u/the__yeshua

I was never bullied in the sense that i was ever hit physically, but I was the kid who was made fun of constantly in friend groups and I have also been made fun of for my looks and shit. I also never made "real" friends. In every friend group i went, i was the punching bag of sorts which i obviously didn't like.

Friends have also like shared my secrets and embarrassing stuff to other people which I would not want to known to other people.

I think this has led me to not trust anyone, like anyone. Like, probably the only people i trust is my family and I even doubt them about certain things. I never expect people to help me if i help them, I just dont expect people to be good anyway. I am always on edge in real life, constantly stressed, like always on a fight and flight mode.

Whenever i am in a "situation", I always think about myself and how it would harm me. I always think about myself first.

I have never experienced crushes either. I was never infatuated with someone to the extent that I would call it a crush. Yes, i would find people hot, but thats it. I also dont think I experience romantic feelings much either. Yes, i like watching it in anime and shit, but I have never felt my heart throbbing for someone and anything of the sort.

I always think about how I can be better and how I am viewed to the outside world. I wanna be acknowledged by people, but idk what i even want idk. Enough yapping tho, this is it.