What are the positives or is there any negatives?
I am moving abroad for the first time away from everyone I know. I was going to do it with my ex-partner and now we have broken up. We are both going ahead with the move but separately. I’m scared but I want to know how it was like for other people - did you grow as a person? Did things get worse for you?
My best friend and I have known each other since we were 10. Throughout our friendship, there has been issues and times where we haven’t spoken to each other for a significant length of time. The last two years we’ve become really close and we’ve really valued our friendship and being there for each other during some difficult times. Recently, I quit my job to go travelling and then move abroad. My friend was so supportive telling me she’s so proud of me she threw me a going away party, came to my house with presents on my last day at work, took me to the airport and sent me a really long message as a way of saying goodbye and good luck. I felt so positive about our friendship and despite going so far away I knew that we would be fine. As soon as I landed, I sent her a message saying thank you and that I’m always there for her. I felt so grateful for her that I made a little video of us and the party so she truly understood how grateful I was for having her in my life. But three days into my travels, she sends me a message saying that she expected a reassuring message back to her to let her know everything will be okay. She said she didn’t feel happy seeing the video and that’s why she didn’t comment or like it and therefore she needed to tell me . This message really upset me mainly because I was quite burnt out, getting used to the time zone and was trying to spend quality time with my boyfriend who I hadn’t seen for two months. I felt like I had the rug pulled from under me like how is this real? I have shown you in so many ways that I’m there for you and just because I didn’t send you a really long message back somehow that’s a problem. We talked about this and didn’t really say hi to why she is off the view that she had lost her best friend and she was feeling like she was in a really vulnerable space because she had a lot going on in her personal life and all her friends and everyone around her were saying that she did the right thing by telling me and getting it all off her chest. She feels disappointed because all she wanted from me in that moment was to ask her how she was and instead she felt that I was defensive. I just don’t get how you can say you care about someone and then send a message like that in the middle of such a crucial transition period because she’s herself said that I haven’t done anything wrong per se but she needed something from me, but she herself doesn’t even know what she needed in that moment.
So am I the arsehole because she’s of the view that she came to me during a vulnerable point and I just chose to be defensive instead of supportive apparently?
My feed is full with this phrase at the moment so for those of you who are seriously experiencing this how long did it take and what did you do to get to that point?