The Feeling of Otherness as a Dominican (Rant? AMA?)
I am not part of the dancing scene, but I am most certainly a dancer. I can fairly say that I was not just born dancing, I shot out my daddy's dick dancing (lol) and have not quite stopped dancing.
I've been living in europe the last 10 years, and I vividly remember being told that I did not know how to dance the first time I went to a social, which was funny at the time since I killed it on the dance floor afterwards.
I still run into some awkward moments where a lady thinks I can't dance, or I am a beginner, only to realize halfway that, maybe I can dance. Or the look of surprise that I get when I do something unexpected and cool, and the subsequent conversation of "What move is that? What is it called? Can you do it again?" And my inability to answer these questions.
It isn't something that happens all the time, but often enough for me to get the feeling that. Perhaps the entire philosophy or approach to the activity of dancing comes from a radically different mindset. Which may sound obvious but, it seems to be one particular philosophy, one particular mindset, which I seem to not posses.
It does sound obvious, considering it's a whole entirely different continent and culture. But you could consider Brazil and Zouk to be also a different culture and continent and I learned that and danced that fine, and in turn, Brazilians also seemed to adapt fine to the music of my people. I beleive there is a certain openness to otherness. Same way I learned in 2 weaks how to dance quebradita, which is an original mexican dance and in that same time also taught a few gals bachata.
It seems very much o me, that if I do not dance a particular way, a particular style, which nowadays is sensual, I am not quite dancing. It is not something that is advertized anywhere, and I just encounter it on the dancefloor upon arriving to the party.
It has so far not removed my enjoyment from dancing, but I went from enjoying every single dance in my evening to having a few not enjoyable dances per evening.
So, I got a few days of a mind numbingly boring gig. I did not know there was a subreddit for bachata and it's been quite interesting to read how other people deal with the dance, the dancing scene and the learning process in general. A few things stood out:
1: Dancing ain't cheating: Flirting while dancing is optional and ladies can most definately control the level of intimacy. It would take a clever dancer to get you to a very snug and tight position unless you let him.
2: You should definately not date inside what you guys call the dancing community: Not because it's a bad thing but because it is an actual community. I would never date a woman who can't/wont go with me to dance. But these dancing communities seem to be closed circles rather than, a general population, so once you start dating someone inside of it you are recognized as taken, which is fair, but upon ending that relationship you will be recognized as someone's ex. Not to mention, you gonna run into said ex and her friend group a whole lot, unless you quite dancing. And I would rather die than quit dancing.
3: Kudos to all the people that did not grow up with this type of music or this type of couples dances at all and have picked this up and have learned to dance at any level. Quite impressive.
Not sure if this is a rant or a question, but you may feel free to also ask me questions in turn.