u/sushil_chandra

In India, my only concern is my mother and brother are suffering emotional pain due to my ass being stuck in a rot , this loop cycle doesn't seem to end I'm literally causing them pain by choosing not to act when I can see they are suffering, what sort of a son and brother am i, why can't the pain that makes me cry for 5-10 mins not be intense enough to unalive myself, i am tired of giving them emotional pain by being stuck , i need to unalive but I'm unable to

with 55% , i never remember putting efforts in anything even in exams i used to revise and memorize write what i could gather and get average marks, making friends was a problem since childhood becoz i don't know how to initiate a conversation and I have negative communication skills, avoidant attachment behaviour I've grown with sabotages me the most, my family is also Dysfunctional my brothers has his thyroid problems my mother has adhd, father has trust issues, my lack of employment has been a problem and both my quarreling father and mother suffered emotional pain, i have let my dear brother down by being negligent and inattentive, Till Covid i choose to not be employed fearing my parents would marry me, since covid I've lost all motivation to find work, i have a skill that is regarded as addiction so talking about it isn't worthy, my mother and brother have suffered lot of emotional pain I've let them down very much, i need and want to unalive myself, but I'm unable to take any actions in that direction, I am confused please somebody suggest something applicable