u/stranger41_

So i (f28) and my partner (m28) have been together since mid 2023 in LDR. Everything was amazing we got close too fast and he even decided that he wanted to marry me and was trying to talk at home with his parents and get them on board. But late 2025 things started to fall off. He would be too busy to call.. texts went down. And even when i was in his city he wouldn't get time to meet me. It was really frustrating but I was trying to be very patient. I lost it when he went on weekend business trip to another city while he had told me hed let me know if he was free during the weekend. And I got to know he was in another city on the day when I asked if were meeting today. Anyway he promised to take care of it and not to do that again but 2 weeks later he went to another country with his boys as a boys trip for 5 days and that same week he told me hed try to meet me. I was very very disappointed but I didnt wanna ruin his trip so I didnt say. After the whole trip etc when we finally did talk which I lowkey forced him for a call I ended up lashing out and saying sth sarcastic that hurt him and he hung up on me and refused to call/text or do anything abt it. The only text id get is anger or just " whyd you say that" etc and i tried not to defend myself and take full responsibility but everytime i said sth that questioned him or made a lot more sense he'd push me back saying " leave me alone" or " i dont want to talk to you right now". Went on for around 5 months lowkey no contact. And then in april 2026 I reached out calmly and surpringly he was willing to let me in. We reconnected and he initiated that we bridge the gap and we ended up sexting although i didnt want to dive right there when we hadnt even talked abt the issue . Lasted 2 weeks before he panicked and said that he cant do it it hurts his heart and when i tried to reason but the same " leave me alone for now". Then 3 months later I reached out because I was done sitting in uncertainty I forced for a call and we finally talked abt what happened and i finally understood that it wasnt the words alone that hurt him. He also admitted that he might be still in love with me which is why it hurts him so much more. It was the tone, my words my face expression and the fact that he thought I removed some frustration of something else on him becahse the comment I passed wasnt entirely related to the issue. He said his trauma was triggered ( childhood trauma abt physical abuse). And the call ended with he saying hed think abt whether he is up to trying again or no and if he says no then he doesnt want further discussion. I agreed but I didnt hear from him for another 2 weeks. I gently reached out and he said he was confused. I tried to tell me him that its ok yo be confused that his mind is trying to protect him from future harm but it does not have to be a future harm. He got defensive. And i should've backed out here but I didnt I tried to reason out and made some good points and he pulled bsck with the same " leave me alone or leave completely" this is when I realised that this is a pattern. I dug deeper esp on his words when he said he tried to fix his heart or his mind but its not working. And I realised that 90% of what he says matches FA. But I don't think he realises this. And idk how to tell him. I can text him but his last msg was to leave him alone. This was our first ever conflict in 2.5 yrs. Im just so confused. Ive thought abt calmly politely trying to explain to him but idk if hed block me or what because I guess that dies hurt his ego?. Ive thought abt maybe sending a reel? But I can't ever be sure he would watch it or even understand it. Im really confused.

Please suggest me someway that i can try telling him so he can work on it on the right way and possibly not push me further away

I f(28) have been experiencing a lot of blockages and setbacks etc. So many things that I cant even explain or even if explained they still dont sit right with me. To start..I first suspected evil eye in 2024. My paternal family has a lot of ppl who are invovled in sihr directly or indirectly and ppl who are known to have bad eye as well as almost everyone in the family envy each other and wont let each other grow in any terms.

My dad's family is really huge and I used to love meeting with cousins and all until I started noticied paritiality and they lowkey outcasting us. The main reason is because of my mom and her teachings. Alhumdulillah my mom is always with quran trying to understand it and grow in deen and she has guided us to do the same. She always spoke with hadith and quran and my dad's family is a little orthodox so they had a lot of bidah practices, superstitions and gave importance to culture more than deen and my mom when she started learning that what they were doing is bad would directly tell them so and so is bad or would reject getting invovled in them and would stop us from getting invobled with biddah too and the family did not like that. And the same thing because theyre orthodox they expect me as a girl to be very conservative and be limited to just house chores etc. My parents dont believe that they have encouraged me to be independent but within the limits of Islam. They have encouraged me to speak my mjnd and to stand up for myself when things are unfair but to always respect the person infront too. And my extended family dont like that as well because theyre not used to girls having an opinion or even knowledge abt life in general.

Another thing Alhumdulillah we are comfortable in life compared to other relatives and my dad has always made sure all his earning is halal. But there has been issues where his family along with other relatives have illegally taken over his property etc that are worth a lot because of this issue since decades we avoid these ppl lets call them X. Now these ppl are known for doing sihr, betraying their own brother and have no respect for any relations. Whenever I meet his wife the next day i fall ill and this has been happening since I was kid. Even when the suspected ppl to have bad eye compliment me etc without saying " ma sha allah" or anything I used to fall ill. That is how we knew so and so ppl had a bad eye and that i was very susceptible to evil eye but we used to play ruqhya or my mom would read ruqhya and blow on me and id get better or when I grew up I would read surah fatiha ayat al kursi and the last 3 surahs and blow on me and eventually my minor symptoms ( headache stomach ache etc) would get better.

