Hit rock bottom
So my therapist encouraged me to go to NA meetings, even though my issue is ketamine, but I know one of the things is about being honest regardless of the substance use.
I’m about one step away from Rock bottom and I’m trying NOT to hit actual rock bottom so I’m sharing here for accountability
I’ve been using extremely recklessly. Essentially injecting myself with Ket that I know was not clean (i’m a medical professional so unfortunately know how to reconstitute powder to make it safer for injection). TBH based on how I’ve been taking it. I’m really surprised my body hasn’t had any serious issues (yet)
I’ve had a tremendous amount of trauma in my life and had a bunch come out in extremely emotional triggers last week and I kind of just reached my breaking point. I said fuck it. Normally, I try to use as safely as I can, but in my “fuck it” mentality I didn’t care. I was being extremely reckless and I had a couple of Close calls.
Yesterday was the closest to Rock bottom that I could be (to me and my bottom would be ending up in the hospital with a complication from the reckless use)
My therapist encouraged me to go to an NA meeting and not order any more ketamine, not even the prescription kind
So today’s day one without taking any. It’s fucking hard because all I want to do is not feel the pain of the trauma that I’ve been through.
So I’m here instead, being honest about the struggles, trying to get up out of bed for the day and trying to find motivation to keep going
Just here for support. Please no judgment. I know that what I’m doing is bad and unsafe, which is why I’m stopping, but it hurts and it’s hard