Growing up as the ‘Cinderella’ child and developing OCD/anxiety — has anyone experienced this?
I’m in treatment for OCD and trauma, and I’m trying to understand how much my childhood and family dynamics shaped the way I see myself and the world.
Growing up, I felt like the “Cinderella” and scapegoat in my household. I was expected to do a lot, my feelings were often dismissed, and I learned to question my own judgment.
My sister had serious behavioral issues from a young age, including being suspended from elementary school after an incident drugging a disabled classmate.
The event that caused me to seriously question everything happened after my husband shared some painful childhood trauma with me. I was crying and emotionally overwhelmed while trying to support him and process what he shared.
During that time, my sister repeatedly introduced the idea that my husband—who has never harmed me, threatened me, or made me afraid of him—was going to shoot me.
While I was in that distressed state, she calmly instructed me to load guns that had been locked away in our home for decades into my vehicle and drive them to her. I have never handled those guns as an adult and have never fired a gun. I still struggle to understand why firearms were brought into that situation while I was vulnerable.
For additional context, my sister herself had previously carried an illegal handgun until my father took it away from her. She also previously tried to give that handgun to my husband, and he declined because he only wanted to own firearms legally.
During that same week, she said, “We have been trying to isolate you and I guess it’s working,” and laughed afterward.
Since then, I have spoken with multiple doctors, therapists, and an attorney. After hearing what happened, they recommended that I seek an order of protection.
One of the hardest parts is that my mother is very loyal to my sister, and I often feel like my experiences get dismissed or turned back on me.
A smaller example: I told my family that my boss seemed unusually warm and repeatedly offered that I could call him evenings and weekends. I found that unusual because I had never had another boss communicate that way. My sister told me it was normal, and my mother responded that I shouldn’t be flirting with my boss. I was not flirting with my boss, and I felt like my concern was turned into something negative about me instead of being heard.
Looking back, I feel like there has been a long pattern of being encouraged to doubt my own judgment and question my decisions.
I’m trying to understand whether growing up in this kind of environment can contribute to OCD, anxiety, and difficulty trusting yourself.
Has anyone else been the “Cinderella” or scapegoat in their family and later realized how much it affected them as an adult? How did you learn to trust your own perception again? How would you relate to your family in this situation. My father just does what my mother tells him to.