But 2024 September X 's nephew was getting married. Now X's brothers family is very close to us esp their kids who are our age and we've practically grown up together and they too have faced same betrayal and countless cases of sihr by X ( they know its X because situations they have been and connecting the dots and not because someone said so and so said they did sihr) but yes they've faced a lot of loss in their life to the point where things feel scary or unrealistic if someone hears them. Anyway so during the wedding there was a lot of controversy and X wasnt invited to the wedding for obvious reasons yet his family came to the wedding unannounced and the groom's dad had asked my dad to help out with wedding duties basically acting as a brother/ family member. And since my family and the groom's family were close we obviously dressed up well and were present to almost all events or arrangements.

After that wedding I started have a terrible rash on my face. My skin was sensitive but I could not figure out what was causing the rash. It was red swollen and dry and burned like anything around my lips and nose. Nothing I applied helped me feel better. My skin also broke out really badly. It kept getting worse to the point where I had minute cuts in my skin which added to the pain. I went to the dermatologist who too coukdnt figure out what exactly was the problem and suspected either psoriasis or I think fungal infection. Said the medicines will help cure it all. But it didnt budge not even a little bit. It had been maybe 5-6 months already with this rash and it was to the point where my effected skin was peeling off. I went to another dermatologist who said it might be contact dermatitis but I wasnt using anything that could've caused that. He then said it might be something else ( I forgot the name) and gave me set of medicines. Said that whatever the diagnosis these medicines will cure it completely. They didnt. The rash subsidised by itself idk what helped or what but during the time it was healing I was away from my extended family like in a different country.

Other than this i noticed that there has been no good news or nothing to be happy abt in my family since 2024. We instead faced a lot of loss- 1. dad booked for a car which normall comes max by 3 months. But for us they never reached out to us even after 6 months. Either it would be out of stock of what we wanted wouldnt be available. When we settled for what was available noone would reach us back. Our old car would out of nowhere stop in middle of road/ highway anywhere even if it has just been serviced.

2. A lot of stress with my dad's work, sudden change in my dad's behaviour towarda me and my mom ( extreme annoyance lashing out in anger etc.) He started being stingy with money even questioning for random sadaqah to the point that eventually there was almost 0 sadaqah being given from either of us. Tensions from his extended family that made dad believe mom was turning me and my siblings against his family ( she wasnt infact when id face sth extreme hurtful by his family my mom would advice to practice sabr and to not indulge much because theyre elder and whatever it is I can ignore what they want from me but i have to respect them because of their relation). My dad also lost his wallet with all important ID and other card thrice back to back. His ID was never recovered. But he would block his bank cards and make another cards and 2 days later somehow would lose them. And my dad is very responsible and careful abt such things

3. The most concerning thing was when my mom fell ill back to back. She had severe stomach ache where she coukdnt even stand and we had ti go to ER for the first time in our life. They sent us back saying it was gastritis. The few weeks later my mom fell down on the road out of nowhere ​and we had to go to the ER again only for her to be diagnosed with gall stones. She underwent surgery few months later where she was in extreme pain due to canula. A month or 2 later she still had shoulder pain from her fall which we didnt focus much as the X Ray was clean but turns out her major tendon is broken so she needs to go through a surgery again.

4. Through all that I was personally going through my own stress. Problems between someone who meant the most to me. Who was my peace and biggest blessing in my life. I nevee ones missed out the opportunity to thank allah for sending them my way as they were truly a blessing in my life. Misunderstandings, communication gap etc kept piling up and eventually something happened that made me lash out at them ( just the way my dad lashes out at me) this pushed them away from me maybe permanently. I never could answer why I said what I said or how I said it. Ive apologised thousand of times. Cried in namaaz for forgiveness for hurting them.

Throughout all this looking after mom, dealing with my dad losing my favorite person etc made me go in depression. But ive been depressed before and this time its different. One day im perfectly fine the next I feel like a burden in earth. I cant find even a single positive thing. I cry in namaaz and I feel ignored even by allah... i know I shouldn't say this but yes. I tried to not lose my iman kept giving sadaqah as form of water bottles. Feeding stray cats etc because thats all I can do ( im not working as of now.. which is also a blockage). I feel so lost i keep praying for some relief any relief but nothing i just feel more and more deep into depression and suicidal ( not really suicidal as id never hurt myself but more like I dont want this life anymore).

