before.
4. I have chronic back pain and lingering injury issues for 2 years with little improvement.
5. My libido is currently much lower than before, maybe due to current life stress as well.
6. Erections are worse, takes a long time to get hard, even when aroused and relaxed alone.
7. I have nerve-like penile pain, reduced sensation, and a chronically dry/glans discomfort feeling. Nerve pain started a bit over 1 year ago (2 months post pct, 3 months post accutane quit, and day after sexual encounter.)
8. I lost a lot of time, money, confidence, and mental peace.
9. The stress made me avoid dating and some socializing.
10. My career/social life/mood all got worse during this period.
11. Mild depression due to reasons above + other life problems.

What I wish I understood earlier

I wish I had understood that:

• “Mild” does not mean safe.
• A short experiment can turn into a long spiral.
• Sunk-cost fallacy is real.
• PEDs can create more insecurity, not less.
• If you already have a decent physique, the risk/reward can be terrible.
• Bloodwork matters, but even with bloodwork you can still end up chasing numbers and symptoms.
• Reading Reddit success stories can give you a very distorted picture.
• Side effects can become the center of your life.
• Acne, hair loss, libido, fertility, mood, injuries, and skin aging are not minor side effects when they happen to you.
• If your training, diet, sleep, mental health, and life situation are not dialed in, PEDs will not magically fix that.
• Starting from a place of insecurity/depression is probably one of the worst reasons to touch this stuff.

I thought I was making a calculated decision. Looking back, I was trying to solve emotional/life problems with hormones.

Next steps

I could probably dial in diet, sleep, meditation, stress reduction, lifting some more and increase test levels some. But my diet, lifting routine, etc. is almost the same as it was 3 years ago when my levels were double. I still want to avoid TRT at all costs due to the some of the reasons listed above + very hard to get in my country, so would probably have to buy underground and do it myself. Clomid and Enclompihene are not long term options. I recently tried 1-2 weeks of clomid but got acne, bad vision sides and worse mood. I also recently tried low dose enclomiphene but got lots of acne, bloated face and more fatigue + more back pain. My vitamin D levels are high. I also take all the right "testosterone boosting" supplements; tongkat ali, shilajit, fadagia, tribulus, vitamin d, magnesium, zinc, creatine, taurine, l carnitine tartate and more. I have read about natural testosterone boosting methods ever since I started lifting 15 years ago and have heard it all, and know what I should do etc.

Still I am open to advice if someone has more knowledge about hormones, supplements, recovery, or can relate to my situation or can give me some hope or general advice would be appreciated.

Hi everyone,

I’m trying to figure out whether my symptoms sound more like prostatitis/CPPS, pelvic floor dysfunction, pudendal penile nerve irritation, or something else.

Main issue:
I’ve had on/off mild but persistent penile/pelvic/erection problems for about 1.5 years. The pain is usually not severe, but it is irritating, distracting, and has affected my erections and confidence a lot.

Timeline / possible triggers:

• Around 6 months before the penile symptoms started, I had chronic lower back pain from heavy deadlifting. When this started I was on testosterone 300mg/week, 20mg anavar for 6 weeks, and 15mg accutane day + arimidex low dose (to lower estrogen). Went off and did PCT and regained libido and erection a few months later without doing blood test to check hormones. Stopped accutane 3 months before these symptoms started. Lower back pain has persisted for 2 years, been better in periods but is currently bad again. Been to physios, and MRI and they think it is muscular because no obvious structural injury. Comes and goes in severity.
• The penis symptoms began the day after several possible mechanical/irritating factors:
  • Did 30min cycling early in the day.
  • Did 15min bathmate penis pumping(but much less force than what i normally did) few hours before sex.
  • Drank some vodka and almost a bottle of wine.
  • Probably a bit stressed and anxious since it was first date in a while and first time sex in 6 months.
  • Had sex, without any obvious injury.
• I don’t know exactly which one triggered it, but the symptoms and pain started the day after I had sex.
• Did STD-test, nothing found.
• Later, I heard about vacuum therapy for nerve injury and tried a low setting LeLuv vacuum penis pump, but that seemed to make symptoms somewhat worse.

Symptoms:

• Mild aching pain, mostly along the left side of the penis+base+perineum area
• Stinging/stabbing type sensations
• Sometimes more severe stinging, aching pain that comes and goes randomly any times.
• Mild ache on the left side near the penis base. Sometimes mild ache in the whole penis and area around base.
• Mild perineum ache/pain
• Pins-and-needles feeling in the penis, especially when erect or masturbating
• Penis feels more numb / reduced sensation compared to before
• Weaker erections than before
• Harder to get and maintain erections
• Sometimes small muscular spasms in pelvic/glute area.
• Symptoms can flare with masturbation/sexual activity
• Low libido
• Penis feels kind of dry like there is more friction when masturbating. Possibly some permanent dryness/sebacous gland issue due to accutane use?
• If I stop masturbating for 2 weeks, the penis sometimes feels even more numb, and erections do not clearly improve. Then when I start masturbating again, the pain comes back more or less as usual.
• Hormonal: Blood test showed that testosterone went from 30nmol pre starting low dose steroids+accutane to 16nmol 1,5 years post stopping,SHGB went from 60nmol to 52. And free testosterone went from middle of reference range to now bottom of reference range. When I took the last bloods I had mild depression, low libido, stress from being unemployed and slightly worse diet, a bit less strength training etc. Vitamin D was normal/high, I was on supplements like: tongkat ali, shilajit, vit d, zinc, magnesium etc when I took the blood test. But I've had many periods with higher libido, better erections and less depression in the 1,5 years since stopping testosterone so I think I can raise it more naturally and that this is not the main cause. But I am aware that this can explain libido and erection issues, but not the pain.

