I need to vent,
First of all, like many of us, I have more going on than just autism. ADHD, depression, anxiety, and CPTSD to name a few.
The tub in my apartment was leaking, so I put in a maintenance request. I also cleaned like crazy. Executive dysfunction for me manifests primarily in difficulty keeping up with my housework. So I made sure that things were at least presentable.
The only area I skipped was the bedroom. My bras kinda stay thrown everywhere, I have stuffed animals all over the place and I also have stuff for my spiritual practice and my late dog's urn in there. It's all extremely private.
Yesterday she tried to fix the leak, but it didn't work out. It wasn't as simple as most leaks. She left and it was still leaking, but she said she'd have a plumber come out today. My husband and I were going to be at work all day and I didn't like it. But I thought, "I'm being paranoid. It's ok. Nothing bad will happen."
Well, today while I was at work she texted that it was an even more complicated problem than she thought. They were going to have to go through the closet in the bedroom to access the back of the pipes to the tub. However, they didn't have the parts today, so they'd have to come back to finish. I said, "ok, when are they coming back? I'll have everything cleared away so you guys have access." I didn't like it, but if it has to be done, what other option is there?
She didn't respond for hours. I was busy at work. Then she texted back that they went ahead and cut the hole they needed from the closet...
I can't explain how I feel. I got home and found that they moved things like dirty laundry, my bras, they touched my stuffed animals, they put a blanket that I basically use as a rug up on the bed which got the bed all dirty. We have a rifle and it's been moved. Almost worst of all, she tidied. She took some empty drink bottles and to go cups and put them all in a little trash bag. She picked up my trash.
There's nothing that can be done about it. I technically shouldn't feel any negativity about it. I know that. But I do. I melted down. I can barely form a spoken sentence. I'm completely thrown. The bedroom was the one place in my apartment that's always the same, always exactly what I expect, even if it's messy.
I don't even know what to say. I'm just shaking and crying and shoving everything into the washing machine - at least it's only the tub that has no water. It was the one place that was safe. It all looks different to me, even the parts that weren't touched. I'm still sorting it out in my head and trying to be ok but I'm ruminating and I can't logic my way out of this. The one thing that fixes me is a hot bath, which is the one thing I can't do. I feel like I'm treading water in the middle of the ocean or something.
Do you guys know what I mean?