A week back after a long break i came back to India and my sis in law was talking abt this raqi that they went to because they had marriage troubles. I convinced my parents and we went there. He follows everything acc to sunnah and hadith. He asked us our issue and then said he would perform ruqhya and asked us to close our eyes and be mindful of any changes. My parents didnt notice any changes but I got super anxious increased heartbeat and was very distracted throughout where I had to force myself to concentrate. He then said that physically I was the one who seemed disturbed and my parents looked relaxed. He said it does look as severe as sihr but he cant tell that for sure obviously and said it might be hasad or evil eye and gave us 3 a pack of sidr which also consists of other things like qast al hind etc. Said that we need to mix the powder in water read certain surah etc blow on yhe water and then take a bath in water ( just pour it on ourself so out entire body is covered with it) and immediately after drying and clothing listen to surah baqarah eyes closed and will full concentration. And we need to make note of any symptoms that we feel or any changes we feel while listening to surah baqarah and report to him. We need to do this 3 days continously and if our symptoms get better by day 3 then we dont need to see him again.

We havent started the sidr bath thing yet as we have been occupied with somethings and couldn't dedicate 1-2 hrs no disturbance to it.But initially i felt relieved thinking hteres a solution to all these problems in my life emotionally and all. After that ruqhya I felt super depressed and crying for no reason at all. And got very lazy with my namaaz which didnt happen since a long time. Started getting lazy with quran and i still force myself to read atleast 2 pages of quran but its so difficult. I feel so disconnected from deen and this too makes me feel so depressed. I have no energy to make any dua at all I constantly keep getting " whats the use of making dua" thoughts. I still wakeup for tahajjud but isntead if waking 1 hr before and praying maybe 6 rakat 1 barely pray 2 and barely make any dua. This happened for like 3-4 days after ruqhya. And then i started to feel that like idk if whatever spiritually happened os the reason for how I feel. Idk if my depression snd loss of hope is from spiritual or or if its just my life. Idk if sidr could do anything to my life. Idk if my life is meant to be happy and peaceful and idk if i can expect that with sidr. During thid week we also met with all my relatives from dad side as we came back after a long time and I noticed my face rhat had 90% cleared up started to breakout again and I started having the rash again which didnt flare up for months although not so severe but yes. And then one day im all fine happy and all even when I force myself to think abt everything negative it still doesnt effect me and the next day i wakeup feeling the worst ever I dont wanna meet anyone I dont wanna talk to anyone and I try to spend most of my day in my room crying uncontrollably. I try to cry only during namaaz or infront of allah. And idk what it is that I can expect from ruqhya. I spoke to the person too abt my behaviour and apologised cleanly and also said abt hasad etc because 1 thing the raqi said was one of the main signs if being afflicted is anger or irritation over small things that isnt alligned with your character. And now idk if sidr bath or the healing spiritually would help reconcile my personal relationship and fix my emotional wellbeing. Idk if i can expect to be happy again. Hoping feel so scary too and idek what i can hope for.

P.s Im sorry if i drifted out of context. Maybe i just needed to talk abt everything because i seem to have pushed all my friends away too so i have noone to talk to and this feels tok personal and talking to anyone who knows me feel risky because idk who can be trusted and who cant be

I performed hajj this year alhumdulillah. My life has been difficult before hajj and I went with hope that I can beg allah to change my life. I know change doesnt happen overnight but yea. Since hajj ended we stayed 5 days in makkah before coming to uae. In makkah it felt like my life was at pause. I didnt worry abt anything. I srill prayed I still cried when I was praying or making dua or during tawaf but I had this some kinda of reassurance or comfort. Now I am I uae with my brother and sister in law. I dont live here I am visiting them and they both were there with me in hajj too. And I just feel so so depressed. Its not the usual I want to go back to makkah or im missing makkah depression that ive come across here. My parents live in saudi and I was born, brought up and live most of the time in saudi so alhumdulillah going to makkah is a usual thing for alhumdulillah. But this depression is more like I cant deal with my life. I constantly keep thinking whatd I do that my duas havent been answered yet. What'd I do that im not getting the basic happiness that most of the ppl seem to get so easily. I give sadaqah I pray tahajjud I keep my mouth busy eith dhikr astagfar I read surah baqarah, surah yaseen and my usual quran lesson throughout the day. I pray 5 times I try to do more. My intentions are all good yet I keep thinking why is it that im being held back from basic happiness. I see ppl who complain abt their lives or those who dont value the blessings they have in their life and I wonder why them and not me? I would've fallen in sujood if I had even 0.5% of such blessings that ive been praying for so long yet im not getting. Im constantly crying and losing hope in life and I just dont know what to do abt it