What I do NOT have:

• No urinary symptoms or problems.
• No burning when peeing
• No obvious bladder/prostate pain
• No classic infection symptoms.

Tried this with barely any improvement:

• Pelvic floor stretching 5-30mins a day. No huge improvements, maybe slightly better when consistent, but struggle to stay consistent with it. Did the stretches from the pinned post for a long time.
• Nerve supplements: b complex, Vitamin b12, benfothiamine, Acetyl l carnitine, alpha lipoic acid, PEA, magnesium, multivitamin,taurine, l carnitine tartate, l theanine.
• Peptides: 8 weeks bpc157 + tb500 subq stomach, 2 months mk677, 2 months ghk-cu.
• Mindfulness meditation, stretching, walking more etc.
• Reverse kegels, relaxing, trying to unclench pelvic area.

Urologist visit:

I've seen two urologist.

1. The first one just felt the penis and testicles with his hands, said that it doesn't look there is any issue, and that it is most likely just because of stress and tension. So no help here.

2. The second one did a quick ultrasound of testicles/prostate + fingers on prostate and asked if I felt any pain and I said no. But he said that my symptoms sounded like prostatitis, and wanted to prescribe medicines. I asked if there was something on the ultrasound he saw which caused this. He mentioned possible mild calcification/swelling or something like that, but I did not fully understand it and he didn't seem convincing. He still thought it could be prostatitis and prescribed:

• Doxycycline 100 mg for 10 days
• Vimovo (500mg Naproxen, 20mg Esomeprazole)- anti-inflammatory
• Tadalafil/Cialis 5 mg

He said I should book a new appointment if it didn't get better.

I’m unsure whether to take the antibiotics because I don’t have typical infection symptoms and I’m worried about side effects/gut flora, especially if it’s unlikely to help. The last thing i need right now is more health or mental health problems. I'm currently 6 months unemployed, and I already struggle with some mild depression/anxiety and need to be sharp and healthy for possible job interviews, summer plans etc.

I have also already tried tadalafil 5 mg for a long time + occasional use, but it gives me stuffy sinuses and makes me more prone to headaches, and the effect has not been amazing.

I also am not convinced Vimovo/naproxen is a good long term solution, and NSAIDs also has side effects and can damage the gut.

Questions:

1. Does this sound like prostatitis/CPPS even without urinary symptoms?
2. Could this be pudendal nerve nerve irritation from sex/pump/cycling/mechanical trauma?
3. Is the antibiotics necessary? Since it is anti-inflammatory it might give temprorary relief for 10 days, but does it make sense to take this antibiotic right now will help my symptoms long term? I feel like it might be good to take it just to exclude bacterial infection, but am scared of possible side effects/gut/mental health/new health issues from taking it, which would have really bad timing right now.
4. Did oral antibiotics help anyone long term with similar symptoms when there was no confirmed infection?
5. Feel like I have tried almost everything. Starting to lose hope since there is no improvement for 1.5 years. The pain is not as extreme as many other people here, but from going from super healthy, high testosterone naturally, amazing erections and amazing sex, in shape etc to weird nerve pain + bad erections + the "not knowing if it will get better, not knowing what the problem is, not being able to perform or enjoy sex as much" is enough to reduce life quality and confidence a lot, reduce motivation for dating and cause more depression over time. What do you recommend as my next steps?

Not looking for a diagnosis, just trying to understand what direction makes most sense before I take meds that may not be necessary.

Thanks.

Hi everyone,

I’m trying to figure out whether my symptoms sound more like prostatitis/CPPS, pelvic floor dysfunction, pudendal/dorsal penile nerve irritation, or something else.

Main issue:
I’ve had on/off, sometimes mild, sometimes worse, but persistent penile/pelvic/erection problems for about 1.5 years. The pain is usually not severe, but it is irritating, distracting, and has affected my erections and confidence a lot.

