hey, what’s wrong with me? Am I neurodivergent? Most people would leave an ab*sive household no matter what.
however am unable to leave even-though I want to and need to. I’m 27. Living at home with my mom who s-harasses me (yes I mean S-harasses me, my own mother) after I told her I’m not Muslim. (Please don’t tell your Famliy, learn from me, some of them will want to make you crazy or WORSE). Anyway the fear that I have of the unknown is big that I can’t. My biggest fears are homelessness, loneliness, being cut off from my siblings and extended family. Having no community. I also grew up my whole life in a very abusive household from childhood, I was emotionally neglected and don’t have many life skill although I’ve gotten better with the life skills lately in the last few years, work helped a lot. I also have a lot of what feels like executive dysfunction. I do not trust myself to be able to take care of myself so I stay under my mom’s toxic roof than no roof. I also worry about not being able to pay rent or having to starve or losing a job and not being able to find another. I see a lot of people on tiktok move out cut their family off and trust themselves to take care of themselves. Maybe if I had a degree I’d feel more confident? (I also have no capacity currently to study I’m barely still keeping my agency job). Also I’m terrible at interviews and all the stuff needed for a job so I don’t trust myself job finding skills either. I’m really at the bottom. I will say however I am strong because for the last year I’ve still kept my job despite my mom’s psychologically torturing behaviour. I am nice to my coworkers, I laugh with them sometimes, it makes me feel better talking to them. They don’t know how much I lean on them emotionally and psychologically. (Some of them are toxic but idc at this point! Any distraction is good enough!). Losing my job would finish me. Some of them think my life is great because ‘I have a Famliy and live with them’ whereas they had to come to this country all alone. If only they knew right. Wouldn’t really call it a home although my bedroom feels like home and my siblings and sometimes the house when she’s gone. Anyway I admire my co workers who came from other countries all alone and make a life here. One of my co workers said something to me the other day about having to skip meals, I couldn’t believe it. It made me think I should be grateful to be living at home but i really don’t like it here. Sometimes when im really struggling I tell myself in the olden times people probably had it as hard as I do if not harder and they still lived so maybe we humans are stronger than we think and maybe I’m stronger than I think 😭 Leave me comments please, Reddit won’t let me receive messages till I do age verification (dw I’m 27).