I don’t know where to go from here
I (32M) believe I have finally come to a breaking point when it comes to my 68 year old mother. For brief context, I was an only child to a single mother. I knew our relationship ship was different, but I always attributed it to our mother-son dynamic.
Recently, she is becoming too much for me to deal with. She does not like my partner of the past 2.5 years, the most serious relationship I have ever been in. My mother believes that my partner is trying to tear us apart, when to me this feels like the most healthy and loving relationship I’ve ever been in. My mom insists that my partner continually disrespects her, and refuses to accept any blame. This is something I’ve spoken with close friends about, and have been validated that my mother’s behavior is not normal.
I’m quickly coming apart at the seams after my mom’s most recent visit, when she insists my girlfriend is trying to come between my mom and myself. She told me marrying my partner would be the biggest mistake of my life, amongst other things. Further details can be provided if wanted/necessary.
I’m worried it will result in losing her, whether it be through suicide or no longer having her in my life. As twisted as it is, I still love her and care for her deeply in spite of everything. She has expressed to me multiple times that I am her everything, and how she has nobody in the world that loves her. Classic manipulation techniques, but that doesn’t mean they don’t work in making me feel guilt and responsibility for her wellbeing and mental health.
I’m realizing things cannot continue this way, as my anxiety has been through the roof. I’m not sure how to proceed. I had a panic attack tonight after making the mistake of calling her to check in, and being met with screaming and awful comments about my partner and myself to the point about lying about what I was doing and turning off my phone so she wouldn’t have my location.
I realize I need to create boundaries with my mom, but I don’t know how to do it and not feel the guilt and pain I’ve come to associate with her.
Looking for any help, advice, or commiseration to feel less alone.