u/syf1ee

TL;DR: My ex (44M) of two years broke up with me (35F) three weeks ago, citing depression and a need to "heal." We are currently on a pre-paid two-week holiday together. He has said he'd like us to maintain a friendship, but I’m struggling with the irony of his past jealousy vs. our current history, and the fact that I’m still attracted to him.

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I’m currently in a surreal situation. I’m on a two-week holiday with a man who ended our relationship 2 weeks before we left. We’ve been together for two years, met each other’s families, and been through a lot.

He initially said he needed to end things because he’s depressed, doesn't love himself, and needs to heal. A week later, he added more to this, saying we simply "aren't meant to be." I didn’t want the breakup btw. I’m the type of person who believes you work through differences. He, however, has a very "my way or the highway" approach to conflict. If I ask questions to understand his perspective, he feels attacked. If I say "sorry" for the impact of a fight, he gets angry because he expects "sorry" to mean absolute agreement with his point of view. IMO this has been the recurring issue in the relationship.

Now that we’ve broken up, he’s insisting he wants to stay friends and that there'll be a gap in his life without me in it. The irony is killing me. At the start of our relationship, we had a massive fight because I was still amicable with a coworker I had kissed a year prior we got together (we all work in the same company btw, and before you say anything, my ex is the only one I wanted to get together with properly. And only kissed one other guy in the company before him.) Even though there was no emotional or physical intimacy involved, my ex found it "disrespectful" and made me unfollow the guy I kissed twice on Instagram. Eventually I removed said co-worker, as I valued my relationship with my ex more.

Yet now, my ex wants me to pivot into a platonic friendship with him - someone I have a deep 2 years physical and emotional history with. For me, the baseline for male friendship is a total lack of physical intimacy. I’m still very attracted to him, so I don't see how this transition is supposed to happen overnight. He still argues that I was able to be friends with "that guy I kissed", which in itself tells me he still harbours feelings towards that.

A major source of tension was our different life stages. I would say, I'm fairly independent - I was single for 4 years before we got together, I rent my own place, have no dependents, and have a lot of freedom. My ex lives with his parents after his breakup (from a 12 year relationship) and has a daughter he still hasn't introduced to me after two years. He feels stuck, guilty, and pressured by his responsibilities. My therapist thinks he might feel "not enough" for me because I’m so carefree, and he’s projecting that as "we aren't meant to be." To add more context we started couples therapy at the start of the year to work through our issues. And we also do individual therapy with the same therapist.

Where I'm at at the moment is I'm realising we actually get along great when the "pressure" of a relationship is removed. This holiday so far has actually been "easy" in a sad way because the expectations are gone. But I’m angry. I’m angry he won't talk through things and angry that he’s asking for a friendship that he himself would have labeled "disrespectful" if the roles were reversed.

There's obviously a lot more to the dynamic that I've not mentioned, but I'm wondering if it's actually possible to transition a two year relationship into a friendship when one person is still attracted to the other? Or is he just trying to keep me around to ease his own guilt/depression while he "heals"?

Has anyone successfully navigated a "breakup holiday" or a friendship with an ex who has rigid communication blocks?

I'm not looking for success stories or hope that we'll get back together. Ultimately I do understand that we have a lot to work through even if we get back together tomorrow...and I'm not even sure that he wants to work through them. I guess I'm just processing this from my side and I don't want to take the depression away from him either as this is very real but need to allow the impact it has on me.

Hi all,

I’m trying to understand whether my surname may have been changed informally rather than through a formal legal process when I was a child in Ireland.

I was born in Singapore and moved to Ireland when I was around 10 years old. My mum later remarried an Irish man, and when applying for my Irish citizenship/passport, she appears to have used my stepfather’s surname for me. Since then, all my Irish documents and passport have used that surname.

However, as far as I’m aware:

- No deed poll was ever completed

- I never signed any change of name documents

- I don’t remember any court/legal process taking place

- I don’t believe any formal change of name certificate exists

I’ve also lived in the UK for the past 8 years and all my records there are under the same surname as well.

This has only recently become an issue because I’m now dealing with foreign citizenship/admin matters and have been asked to provide evidence of the surname change. The problem is that I don’t think any official documentation actually exists.

Unfortunately, I’m no longer in contact with my mum, so I don’t have access to any historical paperwork she may have used at the time.

My questions are:

1. Was it possible in Ireland for a parent to use a different surname for a child’s passport/citizenship documents without formally changing the child’s legal name?

2. Can long-term consistent use of a surname effectively become your legal name under Irish law/common usage?

3. If no formal name change document exists, is there a way to officially confirm that?

I’m mainly trying to understand what my legal position actually is and what sort of evidence I may realistically be able to obtain.

Thanks in advance.

Hi all,

I’m currently in the process of renouncing my Singapore citizenship and ICA has asked me to provide one of the following if there has been a change to my name:

- Deed poll

- Change of name certificate

- Religious/Baptism certificate

- Marriage certificate

The problem is that I don’t think my name was ever formally or legally changed.

I moved from Singapore to Ireland when I was around 10 years old. My mum later remarried an Irish man, and when applying for my Irish citizenship/passport, she appears to have used my stepfather’s surname on the application. Since then, all my Irish documents and passport have used that surname.

However:

- I never signed a deed poll

- I don’t remember any legal name change process

- I don’t think any official change of name document exists

I’ve also lived in the UK for the past 8 years, and all my records here are under the same surname.

To complicate things further, I no longer have my old Singapore passport or NRIC card to surrender.

Unfortunately, I’m also no longer in contact with my mum, so I don’t have access to any historical paperwork she may have used at the time.

My questions are:

1. If no formal name change document exists, what would ICA usually accept in this situation?

2. Is it possible my surname was simply adopted for foreign documents without a legal name change?

3. What happens if I no longer have my Singapore passport and NRIC?

Has anyone dealt with something similar before?

Thanks in advance.