Timeline / possible triggers:

• Around 6 months before the penile symptoms started, I had chronic lower back pain from heavy deadlifting. When this started I was on testosterone 300mg/week, 20mg anavar for 6 weeks, and 15mg accutane day + arimidex low dose (to lower estrogen). Went off and did PCT and regained libido and erection a few months later without doing blood test to check hormones. Stopped accutane 3 months before these symptoms started. Lower back pain has persisted for 2 years, been better in periods but is currently bad again. Been to physios, and MRI and they think it is muscular because no obvious structural injury. Comes and goes in severity.
• The penis symptoms began the day after several possible mechanical/irritating factors:
  • Did 30min cycling early in the day.
  • Did 15min bathmate penis pumping(but much less force than what i normally did) few hours before sex.
  • Drank some vodka and almost a bottle of wine.
  • Probably a bit stressed and anxious since it was first date in a while and first time sex in 6 months.
  • Had sex, without any obvious injury.
• I don’t know exactly which one triggered it, but the symptoms and pain started the day after I had sex.
• Did STD-test, nothing found.
• Later, I heard about vacuum therapy for nerve injury and tried a low setting LeLuv vacuum penis pump, but that seemed to make symptoms somewhat worse.

Symptoms:

• Mild constant aching pain, mostly along the left side of the penis+base+perineum area
• Stinging/stabbing type sensations comes and goes.
• Mild ache on the left side near the penis base. Sometimes mild ache in the whole penis and area around base.
• Mild perineum ache/pain
• Pins-and-needles feeling in the penis, especially when erect or masturbating
• Penis feels more numb / reduced sensation compared to before
• Weaker erections than before
• Harder to get and maintain erections, even when relaxed, aroused, alone and with or without porn.
• Sometimes small muscular spasms in pelvic/glute area.
• Symptoms can flare with masturbation/sexual activity
• Low libido
• If I stop masturbating for 2 weeks, the penis sometimes feels even more numb, and erections do not clearly improve. Then when I start masturbating again, the pain comes back more or less as usual.
• Hormonal: Blood test showed that testosterone went from 30nmol pre starting low dose steroids+accutane to 16nmol 1,5 years post stopping,SHGB went from 60 to 52. And free testosterone went from middle of reference range to now bottom of reference range. When I took the last bloods I had mild depression, low libido, stress from being unemployed and slightly worse diet, a bit less strength training etc. Vitamin D was normal/high, I was on supplements like: tongkat ali, shilajit, vit d, zinc, magnesium etc when I took the blood test. But I've had many periods with higher libido, better erections and less depression in the 1,5 years since stopping testosterone so I think I can raise it more naturally and that this is not the main cause.

What I do NOT have:

• No urinary symptoms or problems.
• No burning when peeing
• No obvious bladder/prostate pain
• No classic infection symptoms.

Tried this with barely any improvement:

• Pelvic floor stretching 5-30mins a day. No huge improvements, maybe slightly better when consistent, but struggle to stay consistent with it.
• Nerve supplements: b complex, Vitamin b12, benfothiamine, Acetyl l carnitine, alpha lipoic acid, PEA, magnesium, multivitamin,taurine, l carnitine tartate, l theanine.
• Peptides: bpc157 + tb500, mk677, ghk-cu.
• Mindfulness meditation, stretching, walking more etc.
• Reverse kegels, relaxing, trying to unclench pelvic area.

Urologist visit:

I've seen two urologist.

1. The first one just felt the penis and testicles with his hands, said that it doesn't look there is any issue, and that it is most likely just because of stress and tension. So no help here.
2. The second one did a quick ultrasound of testicles/prostate + fingers on prostate and asked if I felt any pain and I said no. But he said that my symptoms sounded like prostatitis, and wanted to prescribe medicines. I asked if there was something on the ultrasound he saw which caused this. He mentioned possible mild calcification/swelling or something like that, but I did not fully understand it and he didn't seem convincing. He still thought it could be prostatitis and prescribed:

• Doxycycline 100 mg for 10 days
• Vimovo (500mg Naproxen, 20mg Esomeprazole)- anti-inflammatory
• Tadalafil/Cialis 5 mg

He said I should book a new appointment if it didn't get better.

I’m unsure whether to take the antibiotics because I don’t have typical infection symptoms and I’m worried about side effects/gut flora, especially if it’s unlikely to help. The last thing i need right now is more health or mental health problems. I'm currently 6 months unemployed, and I already struggle with some mild depression/anxiety and need to be sharp and healthy for possible job interviews, summer plans etc.

I have also already tried tadalafil 5 mg for a long time + occasional use, but it gives me stuffy sinuses and makes me more prone to headaches, and the effect has not been amazing.

I also am not convinced Vimovo/naproxen is a good long term solution, and NSAIDs also has side effects and can damage the gut.

Questions:

1. Does this sound like prostatitis/CPPS even without urinary symptoms?
2. Is the antibiotics necessary? Since it is anti-inflammatory it might give temprorary relief for 10 days, but does it make sense to take this antibiotic right now will help my symptoms long term? I feel like it might be good to take it just to exclude bacterial infection, but am scared of possible side effects/gut/mental health/new health issues from taking it, which would have really bad timing right now.
3. Did oral antibiotics help anyone long term with similar symptoms when there was no confirmed infection?
4. Could this be pudendal nerve or dorsal penile nerve irritation from sex/pump/cycling/mechanical trauma?
5. Feel like I have tried almost everything. Starting to lose hope since there is no improvement for 1.5 years. What do you recommend as my next steps?

Not looking for a diagnosis, just trying to understand what direction makes most sense before I take meds that may not be necessary.

Thanks.