u/thatonetransanonguy

Mixed and on T for almost a year now. My voice has changed but not deep enough to naturally pass. Ik I could be training more but something dawned on me the other day which may explain why I have a hard time finding a standard for my tone/pitch. I've always been told when talking online that I sound white. I've had people refuse to believe I am mixed based on my voice.

I don't think voices are a good identifier for race, however I understand why I sound like that having been raised by white folk. I don't know how to "sound more black", and I can't explain why but transitioning makes me notice just how much of a disconnect I have from being around black people to normalize what a black voice sounds like differently to a white voice.

No hate to black slang either, but I grew up around Detroit so most of my mental concepts of black men's voices is somewhat ghetto, and it doesn't match my demeanor at all. I'm not sure what good in-between voices I have to reference from.

(Not on topic at all but any recommendations for hair nets to sleep in for afros? I go to bed with nice untangled curls and wake up to a shit ton of knots, good shampoo n conditioner isn't cheap.)

Was clean since 7/4/25. Something just broke in me these past couple of months that made me take a 2 mile bike ride to my nearest dispensary on 4/20. And like a idiot I didn't stick to gummies, I went all out smoking again which happens to affect me worse. I threw out the pen 2 times. Each time I didn't take the trash out so like the addict I am I disgustingly dug it out from my food waste, wiped it off, and kept using it religiously. Ended up throwing it out this time with my cat's waste knowing while my addiction is strong, it isn't strong enough to wipe cat shit and piss off a pen to continue smoke it.

Being an addict is such a gross experience, and somewhat isolating. I loathe those who can drink, smoke, and party without it turning into a unhealthy cycle of; constantly doing time math for my last smoke so when I go outside I'll avoid being too intoxicated to function, constantly waiting to go home only to get stoned, needing it for creativity, needing it to be productive, needing it to numb myself from current events, or using it for stress when it itself is the cause of stress, needing it for anxiety when it too produces anxiety on its own.

I enjoy my life more without it, yet I keep going back with the hope it'll make my life easier. All it does is complicate things. Without weed I am;

• Able to think more clearly

• Work out more

• Feel like myself

• Feel more present in the moment

• More present in relationships

• Able to take life slower, little things like enjoying reading more

• Able to follow routines better

• Able to want healthy changes for myself and set goals to achieve this

• More confident

• Saving money to be spent on more enjoyable things

But with weed I;

• Start to spiral with anxiety or depressive thoughts

• Forget things easily

• Cough up nasty shit

• Start up unhealthy habits like smoking right as I wake, before breakfast, making myself nauseas

• Isolate more

• Prioritize numbness over enjoyment

• Lazier

• Mess up my hormones

The last few times I smoked I won't lie I intentionally took more than my limit just to remind myself how sick it made me. How desperate and pathetic it was to want to feel unwell all the time. To spike that anxiety to get me into being afraid of starting again. So here's to starting again. Hoping I won't foolishly try to smoke or take edibles "once in a while" as I am not capable of self control around drugs. I am going to fill my life with routine so I lack the free time to even consider smoking. Filter the content I view to avoid getting stronger urges (this is hard living in a legal state where nearly every billboard advertises weed as a stress reliever). Possibly get some mental health help so I have a healthier stress reliever that isn't a drug that numbs my emotions completely. And communicate better in my relationships by being present in the moment.