u/svps98

My mom inherited my grandma’s house which is in a private old persons community with an HOA. Mom has been paying the bills on the house for a YEAR waiting for it to get sold but now that there’s somebody finally trying to buy it (please note: the people trying to buy it are investors planning to rent it out) the HOA has suddenly decided to hire all of these upkeep services and is saying that Mom has to pay for it before she can sell the house. The only reason we found out is because of grandma’s nosy neighbors who called us and told us! The services include uprooting grandma’s fruit trees, repaving the driveway, and God knows what else. They’ve been hounding my mom to try and get her to do these things but she hasn’t because she’s trying to sell it! So why would she do all of these made up things that the HOA has come up with? They want to repave the ENTIRE DRIVEWAY because a few of the bricks on the side are cracked. HELLO?!

So what I’m asking is, isn’t there some way that mom can circumvent these made up HOA hired services and sell the house anyway and/or have them direct these service bills to the new owners? They say they won’t approve the new owners until all these made up things are finished. But mom can’t afford that! She’s already taking a loss on the sale of this damn house!
PLEASE HELP

Edit: I want to specify that we do NOT live in this house. My grandma died and left it in my mom’s name without her knowing. My mom and her mom were not close and this house is an hour away from where we live. Mom took on the sale of the house as a nice thing to do and didn’t expect the sale to take an entire year. The house is empty. Apparently, the HOA was hounding my grandma when she was alive and living there to deal with the tree and other stuff around the property but she just dgaf. So now that grandma’s died, they’ve told my mom about all the stuff they were trying to get my grandma to do but it’s a lot and mom can’t just scrounge up thousands of dollars when she’s already spent thousands of dollars just to pay the house bills and community fees, including the HOA fee for this house that we don’t even live in. So THAT’S what I’m getting at. I know that ultimately it’s just that mom is screwed and grandma kinda screwed her over but hence why I’m trying to ask if there’s anything mom can do to push back or at least get them to ease up even if that’s a pipedream. Especially considering (idk the full details but so take this with a grain of salt ok, I’m just spitballing here) if all of these thins were so important to the HOA, why didn’t they kick grandma out during the 20 years she was living there? Yet now that she’s dead and they can stick mom with the bill, they’re just going crazy doing all the things they always wanted to do?

My brother (25/M(Level2-Nonverbal)) and I (27F) got into a physical fight last night and I feel awful. There’s no hitting or punching, but he gets very aggressively grabby (grabs arms/shirt/etc) and will do this weird thing with his chin where he presses it into your jaw and that HURTS. I was trying to get him off of me so i ended up yelling at him and I pinched him so hard that I broke skin. I feel so disgusting about that especially. It’s only because he’s bigger than me and has that tried and true special needs hulk level strength, so I have to get creative about how to get him to unhand me.
He always instigates this sort of thing but this is the first time in quite a while that its been this bad. And i realized last night that a part of the problem is that i always escalate it; this time i escalated it by ripping off his sensory headphones but, obviously, that just made him more agitated. I feel especially bad because he’s obviously overstimulated by something but it’s not like he can just tell me what’s wrong.
Afterwards we both cried in our rooms (our rooms are right next to each other so i can hear him clearly) and i came to the realization that i just don’t know how to de-escalate the situation when he gets like that, especially when he’s grabbing me and hurting me.

Any advice on how to calm him down or get him to signal to me whats wrong? I hate when he cries :(