Trans Woman of Transformation Fetish
Hi :) 23 gay man here (at least as of now). I lately have been really working through some things regarding my sexuality and questioning my gender altogether.
I have thought about being a girl since I was little, but it got shut down pretty early on when my dad found the search history on our computer. So I tucked that away. I then later hit puberty and found myself attracted to men. What I thought ended there, didn’t. Exploring my sexuality brought up feelings of being a girl again, but ONLY when aroused. Once I take the load off I find myself not interested in being a woman whatsoever. Now I don’t know if that’s just because I have repressed that part of me for so long, or if it is just a fetish. I don’t ever wish I was a woman outside of arousal, but I do envy a trans woman when I see them out and about. I also get off to other transformation erotica and porn, not just MTF though, which makes me wonder if it’s a fetish. I’ve read so many articles and asked myself many questions about fetish or not, but I still find myself at crossroads. Would I push ‘The Button’… 100% yes I would, but I also really like being a guy with male genitalia (but do I also just say this because of the conditioning I have had?) It’s this tug of war and I just cannot figure it out. My last gender/sexuality therapist had never even heard of a transformation fetish, and after research he thinks that’s what I have, but a tiny part of me doesn’t sit right with that, but ONLY EVER when I am aroused.
Obviously no one can tell me for sure if it is just a fetish, but if anyone is up for it, I would love for you to share your experiences and maybe give any advice you may have. I know a lot of us are going through the same things. If not comfortable sharing on here, my DMs are also open :)
Thanks :)
TLDR: Trying to figure out if I am a trans woman or a cis male with a transformation fetish. Would like any input you have.