u/the_geth

Maybe it's obvious to you, but narcs are coming to this sub. They're sometimes commenting, and they learn from techniques to deal with them - they hate dr Ramani.
They obviously don't want to improve and they don't care about the damage they cause, only to pass as victims of their conditions (rings a bell?).

Be careful out there and if you don't believe me, check their subs. it's eye opening but very triggering,

PS: Case in point, see one of the comments I answered below!

Maybe it's obvious to you, but narcs are coming to this sub. They're sometimes commenting, and they learn from techniques to deal with them - they hate dr Ramani.
They obviously don't want to improve and they don't care about the damage they cause, only to pass as victims of their conditions (rings a bell?).

Be careful out there and if you don't believe me, check their subs. it's eye opening but very triggering,

I'm writing this mainly for myself, as I need to put it down in writing. It's been 11 months and I feel hopeless, and this world makes me feel even more hopeless.

At home I was doing everything. Cleaning 95%, buying food and making food 95%, taking care of the dog  -her pad, washing her etc-, playing with the kid, gardening...
I paid for that stupid fancy car I didn't need because she was too good for biking and public transports - in a city which is very anticar.

I provided her with a comfortable life, travels and my fairly large social network.
All the incessant belittling, the putting down, the criticism. The narcissistic rage, the isolation from friends (via humiliation or talking shit about them or arguments in front of them).
The darvo, the gaslighting, the threats, the blameshifting, the random rage, her getting mad at me for something she did, I got it all. The projection too, which revealed extremely painful things about her.  
Each of my birthdays ruined, each vacation tainted by arguments and shit behavior and her rage.
Always walking on eggshells and expecting the next madness from her.

She said she wouldn't cheat, she lied so many times with different takes on this ("who has the time anyway", "it's a shitty thing to do" , "it's for losers") with a straight face and guess what she did?  
By the way: they always do. I was told so here, and chose to believe she was different at least on that point (even her mother didn't believe me until I told her I have screenshots).

It's been 11 months, I'm in my mid 40s, and I'm stuck in her country because I need to be there for my kid.
I've lost everything. All I do is in "autopilot", I want to end my life all the time - thankfully the antidepressant lowered the pressure a bit here but it's still on my mind and very strong at times like today. I 'm trying not to because of my kid, but this doesn't stop the pull towards it.

She completely destroyed me after 13 years of relationship. I finally left her when discovering the cheating, but here I am, hopeless. And I don't know who I am anymore, my values, and how to restart a life. Not sure I want or can. I wish for a partner, but this seems such an impossible mission at my age AND in this age (apps, misandry, misoginy etc).

I worked on myself, went to therapy etc, I have friends and family, but I still cry often and this nightmare doesn't seem to end.
To top it all, the world is pretty shit even if I try to not pay attention to it, and everywhere you're harassed with misandry as a man. Which feels very cruel after such an experience and after all I've contributed. Everything feels so pointless. I just wanted to be -and was- a good husband and father.

I have wasted so many years, so much effort, so much money for this monster.
She has been an absolute evil.. and yet I miss her voice, singing, and she was (still is) so pretty. I miss the few good times too, and the sex. This drives me insane because it feels like I'm betrayed by my brain and body. How crazy is that.

11 months and still not out of this, not enjoying my freedom, not enjoying anything in this new life except brief moments (social interactions) which always end. I hate it so much here.  

Sorry for being a bummer, I need to write it down. Good luck to anyone dealing with this and if you have a doubt about leaving your shitty narcissistic partner, my advice is the same I was given here (but didn't follow because I was too afraid for my kid and because of sunk costs): Do it, the more you wait the more painful it will be.

I'm writing this mainly for myself, as I need to put it down in writing. It's been 11 months and I feel hopeless, and this world makes me feel even more hopeless. 

At home I was doing everything. Cleaning 95%, buying food and making food 95%, taking care of the dog  -her pad, washing her etc-, playing with the kid, gardening... 
I paid for that stupid fancy car I didn't need because she was too good for biking and public transports - in a city which is very anticar.

I provided her with a comfortable life, travels and my fairly large social network.
All the incessant belittling, the putting down, the criticism. The narcissistic rage, the isolation from friends (via humiliation or talking shit about them or arguments in front of them). 
The darvo, the gaslighting, the threats, the blameshifting, the random rage, her getting mad at me for something she did, I got it all. The projection too, which revealed extremely painful things about her.  
Each of my birthdays ruined, each vacation tainted by arguments and shit behavior and her rage. 
Always walking on eggshells and expecting the next madness from her.

She said she wouldn't cheat, she lied so many times with different takes on this ("who has the time anyway", "it's a shitty thing to do" , "it's for losers") with a straight face and guess what she did?  
By the way: they always do. I was told so here, and chose to believe she was different at least on that point (even her mother didn't believe me until I told her I have screenshots).

It's been 11 months, I'm in my mid 40s, and I'm stuck in her country because I need to be there for my kid. 
I've lost everything. All I do is in "autopilot", I want to end my life all the time - thankfully the antidepressant lowered the pressure a bit here but it's still on my mind and very strong at times like today. I 'm trying not to because of my kid, but this doesn't stop the pull towards it.

She completely destroyed me after 13 years of relationship. I finally left her when discovering the cheating, but here I am, hopeless. After it I did it all - the intense sport to not get crazy, eating healthy, therapy, meds, supplements. And recently, about a month ago, my brain just caved in and I have been drinking more, and restarted smoking (after 20 years absetinence). Somehow and counter-intuitively it made things a little better, except for my health. Sleep is still shit, sadness and despair are still there... And not enjoying anything.
Everyone - everyone - told me I'm doing everything right (and to not bother about the temporary smoking / drinking), that the sport, forced social activities, improving my new apartment etc is impressive and good. But I still feel like shit.
And I don't know who I am anymore, my values, and how to restart a life. Not sure I want or can. I wish for a partner, but this seems such an impossible mission with too many factors on expectation from both sides. 

I worked on myself, went to therapy etc, I have friends and family, but I still cry often and this nightmare doesn't seem to end. 
To top it all, the world is pretty shit even if I try to not pay attention to it, and somehow it seems that misandry is cool. Which feels very cruel after such an experience. Everything feels so pointless. I just wanted to be -and was- a good husband and father. 

I have wasted so many years, so much effort, so much money for this monster. 
She has been an absolute evil... and yet I miss her voice, singing, and she was (still is) so pretty. I miss the few good times too, and the sex. This drives me insane because it feels like I'm betrayed by my brain and body. How crazy is that.

11 months and still not out of this, not enjoying my freedom, not enjoying anything in this new life. I hate it so much here.  When does the nightmare end?

Sorry for being a bummer, I needed to write it down. And sorry for potentially poor english, I don't want to run that through chatGPT

AI slip ici et là, les threads qui curieusement se croisent en Anglais comme en Français, genre là tout de suite sur comment trouver vous votre femme après l’accouchement, 3 topics différents dans deux langages mais probablement plus dans d’autres langages…